Networking Advice for Introverts

Hi, my name is Mike and I am an introvert. My mind races every time I am in a social setting with people I have never met.

How do I start a conversation? What if I start babbling on about an irrelevant topic? What if the people around me judge me and label me as socially awkward? What if there is a long, awkward silence? What if this? What if that?

One important thing to recognize is that being an introvert is not negative; so don’t beat yourself up over it. We just have to try harder than most to open ourselves up to the world.

I don’t believe networking will ever become easy for me, but over the years it has become easier because I have forced myself to do a few things:

• Get out there.  If you don’t practice, you will never get better at networking. Even those of us standing on the sidelines holding our drinks and staring at our feet are doing better than those who could not work up the courage to attend the event.
• Prepare.  Prepare a conversation framework and use it. In a business-related networking environment, it is best to start off with business related questions. Don’t start off by asking about the person's childhood or their kids. Leave that conversation for further down the road.
• Be Authentic.  The framework example below works for me because I am authentically interested in the answers. If you ask questions without being genuinely interested in the responses, then you risk coming across as fake.
• Don’t Fear Silence.  Ah, the dreaded awkward silence! I have found that eye contact and a big smile is a good way to address an awkward silence. The truth of the matter is, if you are authentic and process people’s responses, you can typically keep a conversation going.

Example Conversation Framework:

• Hello, I see that your name tag says you work at Company X, what does your company do?
• Great, I am in a similar industry, what are you responsible for at your company?
• Those are important responsibilities, what projects are you currently working on?
• Those sound like interesting projects, have you had any tough issues in any of them that you have had to overcome in a creative way?

Most people don’t understand how exhausting a social situation can be to us. There are still times when my mind becomes so exhausted that it shuts down and I start crawling back into my shell. If you find yourself in a similar situation, that is okay. Excuse yourself, go into the restroom, and splash your face with cold water to recharge. Find what works for you.

It has taken me 10 years to get to a point where I can carry a conversation for quite awhile with minimal awkwardness. I don’t know how long it will take you to get to the same point, but I know you can get there. Remember, networking may never become easy for you, but it will become easier with practice.

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Mike Lai is not an author trying to sell a book. He does not have a link to promote. He shares his personal reflections with the hope that his musings might help people with similar concerns.