Nerves? Totally normal.

Can I say at the top of this, I’m not doing this for some misguided and slightly bleak cry for attention. I’m writing this because I wish I’d read this myself a few years back when we started The Score. I hope someone finds it just a teeny bit useful.

Do you ever get that tummy-sink feeling of… is it good enough? Will they like it? What if it flops? It’s similar to that feeling before a party you’ve arranged... will anyone turn up?

I know this feeling, well.

I don’t want to come across as a misery guts here - I am an optimist, not a worry wart. I have a lot of energy, people often tell me that. On good days, which happily are most days, that energy floods into interest – but on the tricky, big days it bubbles into ‘what if...?!’

Next week, I’m due this second kind of day. The ‘what if...’ variety. We have a big event. An event to launch our Playbook which I am so proud of. It's an online event, so in a way, if only one person shows up, no one would ever know. But I would!

If you’re reading this and you’re signed up – do not let this put you off, it genuinely will be brilliant, we’ve worked hard on it. If you're not on the list – please come. I really do mean that. The more, the better!

I guess I’m really writing this to share the shame of feeling this way. I also made a promise to share more of the moments that feel uncomfy, while they feel tricky, not once the storm has passed. And I want to say, if this happens to you too - I see you. It’s okay.

I don’t have much wisdom, apart from - keep doing it. Don’t stop.

Apparently, it gets better... people say that. But, I’d take that with a pinch of salt, I personally don’t think it does, it hasn’t for me yet. If you keep stretching yourself outside your comfort zone, this feeling will forever be familiar. That’s a good thing. Yes, it’s the same stinging feeling, but importantly you’re sensing it for bigger and more ambitious reasons.

My unfounded two-pence-worth is... look for good.

Not like you usually do, this isn't your average Thursday, no no no. Really open your eyes this time. You’ve got to do this with extra oomph. Like you really mean it.

Here’s my 3 fail-safes to do just that:

1. Surround yourself by really good people. Tell someone important that it’s happening. Reach out to the people who are in your exact same shoes. Perhaps make the effort to get to the office, timing it so you’re in with those that nourish you. Alison Bainbridge and I are always in the office for these events – Kokorers wish us luck and some listen live too. We sit side by side in the same room. Plus, we make a little extra effort with one another – we are usually fairly nice to each other! But I guess we’re just extra cheering
2. Do nice things. This could be as simple as a well-timed cup of tea. Or using a nice shower gel. Have a better-than-usual lunch. Save your top podcast up for the commute home. Earmark a new series to start that evening. Whatever it is, be purposeful about it. Even if we’re on less than 5 mins til live, one of us makes a dash for a proper coffee across the road as a little lift.
3. Spread confidence to others. My absolute favourite one. This works a treat. Which is kind of surprising, as you may think you should be boosting yourself in a more direct way. But honestly, this has healing powers, I know. Every now and again, I send a handful of Kokorers ‘sunshine deliveries’ – a short, random email with a simple subject line: sunshine. Sometimes because I feel full of joy and want to share, sometimes because I’m a bit flat and need a lift myself, and sometimes just because. They contain a handful of observations about them, things I like, admire or find inspiring. ?It feels so good to do it, even before anyone responds, even if they don’t respond at all. It’s just brilliant to put good out there and to write uplifting things. It’s the specificity of the celebration that’s important, they’re never ‘you’re great’ they’re always a specific gratitude. I end them with an ask to pass the sunshine on. I often write them the night before, ready to ping off the next morning. And that evening I have such a glow about me, the world feels a bit brighter. Next morning, pressing send is like being one of the Care Bears, sending sunbeam after sunbeam! Knowing there's a ripple effect

So as Phoebe Buffay taught us, there is no truly altruistic act… although I hope some recipients get a little boost from reading their sunshine delivery, I get a giant lift from sending them.

Three final thoughts

If you’re thinking ‘oh crumbs’ but doing the thing anyway – well done.

If you’re up for it, and can give someone a boost this week, do.

If you’re too young to know about the Care Bears. You do not have to say, you can keep that to yourself. I’ve got enough to worry about over the next few days. ?