Negotiation. Who gave away your secrets?

Mark didn’t have a Plan B; the job offer in front of him was the only one in sight, despite his experience and mint reputation in the industry. With both kids in private school, a new car to pay for and a 30- year mortgage, another month of unemployment would have been hard to sustain.

Claudia, commercial director of a niche luxury brand, wasn’t ready to sign an exclusivity agreement with the company’s longtime distribution partner, who had just placed a large order, followed by the request to expand their business into two additional Asian Countries.

Mark knew that, to negotiate the high salary and the bonus he had in mind, he should have given the new company the impression there were other offers on the table. He wasn’t the only candidate, although probably the best one, while no other company was ready to hire him.

Claudia needed to buy time. She wanted to visit the two countries and understand their potential before entrusting the distributor with new territories. Yet, the end of the quarter was approaching fast, and she needed the order.

Both Mark and Claudia were senior and trustworthy negotiators, and they needed to hide a piece of information.

Not showing all the cards is common practice in negotiation and sometimes in a sale too.

Skilled negotiators excel at extracting as much information as possible from their counterpart, while dosing the information they share.

To an unexperienced negotiator, this approach may sound unfair, and also unethical. Let me explain why it’s not.

Fairness. It is an abstract concept, although of paramount importance in business and life. Fairplay means playing by the rules, and every set of rules has grey areas in which one operates with the information and the skills they have.

If in a bodybuilding competition, for example, one athlete trains better than the others, following superior training principles, using more advanced equipment and leveraging the latest findings in diet and supplements, no one would argue her or his v victory was unfair, just because they didn’t share the information with other participants.

This is not the same as using forbidden substances like steroids and lie about them.

As a rule of thumb, in a business negotiation, we shall label lies as unfair, and also hiding information that might harm or damage the counterpart.

If fairness is an abstract concept, ethics is even more so.

The social context in which a person operates highly influences ethics, which belong to the domain of morality. Usually, different cultures have different rules, laws, and beliefs. What is acceptable in the west may not be in the east, and vice versa.

This is where contracts and written agreements help to set the terms of a negotiation, that most of the times also include which information must be shared.

While I advocate transparency in business, I am also not as na?ve as to think that showing the cards altogether is always the smartest move.

Mark and Claudia were not as na?ve either, and yet something went wrong.

Mark had to accept the offer at a lower salary, and Claudia ended up signing the contract before visiting the countries to avoid losing the order she needed so badly.

When I asked them what they did wrong, both of them said they could not hide their “desperation”.

Although none of them were explicit in telling the counterpart they had no choice, both of them realised their non-verbal communication stated it clearly. And this is what this article, ultimately, is about.

In a negotiation, non-verbal communication is as important (if not more) as verbal communication.

Think about it: how many times do we say something with our mouth, while our posture, our facial expressions and our eyes say the opposite?

“I am happy to see you again”, said Jim’s ex-wife with the darkest face when meeting him at a party.

For better or worse, the body doesn’t lie. You may not say how you feel and what you think with your words, yet rest reassured your face, your posture, the sound and rhythm of your voice are giving it away. Unless you learn to control your non-verbal communication.

The interesting fact is that while very few people know how to control their non-verbal communication, everybody can understand it. I invite you to reflect on this to improve your negotiation skills.

Only a few trained individuals know how to appear relaxed when they are not, while everyone can notice if they are talking to a stressed person.

Our subconscious mind, that also controls over 90% of our behaviours, beliefs, and vital functions, controls most of our non-verbal communication,

We communicate non-verbally all day long, transmitting information about how we feel, what we believe in, who we are.

An example is when we cover our eyes with our hands when we hear or see something we dislike. We can’t help, it’s our nature in action. Interestingly, people who were born blind do the same. They do not cover their ears when they hear something unpleasant; they cover their eyes!

I’ve seen salespeople get overly excited and smile as if they won the lottery when the customer was ready to buy. They lost the sale, because the customer was thinking “He / she looks too happy. There must be something wrong here. Perhaps this item is unsellable. “

If you remember it, the title of this article contained a question: who gave away your secrets?

The answer is simple, you!

Don’t bother saying how confident you are if your voice is shaking.

Nobody will believe you when you say you’re transparent. If you keep hiding your hands, look elsewhere and maintain a closed posture.

If you’re in a hurry, or can’t wait to leave the meeting, your feet will point towards the door, and everyone will notice.

You succeed in a negotiation when your tactical moves support an excellent strategy.

We all know strategy eats tactics for breakfast, and a good negotiation starts from an in-depth analysis of all the things at stake.

Meanwhile, allowing your body to give away all your thoughts and feelings can damage you more than you think. Unless you master your non-verbal communication.

To your success!

Carlo

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