Are negative emotions really a thing?

When we view something as negative, we see it as harmful or undesirable. We imagine it as something that takes from us - negative literally means less than zero. So, what are the consequences of applying this word to our feelings? What are “negative emotions”?

Commonly grouped into this category are feelings such as anger, sadness and anxiety and when we frame those feelings as negative, we then might want to stop them or get rid of them. However, if we can bear to look at these experiences without judging them - instead seeking to understand them - then we might view them purely as information.

Is anger bad?

For instance, anger is a natural response to feeling threatened, hurt, or oppressed and it emerges in us so that we might protect ourselves and those we love, and ideally go on to change something in our environment. Anger properly directed is a force for change and without it we might lack the impetus to push back when things are wrong. So, is anger really a negative emotion?

It might become a problematic emotion if it is directed towards those who are innocent of any wrongdoing, or if it is needlessly destructive, straying into rage which can be overwhelming, chaotic, and uncontained. (Even then, there can be times when these extremes can be of value, especially when the individual has been chronically abused and oppressed and their life is in danger). But is it really negative, if it serves a useful purpose?

Is sadness a negative emotion?

Sadness tells us that we are hurting and, like other types of pain, it is there to give us information that something is wrong and needs us to act. If I get too close to the fire and don’t feel pain, then I will become damaged; imagine how dangerous it would be for us not to sense pain. Similarly, if we didn’t feel sadness, we wouldn’t think twice about separating from those we love. Sadness tells us that our connections matter.

But what about anxiety?

Fear and anxiety also serve to protect us and turn up our senses fully to deal with threats. It may be that we are overly stressed and need to do something about that, but the emotion is not the problem here – rather it is our lack of understanding about how to deal with it.

How to deal with emotions we don't like

Let’s look at an emotion such as envy: a feeling of grudging admiration for the qualities possessed by another. It’s what we do with this that is crucial. Do we attack the person we envy in an attempt to bring them down or do we acknowledge the feeling that we want more for ourselves and use it to motivate us to be more than we are already?

The same can be said of jealousy, dissatisfaction, boredom, disappointment, and frustration, none of which are inherently negative, just information that something in us needs attention - motivators, if you like, for changing something about how we're living.

It may be the case that sometimes we might need help with painful experiences. We can’t always fix ourselves by ourselves and so we might need others to help us. If I’m feeling very sad due to a significant loss in my life, having someone to lean on both literally and metaphorically can help me to fully let go of my tears, express myself, understand what has happened and find connections that help to heal me. The loss itself will likely never be repaired however I don’t need to be alone with the grief and can learn from others who know about grief and how to live again. Sharing experiences with others who know can teach us that our feelings are natural, valid and that some people can and do understand.

What if we can't shift it?

It seems that emotions become problematic when they get stuck, for instance if no amount of being angry seems to make a person feel any better then it is likely that something else is going on. What is behind the anger that may need attention? Is the individual sitting in anger because it is easier and more acceptable than feeling the hurt that may lie underneath?

If feelings are blocked or denied then we can’t learn from them. If I have a pain in my body, I need to find out more about that pain, its exact location, whether it varies in intensity, what makes it increase or decrease so that I might work out what to do to recover and heal. This might include going to a doctor and telling them what I’ve discovered about what is going on in my body.

Can we apply the same inquisitive approach to our emotions and if need be, go to someone who knows about emotions (like a counsellor) to help us learn from them? There is a wisdom within us that can help if we allow it to.