Negotiating through a misunderstanding is like dancing with an elephant

Dear professionals,

You've seen it before. The parties have a difference of opinion that is causing them to be in court. The difference of an opinion is over a matter due to one of the following reasons:

a. Lack of information: They simply have formed an opinion without knowing all the facts involved

b. Inability to form an informed opinion: Both parties have differing beliefs but an inability to solve a problem involving their children. Think of when you need to find a professional to determine if the child as Attention Deficit Disorder.

c. Inability to communicate: The parties become enraged at seeing, hearing or following the stated word of their child's other parent.

These people need help. We typically use negotiation to resolve the dispute keeping everyone entrenched in their position. We can evaluate strengths and weaknesses of both sides. We allow the parties to focus in on the negatives, how much they don't trust the other person, how they are in the right and other is in the wrong. We do this knowing as professionals that the parties are simply lost and do not know where to turn. My friends, that is our fault, not their's.

Negotiating through a misunderstanding is like dancing with an elephant - the process is not pretty. Empowering parents, getting them to listen understand and respond through a misunderstanding is HUGE. If we can start thinking that mediation can help promote change and better the co-parent relationships we are helping you clients in the short and long term.

Move these people towards a relational mediation especially when you see the conflict is over a simple misunderstanding.