Negative Self-Talk: Enemy of Positive Self-Relationships - How to Kick it to the Curb

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Key Takeaways Up Front:

? When negative self-talk comes and tries to move in, we don't have to invite it in, offer it a comfy chair, and bring out refreshments.

? We have the power to change the narrative in our minds

? Learning and using the three power phrases can help us kick negative-self talk out of our minds rather than allowing it rent free space.

? With our self-relationships in line, we are in a position to go out and inspire others.

? Kindness to ourselves and others can make all the difference

Questions to Ponder:

1. What did I learn from this newsletter?
2. How does it apply to me?
3. What am I going to do to apply what I've learned.

I truly believe that if we want to have great relationships with others, we first need to have a great relationship with ourselves.

If you’re like me, that is not always an easy task. We often find ourselves struggling to get along with ourselves. Negative self-talk knocks on our door and instead of turning it away we invite it in to, as the English might say, “have tea and biscuits.” We offer it a nice comfy chair and encourage it to stick around for a while.

The reality is that we have the power within us to choose not to do that. I know from personal experience that not only can we refuse to allow negative self-talk to come in and hang out in our heads, but we can kick it to the curb every time it comes around.

The Backstory

To live in my home as I grew up like being stuck in a stew of mixed messages.

On the one hand, we went to church every Sunday and learned about doing good and loving and caring for each other, a message that resonated with my heart, and about which we spoke at home.

On the other hand, what was spoken often failed to reach the level of actual practice. Too often it seemed like no matter where I turned or what I did, my father was there with some kind of inflammatory and barbed comment or criticism. My mother, who was eternally kindhearted (which has always begged the question as to how she ended up marrying my father) strived to counter dad's negativity, but it was rough going as he didn't hold back his verbal tirades from her either.

As you might imagine, being fed a constant diet of downer fodder like that had a direct and powerful impact on what I believed and felt about myself. Over time I believed what I was told and became trapped in a mental prison built upon and held together with negativity. The narrative I had in my head swirled like a merry-go-round of self-doubt which led to an utter lack of self-confidence.

Fortunately for me, despite the challenges at home, church was truly a refuge from the storm for me. I always felt peace there and what I learned strengthened me to face the rest of the week. Additionally, I was fortunate enough to have good friends. I could escape to their homes and be someplace where harmony actually reigned. There I was able to see and feel what it was like to be in a home where people actually loved each other, not just in word but also in deed.

Happily, I was also lucky enough to have some amazing teachers in junior high and high school which helped me to realize that I had worth and that there was much more to me than I'd been led to believe by my father.

One of those teachers is my dear friend Brian Crouch. He was my seventh-grade social studies teacher. I remember little of what was said in that class. I will forever remember, however, how Brian made me feel. It was in his class where I began to feel like I was good, like I had value, and that I could make a difference. To his day we are still friends and stay in regular touch.

Brian planted that the seeds of self-worth in me and other teachers like Mrs. Taylor (I don't recall her first name), Paul Larson, and Chris Brower, nurtured them and helped me lift my self-talk, and my life, to a higher plane

A Simple Formula For Change

To some degree, my home life still impacts my thinking at times.

But over the years, I've learned to discipline myself so that when the negative thoughts which can lead to negative feelings come, I remember that I'm in charge of the narrative that goes on in my head, and I have the power to change the narrative. I don’t have to allow negativity to have rent free space in my mind.

So how do I do it?

Here's a little formula that helps me to reset the narrative when negativity tries to creep in. I recommend it to anyone who needs a quick uptick in the true, positive self-talk that can kick negative thinking to the curb. It is simple and easy to learn.

Take a few minutes today and write down what I call the three power phrases:

1. I am good.
2. I have value.
3. I make a difference.

Once you've written them down, take things one step further by adding the word "because" after the first two phrases and the word "by" after the third phrase.

1. I am good because...
2. I have value because...
3. I make a difference by...

Then take a few minutes to answer the newly formed statements. As an example, here's what I currently state:

1. I am good because I care about people and strive to see the good in others.
2. I have value because I'm one of a kind. There's no one else quite like me and I bring my own unique set of gifts to the world.
3. I make a difference by developing and continuously striving to improve my talents and abilities and using them to make the world a better place.

Those affirmative statements work well for me. Each of you will have different things to say. The key is making the statements meaningful in a way that will act as a catalyst for lifting your thoughts to a higher place and not allowing negative swirls to settle in.

I fully recognize that this formula is not a cure all. However, I've found it extremely useful, and I'm confident you will too.

I encourage you, after you've written your final statements, to keep a copy of them somewhere that you can easily see them. As time goes on, update or change them as needed.

The next time negative self-talk tries to sneak in, review your statements. Remember that you are good, and why you are good. Remember that you have value and why you have value. Remember that you make a difference and why you make a difference. As you do, your mind will be lifted and brightened.

Then do one more thing.

With your mindset back where it needs to be, forget yourself for a while and go out and find a way to be the reason someone else feels that they are good, have value, and can make a difference. Your kindness may reach, help, and heal a heart and mind, just like my friends and teachers did for me. And that, my friends, could make all the difference.

Until next week. Remember to embrace kindness. It does everybody good.

THIS WRITING FOR THIS ARTICLE IS 100% HUMAN GENERATED.

About Randy

Randall McNeely is a passionate advocate for kindness and the transformative power it can have in our lives.

He is the author of multiple books including The Kindness Givers' Formula 2.0: A 5-Step Guide to Reaching Hearts, Inspiring Change, and Healing the World Through Love , and The Kindness Library Volume 1: Inspiring True Stories of the Transformative Power of Kindness.

Randy speaks about and teaches how to lead with kindness to bring out the best in others and get fantastic results.

Reach out today with a direct message to book Randy for your next event.

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