Networking during COVID-19 | Part 2 - How to Win in All your First Conversations with Strangers

Here’s what to do when you get someone to agree to a chat.

One, treat this conversation as if you are being interviewed. Meaning, be on your best behavior and be polished overall with what you say. If your style is to lean on being more casual, that’s ok. My point is that you should work to impress this person. They agreed to chat with you, but they don’t owe you anything. You are working to encourage them to become an advocate for you, so you want them to like you. 

Two, be genuinely interested in the person’s background, their career progression, their role and the company. Genuine interest means you are trying to learn from them, and because you have done your homework, you know what specifically it is that you are trying to learn. Let that curiosity come out in your questions. Since you have a short amount of time to chat, you want to make sure you get as much information as possible. So, you want them to do most of the talking (75% them, 25% you). I’ve definitely experienced the reverse of that, almost like the student was auditioning for me. Remember, the idea is to treat this conversation “as if” you are being interviewed, but IT IS NOT an interview. Be on your best behavior (as you would be on an interview), but don’t do most of the talking. This approach also encourages your potential advocate to become at ease and to talk about themselves. Usually, a smart move when building rapport with someone new. 

Three, look for opportunities to build a “connection”. Many, many books are written on this subject . . . there is that much content out there. The summary on how to build a connection is to search for similarities using small talk. You want them to like you, to “feel” that way.

Feeling something is not logical, you can’t reason your way to creating that emotion in others. But you can encourage others to lean towards liking you by helping them perceive similarities between you two. Work to discover those similarities. Since people like to talk about themselves, find ways to give them an opportunity to do so. The technique here is to bring something up about yourself first, which should encourage your potential advocate to reciprocate and say something personal in return. If you were American, you might talk about football or what state or city you are from. 

So, what should international students talk about? 

My favorite basic technique is to talk about trying new food or travel. The idea with those two topics is that any individual on the planet typically has to put themselves out of their comfort zone to experience those things. So, people experience food and travel in a similar way. 

When you try new food, it’s hit or miss, so it’s always an adventure. When you travel, you are putting yourself where you don’t know exactly what to expect. You can talk about your school experience, especially if your potential advocate is an alumni, however, if they are American, know that they likely experienced school a little bit differently than you have, and the idea is to chat about something that exposes similarity (but also makes them “feel” the similarity). The school topic is good but isn’t my favorite. If you have stories from school you found help build a connection with American alumni, fantastic! Use those stories with any new potential advocate you meet. 

Going back to food and travel, if you are talking to an alumnus, you can talk about where you have been going most frequently to eat out. Your potential advocate likely had their go-to places when they were at university, and that could start up a small conversation about good places to eat. You can also talk about how you’ve searched for a restaurant that serves dishes from your home country, and how they are ok but not great. You can mention what makes a dish authentic (e.g., the right spices, or sauce, or vegetable) and give advice on how to spot that anytime they are in a restaurant that serves those national dishes. On travel, you can bring up your most recent trip within the U.S. It doesn’t matter if that trip was local or out of the city or state your university is in. Talk about what you liked AND what you didn’t like from your visit (talking about what you didn’t like makes you appear more real; it helps with bonding). Perhaps you are trying to plan a trip, you’re not sure where to go, and can ask them for advice on their favorite places in the country. They will love that question, and will likely have a lot to say. Remember, you want to get them talking more than you are . . . keep the 75% them, 25% you in the back of your mind. 

Once you have more practice with these basic small talk ideas, you can graduate to a much more powerful method where you are being your authentic, genuine self without reservation. The more you interact with Americans, or anyone from any country, you will realize there are basic emotions we all experience similarly. It doesn’t matter if those emotions were created in Delhi, Dubai, Shanghai, Mexico City, etc. If you can convey a story that highlights basic feelings, it will resonate with any person you are trying to build rapport with.

The tactic here is to have stories about yourself from your home country, or from an adventure you had (including the one where you came to study in the U.S.). You can think about one or two meaningful stories to you, that excite you or that drum up a lot of emotion and write them down to start. Practice telling them to friends, professors, career advisors or anyone with whom it’s ok if the story doesn’t resonate perfectly. They are your opportunity to fine-tune your craft. Once you are comfortable enough, they are a great way to build rapport with strangers as they show your sincerity and vulnerability (because they are personal). 

I like to tell the story of how I ended up at Penn State.

“In high school, I had ZERO ideas about where to apply to! It was even tough to figure out that I wanted an Engineering degree, let alone pick which school to leave my whole world for. All I was sure of was that I wanted to leave the U.A.E., and figured the U.S. was a good option. My parents weren’t so sure that was a good idea but supported me. My dad did his master’s degree at the University of Michigan, so I set my heart on going there. I was advised to apply to other universities in case I didn’t get in, so I literally asked my friends where their older brothers and sisters went. I could have found info online to make a more informed selection, but I was more comforted by the idea of going somewhere where someone like me (from my High School) had gone before. I applied to Penn State and University of Illinois. It hit me quickly that those choices would only land me in states that were cold. That wasn’t good. I like warm, sunny weather. In my mind, my only options for that were California and Florida, but California was too far away, so I applied to Florida State University (the first option that came up when I searched Florida Universities online). Ultimately, I got accepted to 2 schools (Michigan wasn’t one of them, but I never say that in my conversations), and I basically did eeny, meeny, miny, moe to select Penn State.” 

People, including Americans, can relate to the tension and anxiety that exists when selecting which university to attend. What I found from practicing this story with alumni from Penn State, was that more than a few Americans from Pennsylvania knew basically from birth they were going to Penn State. Their parents went there, and they have been going to their football games their whole life. While this story didn’t highlight similarities between potential advocates and myself, it shows the bold decision-making international students typically face during this part of our lives. Americans aspire to be bold. Everyone wants to be Indiana Jones. This story gives them a feeling of how international students did just that by coming to the U.S.

Finally, you want to keep asking yourself, “Why should this stranger be MY advocate?”. Why you and not someone else? You need to understand that you’ve already done a lot of good things to deserve it being you. You took the initiative to reach out. You did your homework on the person and on the company. You asked great questions and showed genuine curiosity. All of this shows your smarts and determination. I’ve often interviewed people who made it past the resume stage, who told me this job isn’t their first choice . . . what a put off and a waste of time that is. I mention this to give you a sense of what we (hiring managers, recruiters) experience in the real world. So, seeing someone that is determined and smart is nice. You want to make them feel like you would be a good addition to the company (that’s why I say treat these initial conversations as informal interviews). Do your homework on the person and on the company. Practice your stories, make a good first impression with your first note to potential advocates because these steps add up to help you stand out as a job candidate. 

At the end of your first chat, you want to conclude by asking if it’s ok to follow up if you have additional questions. Post chat, send a note thanking them. And if you are an absolute baller, recap what you chatted about. Highlight the key take away learning points you got, and what you are thinking about doing next in your search (e.g., how you plan to talk to other companies about how they approach supply chain, etc.). This leaves a great impression since you are showing you manage your chats and yourself well . . . which makes you appear to be a great addition to any company. Trust me, do this. More importantly, get on many calls with potential advocates and start practicing, and then practice some more. 

My Challenge to You

1. Write, on 1 page only, your story of how you selected your university
2. Practice telling that story to friends, particularly American friends who go/went to your university
3. Ask about their story (how they selected their uni) as well

Let us know how you did by using #InternationalStudentHandbook #challenge28 #InternationalStudents.

Keep a lookout for more job hunting advice by following us on LinkedIn, or by checking out our International Student Handbook

Good luck with your job hunt!