Networking: How to Move from Fear to Fabulous for Introverted Women Leaders

With a lack of research on introverted leadership and the vast majority of leadership research privileging extroversion, it is always great when I come across researchers who focus on introverted leadership. Before reading this week's article, on the Quietly Visible podcast this week, I spoke to Leatrice Oram PhD about her research on introverted leaders. We discuss her research and findings, and she shares plenty of takeaways that introverted leaders can apply to thrive as leaders and in life. Click on the podcast link above, open in another tab, and save to listen later. And don't forget, please subscribe, share, and leave a review.

It’s often not what you know but who you know that gets you a look in when it comes to opportunities. And with a rumoured 70-80% of senior executive roles, and 75% of all jobs filled through the hidden job market, if you’re not making networking part of your leadership progression repertoire, you could be missing out.

With the lifting of social distancing restrictions on the horizon, it will soon be time to brush the dust off your business cards and put on your networking shoes again.

In the lunch and learn, LinkedIn live session I did this week on networking tips for introverted leaders, someone asked on behalf of their clients about steps to do it effectively, such as not making it just about getting a job. For those of you who missed it, or who also want practical steps, here’s how you can make networking work for you.

Why introverts don’t like networking

Some people mistakenly think that introverts don’t like networking because we are shy, socially awkward, and lack confidence. However, this is a mistaken belief because whilst this may apply to some people who are introverted, it also applies to some extroverted people too.

The reasons why many introverts don’t like networking include: -

• They are overly stimulating environments
• We don’t generally like making small talk
• They think that they have to work the room and speak to as many people as possible

They are overly stimulating environments

Introverts are overly stimulated by spending too long in busy, social environments. It can be energy draining and make us want to retreat into ourselves. When we feel like this, we are less likely to want to engage in conversation, which can come across as aloof.

If this is your experience, make sure that you are at your optimal when you go networking. And if you find the environment overly stimulating and draining, pop out for some fresh air, or do some other activity that helps you to recharge.

They don’t like making small talk

Introverts typically don’t like making small talk and prefer depth of conversation over quantity. However, when you are meeting someone for the first time, small talk may be necessary to flow into a more meaningful conversation.

Have a few conversation starters up your sleeve and use these to segue into something more deep and meaningful. Ask open questions (that start what, when, how, who), listen to the response, pick up on something that they’ve said, then ask another open question. Repeat this a few times, and as they ask you questions in return, the conversation will start to flow. Introverts are well known for their listening skills, so play to your introverted strengths.

They think they have to work the room

Networking is often thought of as being an opportunity to speak to as many people as possible, and many introverts think they have to work the room. Because we don’t like making small talk, the thought of this is off putting.

However, you don’t have to speak to as many people as possible if you don’t want to. Instead, be more targeted in your approach. If you know who will be at the networking event in advance, identify those people you want to meet.

Connect with them on LinkedIn, letting them know you will be attending the same event. When you see them at the event, go over and start a conversation.

Get there early

When groups have formed and conversations are in full flow, it can feel awkward trying to edge your way in. If breaking into groups is a challenge for you when you’ve arrived late, make sure you get there early.

By getting there early, you can be part of the forming of groups. As one person commented on my LinkedIn live session, they feel far more confident when they are the first to arrive.

Approach groups of odd numbers

If groups have already formed, approach groups of odd numbers and you will feel less like an outsider. With groups of even numbers, it is easier for people to pair up, making it more challenging to get your foot in. 

When you approach the group, don’t just barge your way in and take over. Say hello, briefly introduce yourself, and ask if it is ok for you to join. Gauge the flow of the conversation and when appropriate, join. However, don’t hesitate too long waiting for the appropriate moment because it might just pass you by.

Making the most of virtual networking

When you attend virtual meetings and events, engage in conversations with others in the chat. Connect with the people you meet on LinkedIn and arrange to have a virtual coffee meeting.

Make the most of LinkedIn and other social media platforms to develop and grow your network. Engage with your connections’ posts and share articles, videos, and podcasts that are of value to them.

Go to your organisation’s LinkedIn company page, look at the people who work there, and connect with those you want to connect with. Likewise, if you are looking to make a career transition, go to the company pages of organisations you want to work at, look at the people who work there that you want to connect with, and send them a connection request. 

Reframe how you view networking

If you have a negative view of networking, change your perspective about it. I once had a client who was a solicitor and business development was part of her role. She hated networking with a passion. She likened it to a meat market where everyone was trying to sell their wares.

By helping her to reframe how she saw networking, she came to view it as an opportunity to meet people, and she could then develop and nurture those relationships. If her company’s services would benefit them, she could let them know this.

Changing her perspective in this way, changed how she felt. By changing how she felt, she began to enjoy networking. What is a more helpful perspective for you to have about it?

Don’t make it all about me, me, me

Don’t go networking with the sole purpose of being out for what you can get. Or in response to the question that was asked of me, make it just about getting a job. If so, you may come across as desperate or selfish and put people off.

View it as an opportunity to expand your network, meet interesting people, and to develop and nurture relationships beyond the networking event. And remember, it’s not just what you can get out of it, relationships work two ways. What can you do to help those you meet as well?

Love it or hate it, how do you feel about networking? If you have any further tips to add, please share them in the comments, they may help someone else. 

About Me

I am an Executive and Career Coach specialising in introverted women who are senior leaders. I've been the featured expert in Women and Home Magazine, Good Housekeeping Magazine, the Telegraph, on BBC Radio 5 Live, named a LinkedIn Top Voice UK 4 years running, and received awards for my work developing women leaders.

I'm currently delivering programmes for senior leaders to overcome imposter syndrome, increase their executive presence, and improve speaking performance in meetings. But my vision is that ALL women achieve their full potential and become spheres of influence for positive change in their respective fields.

If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here. 

?My book Quietly Visible: Leading with Influence and Impact as an Introverted Woman addresses many of the challenges that introverted women face as leaders and shows you how to overcome them. It was listed as one of the 10 best self-development books written by women to read during lockdown by BeYourOwn. You can get your copy here along with a FREE recording of my How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome workshop.