The Negotiating Brain

We all think we negotiate with a cold, calculating, rational approach.? This is not true. ? Not because we don’t want it to be true.? But because it is impossible to be true.??

It’s not our fault, but how our brains are biologically and physically built. ? We have a 200,000-year-old human brain on top of a 250 million-year-old mammal brain on top of a 500 million-year-old reptile brain.? We process language in the human brain, emotion in the mammal, and physical reactions in the reptile.? (This is a huge oversimplification - apologies in the unlikely case a neuro-scientist is reading this).

We communicate - and negotiate - with language, which is processed in our human brain but must be relayed through the other 2 brains. ? There is a lot of filtering and subconscious cognition that occurs during the relay process.? This is why body language and tone of voice account for 92% of communication.??

The actual decision-making function in the brain is mostly in the mammal part.? Thus the statement “he’s controlled by his emotions” is not a negative judgment but a statement of fact.? So is “We come up with logical reasons to support emotional decisions”. ? Because our willpower is in the emotional part of the brain, that is the only way it can work.

There are many important things that cascade from this.? But specific to negotiation, there are 3 key takeaways:

• You will negotiate emotionally.? Biology aside, it’s the most critical part of the sales cycle and feels like there is the most to gain and/or lose. ? Be prepared for higher emotional responses.
• The only way to separate the emotional response from the decision process is to introduce a time gap.? You need time for your rational mind to process, arrive at logic-based conclusions, and force that into your emotional brain.
• Controlling decision timing requires managing the negotiation process.? “Control the process, and you control the outcome” is not always 100% true, but the inverse is 100% true “Lose control of the process, and you lose control of the outcome”.? Think and plan the process as much as the negotiation strategy and substance being negotiated.? You need the flexibility to call a pause, seek perspective, introduce other stakeholders, and accelerate when the time is right.

One last thing to consider - be prepared to be on the receiving end of emotion. ? I’ve had buyers throw an absolute tantrum in the middle of a meeting, only to calm down and resume professional discussions 2 minutes later.? The first time it happened, I was so caught off guard that it worked brilliantly (for them). I gave them the following three things they asked for. ? Eventually, I learned to call their bluff, ask for (demand!) a break, and come back and pick up exactly where we had left off before the tantrum.

Don’t be afraid to use your emotions to your advantage.? Not throwing a tantrum, but being passionate in defending your interests.? And explaining why it’s better for their business and how your approach guarantees better outcomes.? Leverage your emotional reserves to build and maintain a positive energy throughout the process.? It is contagious and will bring the results you desire.

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This is the first of a series of posts on Negotiation.? Most sellers, and their companies, would like better outcomes from their commercial negotiations.? This is 100% possible with a Negotiation System - a combination of mindset, skills, process, value positioning, and negotiation success models - that are deployed across the GTM team.? DM me to learn more.