Networking Day 15/30: Trading Contacts

Far too many people measure the success of their networking efforts by this one point: How many numbers did I collect? If you've agreed with the posts so far, you've hopefully been shifting your mindset. This SNL classic shows a real networking pro:

It may take you a while to be as smooth as Darrel (played by Nicole Randall Johnson)... Just kidding. Ask yourself - why was it so awkward? Two reasons. 

1. Everything we've discussed to date. 'Ridikulous' start, no interest in knowing or understanding her, a taker who offers no value. 
2. No clue how to ask for someone's contact information without the 'weird' factor. This second point affects a large number of networkers! That's why so many people default to 'Do you have a card?' 

Tip 15: Let it be their idea how to stay in touch with you.

As you're connecting, asking & listening, seeking to understand, you should regularly be getting to the point where you feel this is someone you want to stay in touch with. There are several good reasons for staying in touch, some which we have prepped for, and one which we will address later:

1. You have found a way to add value to them. Whether it be a good mechanic, insight on the city or a connection, you know they are looking for something to which you can provide help. In this scenario, I like to share that I may be able to help, and confirm if that would be of value to them before offering. You may be more bold... "OMG I have exactly what you're looking for!" 
2. You have found a common interests that you both want to reconnect on. That could be watching a game of your favourite team, playing a sport, sharing a hobby, volunteering together, or experiencing new types of food. I like to confirm this by simply suggesting that we should get together again, and see how they respond. 
3. You are just having that good of a conversation, and you feel a real connection, and you want to stay in touch to see what kind of friendship can evolve. An affirming statement can confirm if your feelings are shared, like "This has been such a great conversation!! (wait for confirmation) We should definitely reconnect another time and chop it up again (slang for pick up the conversation lol)."
4. They are clearly the kind of person you've identified that you're trying to attract in to your life, and you want to be more direct that you'd like to have that conversation with them. This is the M part of F.O.R.M. and we'll be discussing this in a few days. For now, you can just be authentic or direct if you like and just tell them what you're feeling.

Regardless of the reason, you still want to trade contact information without dropping "Can I have yo number?? Can I??" I like to confirm they want to reconnect, then simply ask them what they think is the best way to stay in touch. This allows them to volunteer their own information in their own way. Times are changing though.

In Talk Less, Say More, Connie Dieken explains that everyone has a preferred method of communication (PMOC). In order to make people feel comfortable, it helps to talk to them in their PMOC. Times have been changing rapidly though. In 2007, email & telephone dominated our  PMOC, with social media barely existing. Today according to the Gallup Poll (Sept 2014), text is the most common among those under 50, with calling on cell phones tops among those over 50. In addition, most of those calls will be from people they already know. Also email is largely for information transfer and business. People get buried and can easily ignore unknown messages.

So despite my personal preference to just call people, I'm adapting:

• I now ask how people prefer to stay in touch, in any way besides email (because it's the least effective way to build a new relationship, and because I don't personally prefer email). 
• I'm frequently asked to connect on LinkedIn or Facebook instead of by phone, so I've become more active on those sites (as you can guess from this post!! :D). 
• Finally, I've now created a vCard with my own contact information that I can text to them.  This allows me to save paper (an enormous benefit to our environment, as a friend of mine has told me over 95% of printed cards are wasted), and I offer for them to enter their own cell phone, which helps me confirm if we have built trust. Trust beats technique when it comes to building relationships. 

Application: 

• If I've felt awkward trying to exchange contact information with someone, the main reason is  _______________________________________________
• My preferred methods of communication with a new relationship are _______________________________________________
• The top new methods of communication I want to start using are  _______________________________________________
• When I'm ready to exchange contact information with someone, I will allow them to offer their PMOC by asking them  _______________________________________________
• Outside of the above, I have the following thoughts on how I can improve _______________________________________________