'Negative emotions' and how to deal with them

Part of our conversation in our coach training this week is about 'negative' emotions.

As psychologist Susan Davids says: "Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life."

Negative emotions are not to be made going away. But we can help people learn to be with these emotions, to navigate them. Because in our world, we have learned to perpetuate them with the stories we tell ourselves. The physical sensations that come with an emotion last no longer than 90 seconds. This is not to mean that we should have forgotten about them or what caused us to feel the emotion after that. It's not that it should be 'done' by then.

But the reason they are here is that they have an important message. Fear is about wanting to keep ourselves safe. Anger is a sign a boundary has been crossed and we might need to assert ourselves. All of them have incredible value if we don't get lost in them.

So it's good to hold space and allow people a chance to give words to what is happening for them. To let the message be heard.

AND

While we do hold space, in soul-based coaching, we are offering a river bed for the natural healing flow to happen. For insights to surface and release to be found.

AND

At the same time we pay attention to the structure of their experience in the background. What logic are they applying to their situation or themselves? How are things they talk about related. What meaning are they attaching to what they are going through? (We pay attention but keep our thoughts about this to ourselves (and this is very significant in what we do - but that's another conversation).)

Because all of this isn't 'truth'. It's a client's subjective experience - and very true for them. But there are many ways in which their system can learn from itself given a chance to start relating to the narrative in a different way. And with that, I mean given a chance to leave the well-trodden paths of their mind, that only has the often taken side paths to choose from, all the other options have been overgrown with weeds it seems.

So what we do DO is:

We listen. 

We repeat back some of their literal words (and this matters greatly! again a topic for another day)

And then we ask: and when it's like this, what would you like to have happen?

This is a question designed to include and transcend the current perception. Not to negate or deny or push away the current perception.

As Einstein said: it's impossible to solve anything from the level of awareness it was created.

Try it. It will make a big difference in how people can relate with their experience, and it will assist them in getting (back) into the driver's seat. So they can start feeling more empowered, no matter what the circumstances of their lives are.

And now let's hear your thoughts and questions!