Networking for Introverts

No matter what career you are in or business you run, I think building a network and personal relationships is one of the most important things you can do. And because of my passion around this and how intently I have been building my network for the past 15 years, I get asked about it a lot. 

And there is always an assumption that networking comes easier for extroverts and that introverts struggle. I think this is a myth. First of all, I am a massive extrovert who used to be incredibly shy. I wanted to talk to people but I was scared to do it. Until I figured out the importance and pushed past my fears and started talking to more people and seeing the benefits. Now I love it. 

Second, I think listening is a critical skill for networking and I also think introverts tend to be better listeners. So let’s dispel that myth. 

Recently I was asked about networking by my friend Philip VanDusen on his Brand Muse YouTube show for creatives (who tend to identify as introverts) and I thought I would share some of my answers in this article here in the hopes that it helps more people. 

You can watch the answer to this question and hear more in this video

Why Build a Network

First, let me talk about the importance and then we can talk about some things that you can do.

I think that relationships and networking are so important no matter what business you're in because they lead to so many opportunities. When I think about my own life, almost every job I've ever gotten, every business opportunity has come from a connection or from relationships. And I think about all the amazing opportunities that are coming my way now and all the things I'm learning and it’s easy to see how they all come from the network I’ve built and people I’ve met. 

These include  connections I made at conferences and  the people I connect with either on social media or in real life. And hopefully, those come together at some point. Not only have I found friends and clients and business connections from all these places, but I’ve learned so much too. 

And I love connecting with friends like Philip, who is an expert on YouTube, which is something I know almost nothing about. Meanwhile I can teach him about LinkedIn and other platforms I use more regularly. 

And now that we’re connected we can teach each other and make introductions to help each other. I try lots of stuff with my business and brand and I wouldn’t be able to do any of it without help. 

This includes organizing  my first conference this year. To do that, I copied a lot of people that I've learned from and got help from many others. Where do I find this help? I hire coaches and join masterminds and reach out to people who have done it before. 

How to Network

So now we have the why. But how do you go about building your network? Especially if you consider yourself to be introverted or socially awkward. 

I think first and foremost, you gotta show up.  You've got to go somewhere and sometimes that also means paying money. I invest a lot of money in going to conferences and networking events, things like that. So it requires an investment of money and time. And then once you get there, I think it's important to remember that you invested a lot of money and time to be there. So you want to get the most out of it. And that means connecting with a lot of people.

So sometimes you have to force yourself to go up and talk to people, even if you're introverted or shy. 

I think a lot of people are scared to do it because they're afraid that they are not going to be able to provide the value in that conversation or not be able to tell interesting stories or not be interesting enough. And so what I tell people and what I practice as well is that you have to remember it's not about you. 

The more you make it about the other person, the better things will go and the easier it gets. Just be curious. Talk to them. If you have read the Dale Carnegie classic, ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’, you know that everybody's favorite subject is themselves, right? And everybody's favorite word is their name. 

So when I go to these events and I talk to people, I try to make sure that at least 70% of the conversation is about and sometimes I almost pretend I'm a journalist, just trying to learn as much as I can from them.

Obviously a good conversation needs to be interactive and both sides need to contribute, but I often focus on asking good questions and learning as much as I can about the other person and find that usually makes them feel heard, valued and that they enjoy it. Plus it’s rare that someone actually listens to them. 

There are some studies that show that people who only ask questions are considered to be more “interesting” and “successful” than those who boast or tell stories or talk too much. 

So if you consider yourself to be an introvert or shy, don’t put so much pressure on yourself to tell great stories or impress people with what you do. Just focus on asking great questions, listening and providing introductions, connections or advice where appropriate and helpful. 

If this helps and we are not connected, make sure we connect on LinkedIn. If you are a good person who is genuinely interested in making real connections and helping others, I’d love to add you to my network :-)

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Thanks for reading. To hear more of my conversation with my friend Philip VanDusen, check out the full interview on his YouTube channel (link below) or listen to the audio version on my podcast, the Andy Storch Show.