Negotiation Tip: Why It Feels Weird and How to Get Unstuck

I’m in the middle of advising a couple of high-level negotiations. One is for a business acquisition, the other for a partnership. And if you’ve ever been in a negotiation, you might have noticed something strange—it can feel uncomfortable. This negotiation tip will help you understand why and what to do about it.

Everyone involved in both deals is a reasonable, well-meaning person who just wants to get something done. There’s no drama, no Hollywood-style deception, no villain in the story.

But both negotiations are stuck. And they’re stuck in the same two places:

• What each party thinks the other party is thinking about them.
• How to make sure they don’t get ripped off.

Negotiation Tip: Trust is the Key

When trust is lacking, people assume the worst. A misunderstood action gets attributed to bad intent. In these cases, they don’t even know each other well enough to have had a bad experience—it’s just their imaginations. And it is very easy for our imaginations to cause us to assume that our interests will be ignored or undervalued.

How do you get past it?

In the acquisition situation, the seller is locked into their initial price. They won’t budge. Normally, sellers start a little high and work their way down. But even then, it’s common for a seller to assign symbolic meaning to a number. The number itself isn’t always about market value; it’s about what that number represents to them.

Money is symbolic. People push back on this idea, but when you think about it, all currency is symbolic. When someone says, “I want to sell my business for $X,” it’s often about something deeper—significance, security, or satisfaction. They don’t just want the money; they want to feel respected, financially safe, or assured that their lifestyle can continue.

In this scenario, I think the number represents a recognition of her legacy and a sense of financial security. Perhaps both. But I recommend offering the asking price. It’s not great, but it is fair. The terms can be negotiated in a way that minimizes risk for the buyer—as long as the seller feels affirmed and is confident they’ll be paid.

This is the real win-win. Discover what the other side actually needs to feel like they won, and offer it to them—in exchange for what you want. Once they see they’re getting what they want, they’re far more likely to reciprocate.

What Do I Really Want, Anyways?

Most people don’t know what the other party wants. But here’s the thing—we’re also fuzzy about what we want. Or why it matters to us.

If you take the time to get clear on your own motivations, your options in the negotiation expand. Because when you know why you want something, you will usually find more than one way to get there.

Another Example

Another example of this plays out in the partnership negotiation I’m advising on. Business A wants to make a significant investment in a large, mixed-use development. Business B would co-locate in the development and provides the ‘wow factor’ that makes it special.

In all likelihood, Business A wants two things: a solid return on investment (let’s say 15%) and something that earns them credibility and respect. But they aren’t likely to articulate that. So, we are making an educated guess based on what has been communicated so far.

To be successful, Business B needs to negotiate terms that allow Business A to get what (we believe) they want. In return, Business B can confidently ask for the terms that it wants. And they are likely to get them.

This is called interest-based negotiation. It’s highly effective.

How This Makes Negotiation Easier

We rarely negotiate in the US, and when we do, it is usually around big-ticket items. Some of what makes that uncomfortable is the fear that we’ll be taken advantage of. So, we become very focused on what we want.

However, if I focus on what you want and make sure you get it—while still getting what I need—the weirdness disappears. I know I’m not taking advantage of you. I’m getting you what you want. It’s only reasonable that you reciprocate.

At this point, negotiation doesn’t feel weird anymore. And it isn’t complicated.

Does That Make Sense?

Most negotiations aren’t as complicated as people imagine. People just get caught up assuming they need to defend something. If you can:

• Get clear on what you actually want.
• Get clear on what they actually want.
• Give them what they need in exchange for what you need.

Creating a ‘win-win’ doesn’t have to be difficult. Go ahead, practice this with low-stakes situations. Get comfortable there—and this approach will serve you well when it becomes really important.

Take good care,

Christian

P.S. Want to negotiate with confidence and clarity? Let’s talk. Whether you're navigating a high-stakes deal or a simple agreement, I can help you find a win-win solution. Schedule a consultation today.