NEGOTIATING WITH A LIAR

Why do negotiators lie?

Recently, in several trainings for procurement negotiators, during case discussions, questions arose on how to deal with commercial negotiators who, to put it mildly, bend the truth or, without mincing words, outright lie. Before I address how to protect yourself against this, let’s consider why someone would lie. I’m not even asking if someone lies, because according to various studies, everyone does to a greater or lesser extent, at least twice a day. To understand the motives of a liar, I will list 20 reasons as examples.

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1.????? Habit: over time, and with sufficient frequency, bad habits can develop. This includes certain lies that are repeated multiple times, such as those about the availability of raw materials, their prices, or their quality.

2.????? Hiding: to maintain appearances, some people wear masks and pretend to be someone they are not. They lie to cover up any attempts to reveal their true identity. In negotiations, a person might want to appear more decisive or influential in the terms of cooperation represented by their company.

3.????? Procrastination: putting off responsibilities until later. A person knows they should do something but deliberately delays it. Yes, this can also be a form of lying, intended to put the other party in a difficult situation and lead to last-minute negotiations.

4.????? Attention-seeking: unfortunately, some people lie to attract others' attention. Ironically, once they have it, they do not know what to do with it. How often have you heard someone say, "I can handle this no problem, it's standard for us," unlike what's on the market?

5.????? Harm: some lie about their identity and actions intentionally to harm others. This could be due to internal conflicts at the supplier or actions benefiting your competition.

6.????? Intimidation: lying can be a response to feeling intimidated by others. This feeling of inferiority is so uncomfortable that it provokes lying to hide it. In such cases, a negotiator lies to escape the problem and further attacks.

7.????? Manipulation: manipulators lie to maintain control over their victims. Revealing the truth could lead the victim to avoid cooperation and further contact with the sales representative.

8.????? Vindictiveness: some lie with the intent to harm others who have hurt them before, as a form of revenge. Every situation has two sides, and depending on the market situation, sometimes the buyer's side may dominate, and sometimes the seller's. We must keep this in mind when selecting negotiation techniques, considering what might happen if we use a harsher technique today, especially if analysis suggests that in six months or a year, the supplier might have a dominant position at the table.

9.????? Amusement: for some, lying is a form of entertainment. They enjoy watching how others react to their lies.

10.? Defense: lying often serves as self-defense against real or imagined threats.

11.? Avoidance: lying can be a way to avoid problems or consequences.

12.? Curiosity: Some adults maintain childish behaviors, lying just to see what will happen, regardless of the potential harm to others.

13.? Boredom: some lie to add drama to their lives and watch the reactions of others.

14.? Protection: sometimes lies are told to protect others, taking responsibility for something they did not cause to help someone else.

15.? Disappointment: lying can be used to avoid disappointing another person or oneself, justifying the deceit.

16.? Control: unfortunately, in some cases, it all comes down to control. Lying is used to manipulate the behavior of others.

17.? Superiority: people with overly developed egos lie to emphasize their superiority over others and present themselves better.

18.? Impressing: people lie about themselves, their achievements, or their goals to make a better impression on others and gain their recognition.

19.? Perception: some believe their own lies because their perception of reality is distorted, which in their eyes does not make them liars.

20.? Laziness: sometimes a lie stems from laziness in someone who does not want to do the work, so they lie about it. This cannot be done because it's easier for someone to sell a standard product than to customize it for a client.

21.? Indifference: if an issue or problem does not matter to someone, they might lie about it, seeing nothing wrong with that.

22.? Desire: people who desire what others have may lie about their feelings of jealousy.

23.? Minimizing: ;ying can be used to reduce the perception of harm or consequences that might arise if the truth were known.

24.? Maximizing: the opposite of minimizing is exaggerating in lies, which can worsen the situation.

25.? Hiding: lying can serve to conceal the truth about a problem or about oneself, which is a deliberate action.

26.? Denial: not every denial of reality is a conscious lie; sometimes it is unintentional.

27.? Sympathy: Similar to seeking attention, lies can be used to gain sympathy from others by telling untrue stories about past or present events.

28.? Elevation: lies can be used to elevate oneself to a higher moral or ethical level to meet others' expectations.

29.? Concealing: people may lie to hide themselves, others, or things from accountability.

30.? Yearning: a deep desire to believe that a lie is true motivates some people to lie, despite knowing it is false.

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As you've noticed, there was supposed to be 20 reasons, but it ended up being 30—did you catch that? Could I have lied? ?? What might have caused this? Perhaps curiosity, seeking attention, or maybe just for fun. Or maybe by writing 20, I wanted to cover myself against reaching 30 to make it easier, or I could have listed 50, but increasing from 20 to 30 still looks good since it's an additional 50%. ??

Can we detect a lie?

Can we detect if someone is lying? YES and NO. This means that, according to various studies, our effectiveness in detecting lies is around 54% (data from a meta-analysis conducted by Charles F. Bond and Bella M. DePaulo, published in 2006 in an article titled "Accuracy of Deception Judgments").

We might as well flip a coin after every statement made by the other party's negotiator to check whether it was true or a lie. Does everyone have this level of accuracy? No, specialists who have trained for many years in this field, such as professional negotiators, psychologists, or law enforcement officers, can achieve an accuracy of 60 to even 70%. This also depends on how well and how long we have known a particular person and whether we have "learned them."

If this is our effectiveness in detecting lies, can we protect ourselves against them? What should we do if, for example, a supplier tells us they didn't send an email due to a force majeure like a power outage, yet we see they arrived with a laptop that can be charged anywhere and has a battery that lasts several hours, or claims that raw material prices have surged due to a pandemic, war, minimum wage increases, etc., while market indicators show price drops?

How to protect yourself from a liar and how to deal with them:

Research conducted in 1999 and 2005 indicates that about half of the people involved in transactions lie when they have the motive and opportunity to do so. They usually see it as a way to gain an advantage (although it can actually provoke a negative reaction). Lying is thus one of the intangible elements negotiators need to prepare for and try to prevent. Is there something that can be done to avoid being deceived in negotiations? Yes, if you focus on prevention rather than detection.

Below, I have selected seven out of many effective tips:

1.????? Meeting Agenda: send a detailed list of topics before negotiations. This way, you avoid tricks like, “If you had said this was going to be discussed, we would have prepared...”

2.????? List of Topics and Associated Questions: this is the most crucial tip before negotiations. I recommend preparing a table with questions and a list of information that is necessary to obtain. After asking a question, make a note of the response and review it two or three times to check if all necessary information has been acquired. If not, you should not move on to the next question. If the other party doesn’t know, they can use phones to call their company and check. This practice also makes it easier for negotiators to detect evasions. Your notes are also the basis for, for example, a negotiation memo that both parties agree to (the principle of commitment and consistency) or confirmation of agreements via email.

3.????? Openness: the principle of reciprocity is a powerful tool, and sharing certain information confidentially may encourage the other side to be more truthful. Even if this is accompanied by social proof of correctness and references to the fact that other suppliers have already responded on the subject. Statements should be accompanied by a casual tone rather than a formal one, as this also increases the likelihood of obtaining information, even confidential ones.

4.????? Conditional Clauses and Escalation of Responsibility: If so, the price will be such; if there is a lack of supply, the penalty will be such. If your supplier resists these, it may be that they are not truthful about the capabilities of their company and its offerings.

5.????? Listen for Leaks: often, just a question asked by a supplier suggests there may be a problem in cooperation. What happens if there is a delay in the schedule? Do you foresee penalties? - etc. Often, interlocutors have lower vigilance over what they say at such moments and you are more likely to hear the truth from them.

6.????? Revealing Goals through Indirect Techniques: use options where different factors dominate, in this way, you can catch what really matters to the supplier. For example, an IT supplier may be inclined to offer larger discounts and may not see a problem in giving an additional discount of 100-200,000 as long as the contract includes appropriate clauses to protect them, such as a penalty for delays can be a maximum of 30% of the contract value.

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However, sometimes things can get a bit more complicated – what if someone else’s lie indirectly affects us? – a case study.

The national sales director arrives at a meeting with a buyer, accompanied by his boss, the sales director for Europe. The lady has a very positive attitude towards the cooperation and clearly aims to achieve specific results. However, there’s something she doesn’t know – the buyer has sent multiple inquiries to the national office regarding a particular substance, including information about annual volumes, which, upon finalizing the cooperation, would give the supplier an additional annual revenue of around 30 million euros. The lady asks how this matter is progressing and whether they are considering working with them. The national sales director begins to sweat, and his face starts to blend in with the purple wall behind him. It’s clear the man is going into stealth mode, and you can almost smell the sharp scent of lies in the air.

Scenario A: The buyer should say they are eager to review the offer, thereby maintaining the national sales director’s lie that the matter is still open.

Scenario B: The buyer explains that they sent the inquiry three times, called, but received no response or contact from the supplier. They have already selected a supplier, and with such poor communication, he sees no chance for cooperation. In this case, the buyer essentially sends the national sales director straight down the elevator to hell.

Scenario C: The buyer explains that they sent the inquiry three times, called, but received no response or contact from the supplier. They have already contracted a supplier for this year, but are happy to review the offer and keep it in mind for next year’s contracting.

Scenario D: The buyer explains that they have already contracted a supplier for this year, but are happy to review the offer and keep it in mind for next year’s contracting.

As you can see, there are several scenarios, each with its own short- and long-term consequences. Which one would you choose? Write your choice in the comments.

I know which option the buyer ultimately chose and why, and what results it finally brought.

Now for the seventh tip:

7.????? Control Questions: Prepare a set of control questions for the supplier, questions whose answers are obvious and have never caused any trouble for them. Questions they always answer with ease. Encode in your mind the style in which they respond and compare it with the style they use when answering questions that pose a problem for them. This change in speaking style can be a marker for you, indicating that a particular topic needs further investigation.

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Thank you for your attention and I invite you to collaborate.

Grzegorz Olechniewicz

President of the Board / Senior Trainer

GOODMAN GROUP

www.goodman.eu