NEGOTIATING SKILLS

PHRASES TO AVOID WHEN YOU NEGOTIATING THE SALARY

What are negotiation skills?

Negotiation skills are qualities that allow two or more parties to reach a compromise. These are often soft skills and include abilities such as communication, persuasion, planning, strategizing and cooperating. Understanding these skills is the first step to becoming a stronger negotiator.

The skills you’ll need depend on your environment, your intended outcome and the parties involved. Here are a few key negotiation skills that apply to many situations:

Communication

Essential communication skills include identifying nonverbal cues and expressing yourself in a way that is engaging. It is important to understand the natural flow of conversation and always ask for feedback. Active listening skills are also crucial for understanding the other party. By establishing clear communication, you can avoid misunderstandings that could prevent you from reaching a compromise.

Persuasion

The ability to influence others is an important skill for negotiation. It can help you define why your proposed solution is beneficial to all parties and encourage others to support your point-of-view.

Planning

In order to reach an agreement that benefits both parties, it is crucial you consider how the consequences will impact everyone in the long-term. Planning skills are necessary not only for the negotiation process but also for deciding how the terms will be carried out.

Strategizing

The best negotiators enter a discussion with at least one backup plan, but often more. Consider all possible outcomes, and be prepared for each of these scenarios.

Types of negotiation

Most negotiation outcomes will fall into one of two categories: "win-win" or "win-lose." By understanding the different types of negotiations you may encounter, you can determine the most relevant skills for your role and work to improve them.

Here are forms of negotiation

Distributive negotiations

Also called "distributive bargaining," this form of negotiation occurs when there is a limited amount of resources and each party assumes if they lose something, the other party will gain something. Instead of each party attempting to come to an agreement based on their interests and needs, each party is working to get more than the other party. For example, a client may feel if a provider does not lower the price for a service, they will be paying too much, and the service provider may feel if they decrease their price, they will losing money.

Integrative negotiations

Often referred to as a “win-win,” an integrative negotiation occurs when everyone benefits from the agreement. In order to come to an integrative agreement, each party receives some value. The integrative negotiation process may take longer because both parties have to feel fully satisfied before coming to an agreement. For example, if a client believes a provider should reduce the cost of their service to $800, and the provider believes they maintain the cost of their service at $1000, the two parties may negotiate a $900 service. In this case, both parties “win” $100.

Management negotiations

Negotiating with management can be stressful. In some cases, employees may feel uncomfortable sharing their wants and needs with someone in a more senior position. However, you’ll often encounter this sort of negotiation during the job-seeking and hiring process. You may have to negotiate your salary, benefits and job duties. Each of these elements can directly impact your job satisfaction, so it’s essential to address them. Additionally, negotiating these factors gives you an opportunity to demonstrate your communication skills to your employer. You might also have to negotiate with management in your current position when re-evaluating your employment contract or requesting a raise.

Coworker negotiations

Depending on your job, you may have to negotiate with your coworkers. Many positions require close teamwork and without strong negotiation skills, you may face imbalances in work distribution. Negotiation skills allow coworkers to develop a plan that benefits the whole team. You may also have to negotiate when solving the conflict in the workplace.

Vendor negotiations

Some employees manage external vendors, and their performance ratings may be affected by how they negotiate. Also, the ability to reach an agreement with service providers can affect your professional relationships and general business success.

Tips to improve your negotiation skills

Not all forms of negotiation are effective, and measuring success can be challenging. To evaluate your effectiveness, it is wise to identify how well your intended outcome aligns with the final agreement.

Follow these tips to improve your negotiation skills:

1. Identify the final goal.
2. Practice building rapport.
3. Be willing to compromise.
4. Consider imposing time restrictions.
5. Take the multiple offer approach.
6. Exercise confidence.
7. Don’t take “no” personally.
8. Understand your weaknesses.
9. Practice.

Below are a few ways to strengthen your negotiation skills.

1. Identify the final goal

What are the minimum terms you need? How much are you willing to negotiate? It’s important you enter negotiations knowing what you want out of an agreement and how much you’re willing to compromise. For example, your ultimate goal may be to negotiate a salary of $80,000, but you would be willing to settle for $75,000.

2. Practice building rapport

Successful negotiation requires you to effectively communicate not only your own goals but also to understand the other party’s wants and needs as well. In order to reach an agreement, building rapport is essential. This can assist you in easing tension. In order to build rapport, showing respect for other parties, and using active listening skills are critical.

3. Be willing to compromise

Without compromise, it can be nearly impossible to reach an agreement. By preparing ahead of time, you will already have an idea of the terms you’re willing to sacrifice as well as the ones that, if they aren’t met, you would be willing to walk away from the deal.

4. Consider imposing time restrictions

Setting a timeline on the negotiations motivates both parties to reach an agreement. If terms cannot be met at that time, the two parties can take time to reevaluate their needs and return at a later date.

5. Take the multiple offer approach

By presenting multiple offers at once, you can save time in the negotiation process and increase the likelihood that you’ll agree on at least one of your preferred outcomes. If the other party declines, you can then ask for feedback on each one and revise terms until you reach an agreement that meets everyone’s needs.

6. Exercise confidence

It can be challenging to ask for what you want. However, successful negotiation requires self-assurance. By exercising confidence in your negotiation, the other parties can be more inclined to believe in the benefits of your proposal.

7. Don’t take “no” personally

Sometimes, each party’s goals and needs are too different to reach a compromise. When this happens, evaluate the process, consider why things that did not go as planned and look for ways you may be able to improve your efforts next time.

8. Understand your weaknesses

Take time to identify your areas of weakness and focus on growing those skills. For example, you may need to improve your ability to build rapport or your power of persuasion. Understanding your weaknesses is the first step to overcoming them.

9. Practice

One of the best ways to increase your comfort in negotiations is to practice often. Consider trying a mock negotiation with a trusted friend or colleague.

How to prepare for a negotiation

Whether you have an upcoming salary negotiation or are planning to ask for a raise during your next performance review, preparation is key.

When preparing for a negotiation, be sure to identify the following:

• What you want to gain
• Where you are willing to compromise
• Terms you refuse to accept
• Potential objections you may face
• All possible outcomes

By considering this information ahead of time, you will be less likely to confront something unexpected during your negotiation.

Do your research

Before entering a negotiation, evaluate all parties and consider their goals. For example, if you’re nearing the end of the hiring process, you may be preparing to negotiate a salary. The employer likely wants to hire someone who can complete the required job duties for a competitive salary. You likely want to offer your experience and knowledge to a company in return for what you perceive to be fair pay.

It can also be helpful to research the person with whom you are negotiating. Understand the limitations of the negotiator. Do they have the ability to give you what you want? Sometimes the person you are negotiating with will be unable to meet your

Demands. For example, a hiring manager may have a maximum compensation amount they can offer based on the budget provided by their department. Understanding these limitations can help you strategize.

Know your priorities

Negotiations often require each party to compromise. Setting your priorities ahead of time can help you evaluate what you refuse to give up as well as where you’re willing to budge.

Consider the opposition

Consider the potential opposition to your negotiations. Do you think that your manager will object to a pay increase because of declining sales? Will you be denied a higher starting salary for a position because your requested rate is above the average range? Write down all the potential oppositions and then gather the information you can use to argue your case.

Define your BATNA

Understanding the best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA) is crucial to improving your negotiation skills. For example, you may determine that if you cannot get a salary increase due to budget cuts, you’d be willing to settle for additional vacation days. Defining these alternatives ahead of time can help you create a backup plan before the negotiation process.

Know when to walk away

One of the hardest parts of negotiation can know when to walk away from a deal. It is important to enter all negotiations recognizing that you may not be able to come to an agreement. For example, a hiring manager may not be able to offer you a salary high enough to justify accepting the job offer. Once you realize no further compromises can be made and one or neither parties are willing to accept the terms, it’s probably time to walk away.

Keep your timeline in mind

A timeline can significantly impact your position of power in the negotiation process. For example, if one or both parties are rushing to reach a decision, at least one party may give up too much and regret their actions. For example, if you’re

Trying to get a new job quickly, you may take a position with lower pay than you deserve, or you may compromise too much on benefits. In this case, you may find yourself unsatisfied with your decision long-term.

The same rule can apply for a longer time period. If a company is considering partnering with a vendor but they do not yet need their services, the vendor may have a harder time convincing the company to meet their terms. The company may push harder for discounted rates and more value because if the vendor does not agree, they still have time to find another solution.

Related: How to Negotiate Salary (With Examples)

Challenges to negotiating in the workplace

The workplace is ever-changing, but negotiation remains constant. Keep in mind that changing business practices can present new challenges. In addition to learning negotiation skills, it also necessary to know how to adjust them to a specific situation.

For example, many meetings today are entirely on the phone or over the internet, and some negotiations may occur via email.

These methods of communication can inhibit your ability to read non-verbal cues, so you might suggest interacting through a video chat instead.

Negotiation skills can help you develop your career, secure a higher salary and meet critical business needs. Continuous practice is key to improve your negotiation ability.

You’re 96% sure that you’re ready to schedule a meeting with your boss to ask for a raise. Or perhaps you’re nearing the end of the job interview process and an offer is in sight. However, if you’re like me, you have definitely put your foot in your mouth a time or two saying the wrong thing at the absolute worst moment. Don!

Don’t mess up. Don’t mess up. No matter how many times you rehearse what to say, there’s always that risk of fumbling right at the five-yard line. Instead of panicking, get prepared.

To coach us along in the salary negotiation process, we turned to Josh Dooly, author of Fearless Salary Negotiation. “A salary negotiation is collaboration, and a key ingredient of a successful collaboration is good communication,” says Dooly. “It’s important to be very clear with what you communicate to avoid ambiguity, which could complicate things and slow the negotiation process.”

Instead of Doody simply sharing the things you should say, he’s here to warn you about the potential negotiation landmines to avoid when angling for the salary you deserve. Here are nine things to never say in a salary negotiation:

1. “i'm CURRENTLY MAKING . . .”

The most common question recruiters will ask a candidate is something like, “So where are you right now in terms of salary, and what are you looking for if you make this move?” Don’t fall for it.

Instead of asking for “more” salary or “more” vacation, this is your time to get specific.

“I call this the ‘dreaded salary question,’ and it’s tricky because it usually comes up early in the interview process, and most candidates don’t think of it as part of a salary negotiation even though it is,” says Dooly.

“Answering this question by disclosing numbers can make it very difficult to negotiate effectively later on because it can box the candidate in. Once they disclose current or desired salary, the offers they get are very likely to be tied to those numbers. That can be very expensive if the company might have offered them a much higher salary than they disclosed.”

2. “MY DESIRED SALARY IS . . .”

Don’t disclose your current or desired salary! “Recovering from this mistake can be tricky and each situation is unique. But one way to untether from those original numbers is to review the benefits package for deficiencies,” says Doody. “If the health insurance offering, paid vacation, target bonus, or

Other aspects of the benefits package are underwhelming, the candidate can use those as reasons to ask for a higher salary to compensate.”

Instead, try something like:

I’m not comfortable sharing my current salary. I would prefer to focus on the value I can add to this company rather than what I’m paid at my current job. I don’t have a specific number in mind for a desired salary, and you know better than I do what value my skillset and experience could bring to your company. I want this move to be a big step forward for me in terms of both responsibility and compensation.

3. “SORRY”

According to Dooly, “negotiating is uncomfortable, and our natural tendency is to try to smooth the edges on a difficult conversation. Saying sorry could signal to the recruiter or hiring manager that you might be willing to back down, and that could be expensive. Don’t apologize for negotiating.”

4. “NO”

“You want to continuously improve your situation throughout the negotiation and you do that by avoiding negative language and focusing on positive language. Instead of “No, that doesn’t work for me” (two negative words), you can say, “I would be more comfortable with . . .” (a more positive expression).

“Saying sorry could signal to the recruiter or hiring manager that you might be willing to back down . . . Don’t apologize for negotiating.”

Negative words slow things down and may put up walls that make collaboration difficult. Using only positive words is difficult at first, but you’ll get better with practice.”

Related: The 3 Types Of “No” You Need To Master In Your Career

As we grow up, it’s no longer the suggestion that we finish our broccoli that we’re most hard-pressed to reject–it’s the requests to do more work and the dubious job offers that we have to find ways of declining politely. Hence the raft of advice out there for professionals looking for graceful ways to bow out of everything from hiring processes and time-consuming assignments to helping coworkers and “voluntary” extracurricular.

But while much of that advice is sound, you don’t actually need a separate strategy for every one of these situations in your career; toting around a mental encyclopedia of “nose” to whip out for each new occasion just isn’t practical.

Instead, you just have to master these three types of “no,” then choose which one to deploy depending on the context and the strength (or weakness) of your interest.

1. THE “HARD NO”

A couple of weeks ago I got a Facebook invitation to an art exhibition whose stated aim was to:[Consider] the many ways in which artists and artworks address contradictions in day-to-day reality, whether in an explicitly political register or in more subtle, even satirical, modes that acknowledge uneasy complicity with the dominant order.

Now, it may very well be an outstanding show, but I didn’t have any trouble deciding whether the invitation was for me: It was a “hard no.”

Sometimes your career will present you with similarly clear-cut decisions, where you know your answer is a definite “no thanks” right off the bat. In those cases, many of us have trouble being as categorical in our refusals as we should be, worried that we’ll burn bridges, anger a boss, or hurt our reputations.

“Saying ‘no’ is not something that comes naturally to the majority of people,” the social psychologist Susan Newman told Fast Company last year. From an early age, we learn to say “yes” so regularly that it becomes a nearly reflexive response for many adults–as does the habit of making ourselves seem more open to something than we actually are.

From an early age, we learn to say “yes” so regularly that it becomes a nearly reflexive response for many adults.

But as Newman sees it, “The fallout from a ‘no’ is rarely as bad as you think it will be.”

In professional situations, there are two key things to bear in mind when you’re sure you’re not interested and don’t envision your position ever-changing. First, it isn’t personal. Just as that art exhibition will be a great experience for a different kind of person, the offer to invest in Startup A or to interview for a job at Company B isn’t fundamentally bad–they just aren’t right for you.

And second, bowing out early and clearly does the offered a favor. By making it apparent that you aren’t interested (instead of giving a wishy-washy insincere “maybe”), the person asking for your participation is free to go elsewhere with their offer and find someone more likely to accept it. Your rejection might even help them refocus their search.

Here’s a perfect example: A reader of career expert Alison Green’s Ask A Manager blog wrote in to ask how to politely decline a promotion:

I really don’t want a leadership position. I am happy with what I’m doing now, and the leadership roles all seem to come with an enormous amount of stress . . . I don’t want to buy into the more-more-more and sacrifice my happiness, my comfort, and time with my family for a bigger paycheck and more responsibilities.

A “hard no” if ever there was one.

“It sounds like you need to be more direct,” Green wisely counseled, proposing a response like this:

I really appreciate your confidence in me and your push for me to move up, but I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I’m really happy with what I’m doing currently. I don’t want to move into management; I have huge respect for people who do, but it’s just not me.

Notice that last line, where there’s no whiff of criticism for either the offer or the offered: “It’s just not me.”

2. THE “SOFT NO”

What if you’re leaning against a proposition but might consider doing something short of what’s being asked of you, but you need to hear more before deciding? This type of situation may be more common in our careers, and it’s probably the bigger culprit in our tendency to wind up agreeing to things we shouldn’t.

You don’t just want to show that you’re on the fence. The key to delivering an effective “soft no” is to convey the reasons for your skepticism and explain what information you’ll need to give a firmer answer.

Back in 1997, the consultant William R. Daniels offered straightforward advice on converting a probable “no” into a possible “yes” contingent on more information. “If I’m going to get involved,” he told a client who’d asked to expand a training series Daniels had run that had been a big hit, “I need to understand more about the project.”

If that sounds open-ended, it was, but it accomplished two things really succinctly: It let Daniels’s client know he wasn’t a sure bet–he didn’t lead them on or sound any false notes of feigned enthusiasm. But, second, it gave his client a chance to pitch him on the specifics of the new initiative, rather than to try winning him over based on prior experience.

Daniels showed polite hesitance, avoided anything personal, and made clear what he’d need to know in order to make a final call.

3. THE “ASK ME LATER”

Sometimes we say “yes” to something that’s a bad match for us now but might’ve been a good one had we only held out. And while it’s true that some (or maybe even most) offers have expiration dates, there can be ways to extend or even renew them later on.

In these cases, briefly explain what prevents you from accepting the opportunity right now but why it interests you all the same. Then suggest terms for revisiting it later and see if that’ll work for the other party.

This type of response is handy because it reflects the big role that timing plays in our lives and careers (so handy, in fact, that LinkedIn has a canned auto-response for replying to recruiters’ messages: “Thanks for reaching out. This isn’t a good fit for me now, but let’s keeps in touch.”). Our jobs tend to subtly prod us in the opposite direction, though, into seeing opportunities in black or white–they’re there until they’re not.

“Deadlines can be a good thing,” The Muse’s Joy C. Lin recently explained. “They help you gauge whether you’re moving in the right direction and keep you motivated. But forcing yourself to stick to a schedule when it doesn’t make sense can be ineffective, and even hold you back.”

You can’t schedule you entire career in advance, even though some offers and opportunities may compel you to (deliberately or otherwise). Haste can be more than just paralyzing, though, as Lin points out. It can lead us down blind alleys–or toward regrettable “yeses.” Whereas the worst thing that can happen when you ask to wait and decide later? Someone gives you a “hard no” and moves on–then so do you? No hard feelings.

5. “YES”

While this may sound like the exact word to use when speaking to an HR recruiter, Dooly insists it should be used with caution. “You’ll often get a job offer that seems really appealing, and it might be far more than you expected. Your instinct in that case might be to just accept the offer because it’s so good.”

But is it too good?

“It’s possible you underestimated your value in this situation. Instead of “Yes,” formulate a counteroffer to see how much you can improve it. The negotiation should end with the company saying “Yes” to you. Once they say “Yes” to you, or you run out of things to ask for, then you are finished negotiating.”

6. “LATER”

As in, “I can deal with that after I start.” Procrastinators, this ones for you. “Sometimes it’s easier to avoid uncomfortable parts of a negotiation by deferring those parts of the conversation until after you’re hired. That can be a very expensive mistake because you won’t have the same latitude to negotiate and improve your position once you’re in the door. Push through the discomfort and get the best possible result now.”

7. “TRY”

In expressions like, “Can we try . . .?” “’ try’ is a passive word that leaves a lot of wiggle room, and you don’t want that,” insists Dooly. “It’s easy for someone to say—honestly or not—” We’ll try…” and reply with, “We tried and it just didn’t work out.” Don’t ask them to “try” to do something. Instead, use more positive language like “I would be more comfortable with…”.”

8. “MORE”

While this word seems counterintuitive because you are negotiating to get more, it’s a word that is too general for a successful negotiation. Instead of asking for “more” salary or “more” vacation, this is your time to get specific. “Don’t leave things to the imagination once you’re negotiating. Instead of “Could you budge on the salary?” say, ‘I would be more comfortable with a base salary of $105,000.’”

9. “WANT”

Lastly, the word “want” can tank negotiations. Using it can undercut the entire premise of your argument that you deserve to be paid more and you deserve a more competitive salary. Go into a negotiation with facts and figures, making a compelling case. Start with printing out your results using a tool like Glass door’s personal salary estimator, Know Your Worth. See what your base salary should be and see what the industry norms are.

“You could talk about what you want, which just isn’t all that important. Or you could talk about what the company wants, which is not as potent as talking about what the company needs, which are the most important thing,” adds Dooly. “Focus on the company’s needs and how you can help meet those needs so they can easily see your value and work to compensate you for it.”

There’s a reason why “no” is one of the first words we learn to say. Life never fails to throw us offers and opportunities that are worth turning down.