Negotiations with difficult people

Today I would like to return to my Sunday series. This one will not be about AI but about an essential topic in Procurement and that is "Negotiations". The first article may not be obvious and is not about preparations etc... That is also essential, but we'll leave that for another Sunday. I find the human component of the negotiations much more exciting. Tables, calculations, scorecards, etc. are very important. But sometimes, despite perfect preparation, the negotiation can veer off in an unpredictable direction. I have recently read some interesting articles from Harvard Law School on the subject of negotiation, and these have inspired me to write this series of articles. I will also use some of the findings for my text. But let's get started!

A situation that I'm sure many of us are familiar with. You walk into a negotiation, ready to make a deal, and BAM! You hit a wall. It's that "difficult person" across the table – the one who seems to thrive on conflict, stonewalls every idea, or just plain makes your life harder. Sound familiar? You're not alone!

Dealing with these "difficult people" is a negotiation reality. It can throw deals off track, strain relationships, and leave you wondering if you're in the right profession! But before you throw in the towel, let's consider something: what if "difficult" isn't always deliberate? What if there's more to it than just someone being intentionally obstructive?

We'll break down the "difficult negotiator" into three types and give you concrete strategies to not just survive these encounters, but actually turn them into opportunities for collaboration.

The Accidental Hard Negotiator

Every experienced negotiator has encountered them - the people who seem to prefer conflict over collaboration, stonewalling over problem-solving, and tough talk over active listening. But are these negotiators truly difficult, or are we missing something in our understanding of their behavior?

The concept of the "Accidental Hard Negotiator" helps us understand a crucial aspect of challenging negotiations. These are often competent professionals whose decision-making is influenced by unconscious patterns and biases. I have observed this many times in my 19+ years of procurement experience - people who unintentionally create barriers in negotiations not because they want to be difficult, but because they are trapped in certain thinking patterns.

Let me illustrate with a practical example from software procurement: A vendor's sales representative refuses to discuss any flexibility in their licensing model, despite clear evidence that their standard pricing structure doesn't match our usage patterns. Their response is always "This is our standard model - take it or leave it." Before labeling them as inflexible, consider that they might be operating under what negotiation experts call the "fixed-pie" mindset - automatically assuming that any customization of their pricing model would automatically mean a loss for their company.

In my experience, this happens quite often in software negotiations. The vendor's team might be so focused on defending their standard pricing model that they miss opportunities to create a win-win situation - like adjusting the licensing structure to increase user adoption, which could actually lead to higher long-term revenue for them and better value for us.

Challenges:

• Frustration Overload: It feels like talking to a brick wall, right? Their actions seem illogical and, frankly, a bit infuriating.
• Missed Opportunities: Because they're stuck in their biases, they (and you!) can miss out on creative solutions and better deals.

Strategies (Let's Get Practical):

• Time is Your Friend: Don't rush things! Pressure makes biases worse. Slow the pace down, and give everyone breathing room to think straight. Of course, this means that Procurement has to be involved at a very early stage ??
• Be the Role Model: Show them what collaboration looks like. Start suggesting win-win ideas, and highlight shared goals.
• Gentle nudging, no pushing: Avoid confrontation. Frame your approach as helping them see things from a different angle, not telling them they're wrong.

Actionable Tip: Next time you face someone who seems "difficult for no reason," take a breath. Could biases be clouding their judgment? Try slowing things down and leading the way to a more collaborative approach. You might be surprised!

The Reluctant Hard Negotiator

Now, let's talk about the "Reluctant Hard Negotiator." In procurement, we encounter this type quite often in our supplier relationships. These aren't difficult people by nature - they're professionals operating under constraints that may not be immediately visible to us.

Let me share an example from fleet management: During negotiations with a major car leasing company, their Key Account Manager seemed unusually rigid about delivery times and vehicle specifications. They were insisting on 12-month delivery times for our standard fleet vehicles when the market average was 6-8 months, and they were surprisingly inflexible about certain specifications we had easily agreed upon in previous years.

Initially, this appeared to be a frustrating negotiation tactic. However, after several careful conversations and a joint workshop, we discovered the real situation: Their manufacturing partners had significantly reduced production capacity due to chip shortages, and new environmental regulations were forcing changes to their vehicle configurations. Additionally, they were under pressure from their headquarters to prioritize deliveries to customers who were willing to accept newer, more environmentally friendly models.

This is a classic case of a Reluctant Hard Negotiator in procurement. The Key Account Manager wanted to maintain our long-standing relationship and was actually in favor of more flexible terms, but was operating under several hidden constraints:

• Supply chain limitations they couldn't control
• New environmental regulations affecting their fleet composition
• Internal pressure to push their green vehicle initiative
• Commitments already made to other large customers

Understanding this changed our entire negotiation approach. Instead of pushing harder on our standard requirements, we worked together to:

• Develop a phased delivery schedule that aligned with their production constraints
• Create a mixed fleet solution including some eco-friendly vehicles
• Design a more flexible specification package that could work with available components
• Establish priority allocation for our most critical vehicle needs

The key learning here was that what appeared as inflexibility was actually a complex web of industry challenges and internal pressures. In procurement, we often find that supplier representatives who seem difficult are actually trapped between their company's operational realities and their desire to maintain good customer relationships.

Actionable Tip: Don't assume "no" means "never." Assume hidden constraints are at play. Your job is to uncover them and become part of the solution, not the problem.

The Intentional Hard Negotiator

Finally, we have the "Intentional Hard Negotiator." This is the negotiator who chooses to be tough. They see negotiation as a battle, and they're there to win, using every tactic in the book – intimidation, threats, you name it.

We don't really need any examples here, because the people are just like that. Think of it like this: They're playing chess, and they're trying to checkmate you with every move.

Challenges:

• Emotional Warfare: Their tactics can be draining and designed to make you uncomfortable and concede.
• Competitive Spiral: It's easy to get sucked into a tit-for-tat battle that destroys value and trust.
• They Can Be Effective! Let's be honest, sometimes these tactics work because people fold under pressure.

Strategies (Let's Get Practical):

• Draw a Line in the Sand: Be firm, be clear, be assertive. Let them know you won't be bullied.
• Bring Backup: Get your team involved. Accountability and transparency are your friends here. Encourage them to bring their team too.
• Document, Document, Document: Keep records of everything. No room for "he said, she said."
• Know Your Walk-Away Point (and Mean It!): Your BATNA is your superpower here. Be ready to walk if the dynamic becomes too toxic.

Actionable Tip: Recognize manipulation when you see it. Stay calm, stay professional, and stand your ground. Your strength in this situation comes from knowing your value and being prepared to walk away.

Conclusion: It's All About Diagnosis

Dealing with "difficult people" in negotiation isn't about magic tricks or personality makeovers. It's about understanding the why behind the behavior.

The ability to recognize different types of difficult negotiators is a crucial skill that can significantly impact our results. In my years of procurement experience, I have learned that understanding the root causes of difficult behavior often leads to breakthrough moments in negotiations.

When we face challenging situations with suppliers or stakeholders, our focus should be on understanding rather than labeling. Is the Key Account Manager really being difficult, or are they dealing with complex internal challenges? Is the Sales Director truly inflexible, or are they operating under constraints we haven't yet discovered?

My conclusion is clear: successful negotiations depend more on our ability to diagnose and adapt than on any specific tactic. By understanding whether we're dealing with an Accidental, Reluctant, or Intentional Hard Negotiator, we can develop the right approach and transform challenging situations into opportunities for value creation.

What are Your go-to strategies for handling challenging negotiators?

If you are interested in what I do, you are welcome to arrange a call with me - here is the link: https://lnkd.in/dp2-Kv_k