Networking for Introverts, Shy and the Socially Anxious

Over the years I’ve built a world-class network of some of the world’s greatest leaders.

I went from?someone who couldn’t talk, faced severe social anxiety every day to step outside of my comfort zone, be able to be myself, and truly change my life.

But here’s the thing, I realized most networking advice sucks.

“Don’t apologize” or “Just smile” or “Always be networking.”

Most of it isn’t made for shy people or those who struggle with social anxiety…

And especially with many COVID restrictions and lockdowns ending, and social events starting back up again, here are 6 tips to take you far along your journey!

1. Deal with the Root of Social Anxiety First…

or else you’re going to be fighting an uphill battle forever.

Here’s the reality.?Let’s be real.?

Nothing I can write in this article or anything you read online will completely change how you’re going to network tomorrow or tonight, more than YOU developing a long-term plan (very hard to do by yourself) and creating a strategy to follow through and systematically tackle every layer of social anxiety from the ground up.

Because here’s what happens...

Actively working on social anxiety, when in the middle of facing social anxiety at an event for example is quite possibly the worst strategy that will leave you bruised and in pain for years.

This is what almost everyone who faces social anxiety does…

Trust me, I did this too for almost a decade. What I learned is...

You are entering an environment in which the enemy (social anxiety) has been training for years and years where you will almost always be outnumbered, out strategized, etc.

Tackle social anxiety before it gets triggered, and you will have more leverage.

How do you do that? Keep reading.

2. Don't Rely on Band-Aid Fixes

I remember the first time I realized I was shy was at a college party and got drunk for the first time and I was like wait...I can talk to people freely now?

I have no judgment for anyone using a substance, just don't use it as a temporary fix (because it doesn't fix anything), if anything makes it harder later on.

Whether it’s alcohol, a vape, a drug, it’s not the most sustainable option.?

Believe it or not, there are ways to teach your nervous system to generate feel-good chemicals yourself in a more healthy manner without the need to consume a substance, for example, specific breathing techniques like the Breath of Fire. Or by taking a high-quality natural GABA supplement.

3. Seek Other Introverts First

Sometimes we think there’s nobody like us. We think everyone else can talk and be socially free no problem. If you look up and are mindful of the environment…

You would realize there are people all around whose facial expressions, body language is very similar to yours and there’s a chance they’re also shy or socially anxious.

Make your rounds introducing yourself to the people who are also socially anxious at the event. Try to see them as a human-based on what you can both relate to, sometimes you see it in their eyes, sometimes you see it based on how they speak.

If it seems like they are not interested in you, realize that some people with social anxiety may give off that vibe unintentionally. They’re not uninterested, they could be just very nervous.

Do that enough times and you can start a group conversation with other introverts.

Don’t forget, you don’t have to be the most social person in the room. Don’t underestimate the power of just meeting 1 person.?Just one person is all you need sometimes.

BONUS: When arriving at a social event. Don’t look at the crowd, and then look down, look at the crowd and begin identifiying specific people and breaking down the crowd from a big bad scary thing to individuals just like you and I. Don’t shy away from eye contact, because it usually makes social anxiety worse.

4. Be More Interested Than Interesting

I much prefer talking to people about themselves, then I do talking about myself.

In the past, I remember getting so anxious before an event, asking myself:

- what am I going to say if someone asks me this 'x' question?

- what if this happens and people find out??

- what if…what if..what if…

When you just focus on YOU, you also focus on Anxiety.?

If you’re going to lose yourself, you should lose yourself in the service of other people.?

As someone who’s hosted a podcast for over 4 years. I’ve gotten good at asking people questions. I always try to ask the most interesting questions that let people talk about what’s the most important to them.?

If you can ask questions, and then use that as a gateway to talk about what’s most meaningful and important, you’ll realize the social anxiety goes down by a lot because you remove the pressure from yourself, and hand it to others.

5. Write Down A Single Specific Intention

It’s easy to get anxious when you have no purpose or intention of being where you are.

Even if let’s say you’re going to a family event. You obviously know the purpose is to be with your family but have you deliberately thought to yourself - what is my individual purpose and intention for doing this?

Journal some intentions before the event, my personal ones:

- make 1 person feel welcome.

- introduce “x” person to “y”

- how can I change the way 1 person looks at the world??

You can do this on your notes app on your phone, but research shows physically writing is more effective at creating a long-term impression in your mind.

6. Create Visual Triggers to Make It Easy

A great technique you can use is to intentionally create visual triggers for other people to start conversations with you. While not a long-term solution, this is a great alleviator.

While some of these seem silly, you would be surprised, for example:

- wearing a shirt or sweater that says a phrase or image people can see to start or trigger a conversation with you.?

- carrying with you a water bottle everywhere you go so people know you like to stay hydrated.?

You can create your own version of this that works for you :)

Sometimes you need to experiment before you find something that helps you.?

BONUS:

7. Hold a physical object in your hand to ground you.

Sometimes, I carry with me a smooth rock. The ability to use your physical senses like an anchor can prevent your mind and anxiety from floating away in the clouds.

It might sound silly, but you would be surprised to see how effective it is :)

PS. I would love to highlight a resource I’ve created for kicking social anxiety. It’s an affordable online course that takes you through every step, day by day, week by week, if interested please check it out here -?markmetry.com/program

Conclusion

?? I am opening my calendar right now to work with 1 more person 1-on-1 on an ongoing basis to manage anxiety and heal your mind more effectively.

Interested? Schedule a free call with me to see if it’s right for you or not :) Email me @ [email protected]