Networking Doesn't Need To Be Nasty - Here Is How To Enjoy It.

The Question:

I am self-employed and know I need to build my network and make myself more visible.

But I absolutely hate everything about it.

I feel really self-conscious and socially anxious going into rooms full of people I don’t know.

When someone does approach me I feel like I don’t know what to say, and I’m struggling to make small talk.?

Who should I be talking to? What should I say?

Even worse, if I see someone important who could give me work I feel like I shouldn’t approach because I’m sort of ‘smaller’ than them and they must be approached by people looking for jobs and favours all the time and I don’t want to bother them.

Tamara Gal-On :??

I get this.? I really do. I absolutely hated the very idea of networking when I first

started my coaching practice. And yet for the first 7 years of my now 20 year old

practice every client I got was through networking because it was the only form

of promotion I did.?

To get over my antipathy I paid to join a networking group

with obligatory weekly attendance. I learned a lot. And I am still learning

because networking is still an integral part of my business because it’s so

effective.

This is what I know.?

Preparation and follow up are your friends. Follow up in particular. But more of

that later.

As Remi so rightly says below, networking gets easier when you have a very

clear idea of what you’ve gone to a particular networking event or networking

opportunity to accomplish.

When you know what you’re there for and how it will serve your current goals it

makes everything easier.? However, even when you know why you’re there and

who you’re looking for it can still feel difficult to have productive conversations.?

Ones in which you walk away with a sense that you got somewhere or gained

something valuable.

The key things my clients tell me inhibit them from introducing themselves or

having productive conversations once they do are:?

1. Perceiving certain people as being bigger/better/shinier than them (and

therefore casting them as unapproachable) and then…

2. …not wanting to be seen as bothering someone?

3. Feeling as if they don’t have anything of equal value to offer in exchange

for what they are asking for.

4. Not knowing how to end things.? Either the conversation or being at the

event at all.

?

Firstly - whilst hierarchy is a thing, very few people who are willing to attend a networking event are there to make others feel bad. And particularly people who are in senior or influential positions.? Approach them.?

They are attending a networking event.? They want to network with people.? That includes you.

If you feel that introducing yourself to certain people is beyond you, try asking

the event host to introduce you.? I have done this several times when I know I

want to talk to a specific person because I am not at all good at boldly butting

into conversations going on amid a circle of people or loitering on the edge of it

hoping for a good time to sidle in.

If you don’t want to seem as if you are bothering someone, it pays to be

prepared.? If the event has an attendees list or if you are at a conference and

know who the speakers are, look people up.? Know clearly who you are after and

get busy. Have a rummage across the internet for what they are currently

working on or who they are currently working with or key achievements.? This

way when you get your intro or sidle up to within conversing distance you can

ask them a very specific question (possibly one you prepared in advance) to

build connection.? Very few people are immune to being asked an insightful

question about a project they loved or delivered successfully.

You can also ask them what they would like to get out of the event?? Who are

they looking to meet there?? What are they working on where they need further

connections?? Even if you have nothing to offer, show an interest.? Actively listen to them.

Active listening = make eye contact, put away your phone, let themfinish speaking before you ask the next question.?

Very few people give others their undivided attention in our age of phones.? Stand out by being a good listener.? It’s almost as rare as pirate treasure.

You are now getting to the meat and potatoes part of the conversations.? Why

you are there. Networking is always more effective when you can be specific.? If

this person is a gatekeeper or connector or a potential client for your services,

the more specific you are the more easily they will know if they have anything

for you.?

“I’m a…” - followed by your profession or job title isn’t specific enough.?Me telling someone I’m a coach gives them no idea if they or someone they know might be in need of what I offer. ?“I’m a coach for the creative industries” is a tiny bit better but not much. ?“I work with mid-career women, creators and those behind the scenes, in the creative sector to achieve career serenity,” is a lot more informative.? If i then follow that up by saying, “ I also run a leadership development programme for mid-career women across every part of the music and live industry and I’m looking for people who? might be interested in applying to our next programme which starts in the autumn”, it’s going to get me a lot closer to a productive outcome.

When you can sum up who you are, specifically what you do in your area and

what you’re looking for, practise it until it rolls off your tongue.? Try to find a

way to deliver this (in some form) to each person you speak to, so you know

you’ve said what you came to say.

And when you do find someone who is a great connection for you, remember

that following up is your job. You can control that.? You cannot control when and

where someone will get in touch with you if you don’t have their details. I find

that the most super-effective method for contact sharing is to email someone on

the spot. I get them to give me their email address (socials are nice, an email

address is better) and I put it straight into the To: line.? I then use the subject

Great to meet you.? And then if you’ve agreed that you are going to chat further

or they’ve said they’ll make an introduction that’s the email.?

Hi Jo, so good to meet you at xyz event.? It’s most kind of you to offer to introduce me to Kiki.? I look forward to making that connection. Best wishes

And then you don’t have to worry about when/if you’ll send that email the next

day or the week after or however long it takes you to do that sort of follow up.?

Most people seem to be spectacularly bad at it.

Once you’ve spoken to the people you went there to speak to and said the thing you prepared to say you are done.

Honestly.? If you hate networking, don’t prolong the agony.?

Pat yourself on the back and leave. If you can bear to stay longer or if you didn’t have anyone specific to meet but are simply going to

speak to whoever is there, decide in advance how many times would feel good

to say what you prepared and once you’ve done that you’re done. Pat on back,

exit stage left.?

If all of this seems very un-flowy and too clinical, maybe you’d like to try the

article I wrote on intuitive networking.? You can find that here.

[https://www.tamaragalon.com/post/conference-strategies-3-networking ]

Remi Harris MBE :

For those of us who do not love chit-chat, the professional networking event can

fill us with dread. However as a freelancer sometimes the contact book needs

refreshing and you need to broaden out your network.?

I favour Goal-led or strategic networking, which is networking with an end in

mind and a purpose rather than going to the opening of an envelope (every

event going) and staying to the bitter end.

In fact, once you have a goal and a focus to your networking, you may decide that in-person face-to-face networking doesn’t need to be a major part of your networking activity and you can use online connections, one to one meetings or blogging to build contacts.?

However, let’s assume that face-to-face networking is the best option. Here are

some examples of a goal that can be achieved through networking:

1. My goal is to work in another country next year. Through networking I

want to meet people who have experience of working in that country who

can help me learn about the market and find employers to reach out to. I

hope to talk to 6-7 people and ask each of them to recommend an

employer that I can connect with, and to get one piece of work for next

year.

2. My goal is to go from a junior to a mid-level role by the end of the year. I

want to do this through building my network of people in mid-level roles

going to senior roles who could mentor me. I aim to meet 8 people and

find 2 mentors.

3. My goal is to found a new company that offers services to early career

artists. I want to find managers of those artists to test the service, and

aim to find 5 managers to test it in the next 3 months.?

Now you know what you specifically want, there's a purpose and focus to your

networking. But how would you use this information in the live networking

space?

You can’t control what results you get from networking events, and going in just

to ‘mine’ the attendees and see what you can get can feel extractive and

transactional.

Think about your approach to the event in advance, what you are going to do: listening to others, asking questions, approaching at least 3 people, preparing a one-liner that explains who you are looking to meet.

Here are a couple of examples:

The Specific Approach:

As Tamara says, you could ask the organiser of the event

for help: if there’s anyone attending who is the specific person you are looking

for, perhaps they can introduce you. If you can ask in advance, you can even

reach out to them before the event to say you’d like to say hi at the event. One

of our clients looks up what attendees have been working on so she has a

specific question to ask them about their projects.?

The Open Approach:

You can talk to anyone and everyone at the event, and you

don’t have to ask them to open their contacts book - but as you take part in the

networking, you can listen to them and ask questions - but also out for any clues

that the person may be relevant to your goal, and ask a question about what

you’re working on when it comes up naturally. For example when they ask what

you’re working on, or what brings you to the event.?

The social anxiety that comes with networking events can be off putting, and

having a plan does help. Assuming that the anxiety isn’t a severe problem, other

ways of dealing with mild nerves are:?

Go with a buddy - a work contact, or ask in an online community if

anyone is going alone and wants to meet up there or beforehand.?

Focus on helping make the event easier for others, rather than yourself -

Remember most people are a bit nervous. Can you go up to someone who

has just walked in and say hello? Can you start a conversation with

someone with the aim of NOT talking about yourself but just asking

questions about them?

Say hello to everyone at the table or in the group - this is especially useful if it's

a table event. Ask their name at the beginning so the awkwardness doesn’t

build up and they know you are open to talking to them.?

It’s okay to ask the obvious questions - what music people are listening to

at the moment, are they a pet person, what was the last job they worked

on, how was their journey to get there - you don’t have to launch into

deep conversations or business talk straight away.