Net Worthing

Seeing the forest from the trees is not a very strong human trait; we tend to be bogged down by the small details and lose visibility of the bigger picture in many of our engagements, leading to poor application of our abilities. This usually means we have no measure on whether we are progressing or receding in terms of overall value. As George Bernard Shaw put it, perhaps we should all be obligated to appear before a board every 5 years and justify our existence... on pain of liquidation. Just like companies and enterprises.

Anyway I periodically force myself to step back from it all so I can see my forest, and interesting insights always pop up. They say only Adam, when he said something, knew it was original and hadn’t been said before. The other day I sat down with an old friend that I haven’t seen in a long time. We didn’t have an agenda as such, just a mutual desire to meet and catch up. You know those types; you keep feeling that you need to touch base with someone even though you do not have any running burning commitments with them. Why is this feeling inexplicable and unshakeable? Because in all human interactions are one of two reasons for our connecting; either you are a blessing or a lesson.?

At the base of humanity from time immemorial is Tyler Perry’s tree analogy of just 3 types of connections whose definitions have stood the test of time:

Leaf People

Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can't depend on them or count on them because they are weak and temporary, only there to give you temporary shade and photosynthesize. Like leaves, most are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or a wind blows in your life they are gone. You can't be angry at them, it's just who they are. Most of your connections belong here; leaves are many and losing them causes little damage. They are surface engagements most visible in good times, when the sun is shining.

Typically these are seasonal engagements, and beyond that season you won’t find them in your life. A season could be school, a residential area, a workplace or a team. A season is not a very short time, but it also doesn’t last forever. When a different season, period, stint or phase comes around, release your emotional investment and move on. Have you ever seen the butterfly hanging out with caterpillars? Sooner or later you will need to let go of some associations. Otherwise life will do it for you on its terms. And those who are meant to transition beyond the leafy season into something else will do so, with or without your deliberate action.

?Branch People

There are some people who come into your life who are like branches on a tree. They are stronger than leaves, but still carry a sign of caution. They will stick around through most seasons, but if you go through a storm or two in your life it's possible that you could lose them. Most times they break away when the going gets really tough. Although they are stronger than leaves, they will need testing before you can put all your weight on them. They do handle some weight, even if not for long. When serious things get critical a lot of them will drop off since they know their limits and will not kill themselves for you. Losing their connection causes some upheaval in your life because they have some depth and gathered considerable moss with you.

These are the affiliations brought about by a reason. In everyday life these are limited-time events or situations, though critical and sometimes lifesaving in nature, which create the semblance of a bond between people. A stranger helping out in your flat-tyre situation, towing assistance with a distressed vehicle, a fundraiser engagement for a hospital bill. Branch people are not as many as leaf people, but they play a key role in day to day issues and will be visible on specific duties or situations. But they are also capable of leaving you with deep scars.

?Root People

The last group is of people in your life who are like the roots of a tree. These are countable, and are hard to find because they are not trying to be seen. Their only job is to hold you up and help you live a strong and healthy life. If you thrive, they are happy. They stay low key and don't let the world know that they are there. And if you go through an awful storm they will shelter you. Their job is to hold you up, come what may, and to nourish you, feed you and water you. Breaking these connections causes considerable emotional distress in you, which can be debilitating when you realize what a pillar they were. In relation to root people, you will hear comments of you not being the same person anymore ever since you fell out with or lost so and so. Because they are so few such that losing one of them makes a big difference in your life.

Lifetime people have neither time limit nor constraints in picking up where they last left off. They go beyond season and reason, and are comfortable coming in and out of your life. You know you can always reach out to them, and they don’t serve a single purpose nor hang onto one strand in the relationship. These are the people that you insist upon their presence in a function or event and everybody else wonders what is so special about them; there is nothing fancy about roots. They were always meant to be in your life, and will always gravitate towards you, no matter how far you both wander. In times of loss and disorientation it only takes finding one of your root people to find yourself.

?What Am I?

Just as a tree has many limbs and many leaves, there are few roots. Look at your own life; how many leaves, branches and roots do you have? Do not make the mistake of apportioning the responsibility of roots to the leaves in your life. It is also not possible to know or force where a connection fits within the three segments after a single meeting with them; let the heat boil the milk for a while for its cream to rise. Understanding is deeper than knowledge, so there are many people who know you, but very few who understand you. Pay attention to whom your energy increases or decreases around, because that’s the universe giving you a hint of who you should embrace or stray from.

Our network is the sum total of these numerous sometimes-innocuous engagements that refused to remain as acquaintances. But how about yourself? It is not enough to understand where other people’s placement is in your life and the roles they play. What are you in other people's lives? Stop breaking your own heart by exaggerating your place in their lives.