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I am seeking a copywriting position. Please review my Profile. Below are selected examples of my writing. You may find more examples in my Profile articles that have been published. Thank you for your consideration!

Writing Examples – Noah LeVia

The following are examples of Noah LeVia’s copywriting. They are divided into sections. Please read at your leisure.

I:  Articles On Marketing/Promotions: 3 examples of blog-type general articles regarding Marketing/Promotions.

II:    Copywriting For Others: 3 radio commercials for LEE’S Towing of Brevard County, FL., “Celeste And The Clauses” video commercial for Celeste Wolfe, a Phoenix Realtor, and an Excerpt from 1989 radio show on Seattle Public Radio, “The World’s Wonderland,” a creation of Noah and his wife, Vashti Ataya, as the professional entertainment team of The StorySingers.

III.  Articles For “SENIOR WIRE,” news outlet for seniors: 4 articles written for the senior market.

I: Articles On Marketing/Promotions:

“Marketing & Promotion: Different or Same?”

? Marketing and Promotion. What are the differences? According to The Business Dictionary, Marketing is: “The management process through which goods and services move from concept to the customer. It includes the coordination of 4 elements called "The 4 Ps of Marketing:”

1. identification, selection & development of a product
2. determination of its price
3. selection of a distribution channel to reach the customer's place
4. development of a promotional strategy."

The Business Dictionary states that marketing develops a demand for a product to fill the customers’ needs.

The Free Management Library defines Promotion thusly: “Promotion keeps the product in the minds of the customer and helps stimulate demand for the product. Promotion involves ongoing advertising and publicity (mention in the press).” The Library defines Marketing and Promotion as: “Marketing activities include “inbound marketing,” such as market research to find out, for example, what groups of potential customers exist, what their needs are, which of those needs you can meet, how you should meet them, etc. Inbound marketing also includes analyzing the competition, positioning your new product or service (finding your market niche), and pricing your products and services. “Outbound marketing” includes promoting a product through continued advertising, promotions, public relations and sales.”

Are Marketing & Promotion the same? Or are they different? According to the above, it seems to be dependent upon whether the genre, if that is the correct term, is “inbound marketing” or “outbound marketing.” Certainly it seems that a need must be defined and a product to fill that need developed before the product can be promoted. Perhaps not. Perhaps a need could be “invented” by a shrewd promoter who simultaneously promotes the need and markets the product.

Webster's Dictionary defines Marketing as: “The activities required by a producer to sell his products, including advertising, storing, taking orders, and distribution to vendors or individuals.” This definition includes Promotions (“advertising”), and this is the definition I have always considered Marketing to be....”outbound marketing” as defined above by The Business Dictionary. I have always considered Market Research to be just that...researching a “Market Niche” in order to develop a “Niche-filling product” that can be Marketed, Promoted, and Advertised to those that need it. As an instrument of investigation and exploration, “Market Research” probes a need for a potential product, but it does not promote or actively market that product.

Once a Hiring Manager told me in an interview that the position needed a Marketer and not a Promoter. I asked what the difference is between Marketing and Promotions. The answer was that Promoters give away pens, buttons, notepads, and calendars at Trade Fairs, and Marketers sell the products those items promote. The Hiring Manager told me I was a Promoter and not a Marketer. That surprised me because I consider myself to be both. If I promote a product, I expect to also sell that product.

A good example of a Promoter/Marketer, I think, was my position as the “Promotional Persona” or “Living Logo” of Captain D for Captain D’s Seafood Restaurants. In the 1970s I was hired to create and develop the “Living Logo” of the cartoon sea captain who represented Captain D’s Seafood Restaurants headquartered in Nashville, TN. As a Character Actor and Professional Storyteller, I developed a persona who told exciting sea stories. As a Promoter, I appeared in venues...especially schools...nationwide, told my sea stories, displayed hand-drawn pictures of those stories that kids in other places had drawn after my visit, handed out a promotional packet of a Captain D comic book, an autographed photo of me, and a coupon for a free soft drink, and invited the kids to come to the local Captain D’s restaurant that night to see me. I also invited them to bring a picture they had drawn, and I'd hang in on the restaurant wall. The kids came in droves, naturally bringing their parents and perhaps other siblings. As a Promoter, I brought in the business. As a Marketer, I was responsible for the increase of food sold in the restaurant during my appearance and, hopefully, after I left. The Captain D Character Promotional/Marketing Campaign was a great campaign and a marvelous example of effective promotion. Due to personal conflicts, I resigned that position, and the Captain D Restaurant chain has since moved away from that advertising concept.

“Advertising.” Where does that fit in? And what about Public Relations? Aren’t Marketing, Promotions, Advertising, Public Relations, and Sales all one-and-the-same? M. Booth & Associates define them thusly in their article “Promoting Issues And Ideas”:... “if the circus is coming to town and you paint a sign saying ‘Circus Coming to the Fairground Saturday’, that’s advertising. If you put the sign on the back of an elephant and walk it into town, that’s promotion. If the elephant walks through the mayor’s flower bed, that’s publicity. And if you get the mayor to laugh about it, that’s public relations." If the town's citizens go the circus, you show them the many entertainment booths, explain how much fun they’ll have spending money at the booths, answer their questions and ultimately, they spend a lot at the circus, that’s sales."

As mentioned above, if I promote a product, I also expect to sell that product. That is why it has always been difficult for me to see a difference between Marketing and Promotions or Promotions and Marketing. Market Research aside, I believe Marketing and Promotions are so intertwined that they are basically one-and-the-same. Perhaps they should be called "Markomotions" or "Promarketing.”

“A Promotional Persona As A Marketing Tool”

There have been many words written about “The Face Of The Brand” as a marketing method to identify and solidify a product in the minds of consumers. “The Face” of any product is the recognized iconic symbol by which that product is identified...its “brand.” Of course, some brands become so familiarly embedded within The Consumer Psyche that they identify all similar products. For example, a tissue paper is only a tissue paper; however, if I need one, I would probably ask someone to please bring me a Kleenex, no matter what company’s name may be on the box of tissues.

Proper branding is integral in Marketing & Promotions. An effective Marketing “Face-Of-The-Brand” is a human “Promotional Persona” as opposed to a costumed or inanimate Avatar; a “real person reaching out to real people.” A Marketing Savvy Promotional Persona can be the centerpiece of a successful and productive “Promotional Personality Campaign.” This Personality, a “Living Logo,” could generate immeasurable Good Will and positive public relations for a company and its products. A capable Personality represents a company’s finest features and portrays a pleasant, friendly, and hospitable Corporate Image.

Marketing Good Will is as important as is marketing products, goods, or services. Good Will is vital in supporting everything from governments to granaries. Consumer Good Will is achieved through positive perception of a company and its products; perception follows initial image, and a talented Promotional Persona or Public Relations Liaison can paint an excellent image in the general “Consumer Mind.”

Some Personas that immediately “come to mind” are Progessive Insurance’s “Flo,” McDonald’s “Ronald McDonald,” and “The Maytag Repairman” of Maytag. Harland Sanders’ persona as “Colonel Sanders” became so entwined with Kentucky Fried Chicken that one of the most famous brands in the world is his face and “KFC.” A Promotional Persona can take a company’s message and image to schools, malls, parades, sporting contests, fairs, celebrations, trade shows, and myriad public events. Today’s electronic advertising is quite effective in reaching an enormous amount of potential consumers at once. However, nothing can beat the “Old Fashioned” promotion of face-to-face human interaction. A Promotional Persona can literally place a company’s message in a potential consumer’s hand as handshakes are traded. That is the reason aspiring politicians “get out amongst the people,” shake hands, and “work the crowd.” Aspiring politicians are themselves their own “Promotional Personas.”

I speak from personal experience. I have been fortunate to serve as several “Promotional Personas/ Living Logos” throughout the years. They are listed on my Linkedin Profile. They all were successful as marketing campaigns. They all were also quite memorable. Perhaps one of the most memorable ones was the Promotional Personality Marketing Campaign as the “Living Logo” of Captain D for the Captain D’s Seafood Restaurant chain nationwide. I was the original “Captain D” and traveled the nation making personal appearances in many of the venues listed above for a Promotional Persona’s appearance. Most effective were appearances in elementary schools in local markets. As a veteran Character Actor and Professional Storyteller, I leveraged that expertise in developing a presentation specifically for the schools. In school assemblies numbering in the hundreds of students I told exciting sea stories. After the stories, I displayed a greatly oversized scrapbook full of drawings that other kids from across the country had drawn regarding my stories. I explained to the audience that the pictures in the scrapbook were from other kids just like them, and I invited the audience to also draw pictures of something they liked the best in one of my stories. I told them I would be at a specific Captain D’s restaurant that night and invited them to bring me their drawings, and I would hang them on the restaurant’s wall. I then showed them a handout they were receiving: a photograph of me, a Captain D’s coloring book, and a coupon for a free soft drink.

Children came to the restaurant in droves, bringing their drawings and their free soft drink coupons. Naturally, they brought their parents as well. Naturally, the entire family also came to eat. Whenever I had the time to leave my “Hosting Post” at the entrance of the restaurant, I would stroll the restaurant, greet the families, and tell a sea story or two if possible. This was a hugely successful Promotional Personality Marketing Campaign. I never was privy to the percentage increase of sales during an appearance; however, I know it was substantial.

As things have a way of changing, so, too, did the “Experience of Captain D” change. Because I travelled the nation so much and wasn’t home, my then-marriage suffered considerably. That marriage also suffered due to shared personal problems between me and my then-wife. In order to “do the right thing in an attempt to save my marriage,” I resigned over protests from the Company. The Company half-heartedly attempted to replace “The Captain,” but no one could have successfully replaced my characterization. I don’t say that from ego. I say that because “my” Captain D Persona and presentation had become so ingrained in consumers’ minds that the character’s replacement was equivalent to replacing KFC’s Colonel Sanders with Ronald McDonald...it didn’t work.

Both Captain D’s Seafood Restaurants and I went our separate ways, and Captain D’s changed its entire image focus. Obviously, I have no idea what would have happened if I had not resigned. Perhaps the Marketing Campaign would have had the staying power that Ronald McDonald has had. I would like to think so. However, I do know that, while it lasted, I had a central and integral part in creating, developing, and shaping a highly successful, enjoyable, profitable, and fun Marketing Campaign through an original Promotional Personality.

A savvy Marketing Team, working with an equally savvy Persona, can develop a very successful and memorable Promotional Personality Marketing Campaign. Such a Persona can add a depth to a campaign that no other Marketing tool can. The “Promotional Persona Marketing Method” is one I greatly enjoy. I have fond memories of the Captain D Persona as well as all of the rest. Many times I miss them. Many times I wonder who the next one will be.

Perhaps he’s even now “waiting in the wings.

“I Was A-Hearin’ A-Cawin’”

I was a-hearin’ a-cawin’ this mornin’. Folks ‘round here don’t hear cawins much ‘cause there ain’t many crows in these parts. Most crows’re up north of here. Lots of ‘em east. Anyways, I was a-hearin’ a-cawin’ which is a pretty rare sound here. So I poked my head out’n the door to see where it was a-comin’ from. There he was. A-sittin’ atop the light post in front just a-cawin’ and a-mutterin’ to hisself. Big ol’ crow. Black as the coal in these mountains.

Sounds like the beginning of a book or short story, doesn’t it? Maybe it is. Perhaps I should see if I could “flesh it out” some and see where it goes. I think a working title could be “I Heard A-Cawin.’” The writing style is reminiscent of “These Is My Words,” a book by Nancy Turner. Sarah Agnes Prine was an early Arizona pioneer in the Tucson area, and her diary was developed as a book by her granddaughter, Nancy. If you have never read “These Is My Words,” I wholeheartedly recommend it! An historical novel based upon actual experiences of Arizona pioneers, “These Is My Words” is a fascinating read.

At any rate, I was preparing to go outside early this morning when I indeed “heard a-cawin.” That is actually a rare sound here since crows are not very plentiful in this part of Arizona. Although crows and ravens do live in Arizona, they are more common in Northern and Eastern Arizona than they are in the Phoenix Valley. Perhaps it is too hot for them here. In 11 years of living in the Phoenix Valley, I have seen a raven twice. I have seen crows maybe 4 times, including today. I have seen a gray bushy-tailed squirrel 3 times. I miss crows and bushy-tailed squirrels. I also miss blue jays, magpies, and robins.

However, upon moving to the Phoenix Valley I was introduced to a charming and quirky bird, the Curved Billed Thatcher. A gray bird the size of a mockingbird, Thatchers are social birds probably best known for throwing up small rocks with their curved bills. They are searching for insects and worms underneath the rocks. Much of the landscaping here is “desert landscaping,” which means an abundance of rocks and fewer bushes or trees in and around a house or business. If you were to see a depression within a “rock lawn” with a circle of rocks around it, you could safely guess a Thatcher had been searching there. Thatchers are normally monogamous, and a pair will live in a 3-5 mile radius. They have distinctive whistling calls. But I digress.

Crows are fun to watch. We live in the end house on a cul-de-sac, and an irrigation canal on our left side divides our subdivision from one across the canal. There is indeed a street light pole at the end of the cul-de-sac, almost in front of our house. On top of all street light poles is a small “knob” which, I suspect, is a solar timer for the street lights to come on in the evening and go off in the morning. “My” crow was perched on top of the light pole and was extremely interested in the timer knob on top. There were three of his friends exploring the ground beside the canal. The “pole” crow would caw loudly occasionally as if he were communicating with the others; however, most of his attention was focused on the knob, and he was literally constantly “muttering” to himself as he attempted to remove the knob. Crows are known for their penchant for shiny objects which they collect and take to their nests. I suspect “my” crow was talking to himself about how to remove the knob as his newest addition to his collection. One of the “canal” crows was also muttering to himself as he examined rocks and other objects on the ground. I suspect he, too, was carrying on a running commentary about the value of various items he found.

Crows are plentiful in other areas where I’ve lived: Florida, Washington State, North Carolina, Tennessee. I enjoy watching them. I once lived across from the County Courthouse in Port Townsend, WA. The courthouse, like many, has a tall clock tower. Groups of crows loved to gather on top of the clock tower and, one by one, dive straight down until they almost hit the ground. At the very last second before hitting, they would somehow adjust their wings so they swooped up again. As each crow dived, the others on top of the tower would caw loudly to cheer him on. I suspect those crows’ descendants are still playing that game.

Then there was the time I watched two ducks get into a fight on a golf course in Florida. I suspect they were male ducks discovering which one would claim mating rights to a female. As they began their fight, a crow landed above them in a palm tree. The crow began to caw loudly; however, it was a definite “caw with a beat” that sounded for all the world like “Fight! Fight! Fight!” Immediately other crows flew to the spot, lit in palm trees above the ducks, and engaged in noisy crow comments about the fight below. As the ducks moved farther down the golf course, the crow audience flew to trees above and continued to be engaged in the entertainment below. Finally, the ducks settled their differences and dis-engaged. When they did, so did the crows and flew back to whatever crow business in which they were involved before the fight.

So what does all this have to do with Marketing and Promotions? How about

• Creative Writing - descriptive and imaginative, Creative Writing highlights positive features of a company or product, generating desirability and Good Will.
• Storytelling - good Marketing is good storytelling. A product or company has a “story” to tell. Actually, we are all storytellers. When a companion asks “How was your day?,” the answer is framed as storytelling. Whenever we describe an event or a feeling, we are telling a story.
• Nostalgia - the dictionary defines nostalgia as “the wistful desire or yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.” I submit that “good Marketing” creates the nostalgia for former beauty in marketing cosmetics, the nostalgia for former health in marketing health aids, and the nostalgia for former attractiveness in marketing diet systems.
• Shared Experiences - most of us share experiences of being charmed by birds. Most of us have mental images of ducks. Many of us miss birds not native to where we now reside. To be effective, I submit Marketing has to speak to the common interests of its targeted audience. The proverbial “He could sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo in an igloo” is an example of targeting shared experiences and interests. Obviously, someone living in an extremely cold climate inside an igloo may not have the necessity of a refrigerator....although a refrigerator inside an igloo would be convenient in allowing the person to stay inside and not have to go out into the cold to choose stored food. In the sense of convenience, therefore, selling a refrigerator to the resident of an igloo makes perfect sense.
• Making Sense - “Making Sense” has to do with “Shared Experiences” and “Common Environment.” Different Marketing Methods would certainly be used to target a Brazilian deep-jungle tribe or an Afghan deep-mountain tribe. My above post would probably not make as much sense to them as it does to you, the reader.

So what do crows mean to Marketing?

To answer that question, perhaps Saladin’s line from the 2005 movie “The Kingdom Of Heaven” may suffice. After a ferocious siege in which Orlando Bloom’s character, Balian, surrenders Jerusalem to Ghassan Massoud’s character, Saladin, Balian asks Saladin “What does Jerusalem mean?”

Saladin replies, “Nothing................Everything.”

II: Copywriting For Others:

Selected Radio Commercials For LEE’S Towing of Brevard County, FL

“SOUNDS:”

           (A sudden, forceful, high-pitched baby’s cry. Cry stops suddenly.)

ANNOUNCER: Got your attention? There are other sounds that get your attention also.

(Series of sounds: car horn blowing, tires screeching, & car crash……..engine turning over & over, not starting……..clickety-clickety of a dead battery trying to turn over……..car engine running & begins to “knock” & female voice saying, “What was THAT sound?”)

ANNOUNCER: Not very good sounds to hear, are they? When you hear them in South Brevard, dial 728-5588. Or in Central Brevard dial 632-8889 for the best sound you can hear.

           (Sound: one telephone ring as heard by the caller. On the other end of the line a female voice says, “LEE’S Towing. How may we help you?”)

ANNOUNCER: LEE’S Towing is ready 24 hours a day to assist you. LEE’S has reliably served Brevard since 1969. Bell South Mobility customers dial Star LEE’S and listen to the best sound you can hear.

           (Sound: Repeat of telephone ring & female voice answering, “LEE’S Towing. How may we help you?”)

“HALLOWEEN”

           (Sound: a demonic laugh)

ANNOUNCER: Getting ready for Halloween? Again it is time for ghosts (moaning sound), goblins (shrieking sound), and creep crawlers (“creepy crawling” sound) to be abroad in the land. So be prepared for (Sounds: doorbell, door opening, & kids “trick or treat”). And beware of the vehicle vampire who sucks the life out of your vehicle’s battery. (Sound of motor turning over & not starting). Watch out for the tire troll that loves to give you flats. (Sound of tire blowing out & air hissing). Be careful of the mud monster that won’t let your vehicle move. (Sound of wheels spinning in mud). Don’t be tricked by these or any other vehicular varmints this Halloween or any other time. Just call LEE’S Towing. LEE’S will treat you to quality, competent, and professional vehicle assistance. We’re in your neighborhood when you need us. In South Brevard dial 728-5588. In Central Brevard dial 63.2-8889. Bell South Mobility customers dial Star LEE’S. LEE’S Towing. No tricks. Only treats. At Halloween and all year long.

“OUT OF THIS WORLD”

           (Sounds: weird, space-like sounds underneath spoken words.)

ZORB: Hey, Norb, I think we’re lost in space.

NORB: I think we made a wrong turn at that big asteroid, Zorb.

ZORB: We’d better stop at the nearest planet for directions.

NORB: Hey, there’s a pretty blue and white one. Let’s stop there.

ZORB: Starting landing procedures. (sputtering sounds) Uh, oh. I think we’re out of fuel.

NORB: Look at that long strip of land sticking out in the ocean. See if you can land there.

           (Sound: Slide whistle “down” sound. Then sound of landing in mud.)

ZORB: Well, we’re stuck in the mud in a strange place and we’re out of fuel. Now what?

NORB: Turn on the radio. The Universal Language Translator will let us understand the language. Maybe we can hear something that will help us.

           (Sound: Radio clicking on. Announcer’s voice)

ANNOUNCER: Do you need vehicle assistance? LEE’S Towing can get you going. Just call LEE’S. In South Brevard dial 728-5588. In Central Brevard dial 632-8889. Bell South Mobility customers dial Star LEE’S.

           (Sound: Slide whistle “up.” Then weird, space-like noises again.)

ZORB: We’re on our way again, Norb.

NORB: We sure are, thanks to LEE’S Towing.

ANNOUNCER; LEE’S Towing can get you going. LEE’S Towing. For service that’s out-of-this-world.

Celeste And The Clauses Video Commercial (Commercial for Realtor)

Interior: Kitchen. Mrs. C pouring tea from kettle into cup. Jingle bells sound. She looks up at ceiling.

MRS. C.

Ah. There he is now.

Interior: Santa enters through side door. Is tired. Drags an empty bag. Drops bag. Places cap and coat on hat rack or back of chair. Slumps in chair.

SANTA

Oh, ho, ho, ho. What a night. Ran into head winds everywhere. And it is cold, I tell you.

(Mrs. C brings him a cup of tea. She sits in chair opposite him.)

MRS. C.

Here you are, dear. This will warm you up.

SANTA

Thank you, dear. Let’s buy a house in a warmer climate.

MRS. C

Where?

SANTA

How about Phoenix? In the Valley of the Sun.

MRS. C.

Yes, Phoenix is very nice. We had a wonderful vacation there once.

SANTA

Yes, we did. I enjoy The Valley of the Sun everytime I go there.

MRS. C.

A house there would be nice. But we’ll need a realtor.

SANTA

And I know just the one! Celeste Wolfe. Known her since she was a baby!

MRS. C.

Oh, yes! You’ve told me all about her.

SANTA

Celeste’s the best! Let’s go see her.

Exterior: Santa, Mrs. C, and Celeste are standing around a “For Sale” sign in front of a house. Celeste removes the “For Sale” sign. As she does so, she says:

CELESTE

I know you’re just going to love your home here in Phoenix, Santa and Mrs. Claus!

SANTA

Ho, ho, ho. You gave me a great gift, Celeste! You helped us find our perfect Phoenix home.

MRS. C.

Come inside, dear, and have some cookies and milk.

Interior: Arrangement is Celeste sitting between Santa and Mrs. C. on a couch. Plate of cookies on coffee table in front of them. Each have a cookie and a glass of milk.

SANTA (TO CAMERA)

Give yourself a great gift of a home this Christmas.

MRS. C. (TO CAMERA)

See Celeste.

SANTA (TO CAMERA)

She’s the best!

Wide Shot of all on couch: They all toast with their milk.

VOICE OVER – NARRATOR

Give yourself the gift of a home this Christmas. See Celeste. She will help you find your perfect Phoenix home. Celeste Wolfe. She’s the best!

Excerpt From “The World’s Wonderland,” 1989 Radio Show on Seattle Public Radio (This was an original radio show created by Noah LeVia and his wife, Vashti Ataya)

THE WORLD’S WONDERLAND ? 5/17/89 – THE STORYSINGERS

INTRO MUSIC:

NOAH (BARTHOLOMEW): WOW! IT’S TIME TO GO TO WONDERLAND AGAIN! I SEE THE STORYSINGERS GETTING READY TO GET ON THE RAINBOW AND SLIDE DOWN RIGHT NOW! HEY! WAIT FOR ME!

VASHTI: HELLO, BARTHOLOMEW BIGGLESWORTH! I SEE YOU ARE WEARING THE SPECKLED SHOES OF YOUR IMAGINATION. ARE YOU READY TO GO TO WONDERLAND WITH US TODAY?

NOAH: I SURE DO LIKE GOING TO WONDERLAND WITH YOU, BARTHOLOMEW! SINCE YOU HAVE INTRODUCED US AND OUR STORYLISTENERS TO THE SPECKLED SHOES OF OUR IMAGINATION, MANY OF US GO TO WONDERLAND EVERY DAY.

NOAH (BART): I’M ALL SET! I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO SEE THE BLUE FAIRY! LET’S GO!

VASHTI: HOP ON THE RAINBOW, THEN, AND AWAY WE G O O O O O O!

SLIDE WHISTLE DOWN THE RAINBOW

VASHTI (BLUE FAIRY): MY, MY, MY. IF IT ISN’T THE STORYSINGERS AND BARTHOLOMEW BIGGLESWORTH! GREETINGS! GREETINGS AND HELLO!

AD LIB GREETINGS ALL AROUND

NOAH: LET’S GO OVER TO THE STORY PATCH AND SEE IF ANY STORIES ARE BLOOMING! (BART) LOOK OVER THERE NEXT TO THE STORY PATCH, NOAH! DID YOU SEE THE MELODY GROVE THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE? THAT’S THE PLACE WHERE ALL THE TUNES IN THE WORLD COME FROM. THE MELODY GROVE IS A REALLY NEAT PLACE TO WALK BECAUSE YOU CAN HEAR THE TUNES IN THE BREEZES THAT BLOW THERE.

VASHTI (BLUE FAIRY): OH, YES, MELODY GOVE! THAT’S WHERE ALL THE YOUNG FAIRIES REST BEFORE THEY CHOOSE THE COLOR OF THEIR WINGS. YOU CAN HEAR YOUR OWN SONG THERE IN THE MELODY GOVE. EVERY NOW AND THEN, THOUGH, THE BRANCHES HAVE TO BE PRUNED OR THE NOTES GET ALL MIXED UP AND JANGLY. WHY, ONE TIME THE GROVE DIDN’T GET PRUNED PROPERLY, THE NOTES GOT ALL MIXED UP, AND THIS IT SOUNDED LIKE…

FX: HEAVY METAL ROCK & ROLL – 4 SEC.

VASHTI (BLUE FAIRY):  THAT HASN’T HAPPENED LATELY, THOUGH,

NOAH: THAT’S GOOD, BLUE FAIRY. SAY, BARHTOLOMEW AND VASHTI, LET’S GO OVER TO THE LINDEN TREE BEFORE WE GO TO THE STORY PATCH. I WOULD LIKE TO ASK THEOPHILUS THACKERY, THE BLUE-HEADED, RIDDLE-TELLING PARROT A QUESTION.

SOUND: LINDEN TREE CHORUS

NOAH (THEO): AARK! HELLO, STORYSINGERS. HELLO, BARTHOLOMEW! WHAT WAS YOUR QUESTION, NOAH? AAARK, SOUND CARRIES HERE IN WONDERLAND, YOU KNOW. NOAH: HELLO, THEO. I WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT THE LOCATION OF WONDERLAND. WHERE EXACTLY IS IT? I LOOKED ON THE MAP AT HOME AND COULDN’T FIND IT ANYWHERE. THEO: THAT QUESTION REMINDS ME OF A RIDDLE. WANT TO HEAR AND SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS? AND MAYBE THEN YOU WILL HAVE THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION, TOO. NOAH: FAIR ENOUGH, THEO. LET’S HAVE YOUR RIDDLE.

III. Articles For “SENIOR WIRE,” news outlet for seniors:

“A Contemplative Garden”

We each have favorite spots. They may be peaceful ponds in city parks, rose gardens in arboretums, or ocean beaches. One in Central Florida is Bok Tower Gardens, described as “a contemplative garden” in its brochure. It is a meandering milieu of lush landscaping, brilliant flowers, Spanish moss-draped oaks, and open meadows centered around a carillon tower. Truly a contemplative garden, conversations are whispered as a mantle of stillness and serenity descends upon those who enter.

The Gardens share those qualities with other special spaces, contemplative gardens of reverie. As we age, they become more precious as our past hubbubs and hullabaloos dim to duller dins viewed through life’s reverse binoculars. Join me in such a contemplative garden where we may muse about our generation’s journeys.

Whatever – wherever – this space is, it is our personal contemplative garden reserved for us, The Aged. From its viewpoint we glimpse our evolution, for have we not evolved from who, what, and where we were to who, what, and where we are? Let us ponder our progressions and transformations. Although it may sound like a cow chewing her cud, let us ruminate awhile.  

Many of us old folks are unfamiliar with current musical artists or their music, and many of us are appalled when we see and hear them. But we remember when old folks were aghast at Elvis, and we were repelled by Guy Lombardo. Do we now, as elders, not feel sad for young folks who never were treated to Perry Como’s “Catch A Falling Star,” Dean Martin’s “That’s Amore,” or Dinah Shore’s “Far Away Places?” We cherish great past artists and songs, songs that grew into us as we grew and became part of our lives, the musical bedrocks of our generation. Today’s generation has its own music to become its cherished oldies, but, oh, what today’s generation has missed! How fortunate we were to experience those artists. What nostalgia and, yes, what strength “A Sentimental Journey” imparts to our souls. To paraphrase one of our generation’s famed performers, “How sweet it was!”  

Many of us are repulsed by vulgarities in movies and television shows. However, we recall the shock of old folks when Rhett famously said to Scarlett, “I don’t give a damn” while we impudently were spewing “fudge,” “flippin’,” and “darn” in our young cursing vocabularies. “Crap” was a biggie! Many contemporary comedians lace their routines with all manner of obscenities and indecencies. Do we now, as elders, not lament that today’s generation never knew the gentle affability of Red Skelton, Ed Wynn, or the Smothers Brothers? We fondly remember Jimmy Durante’s “Inka Dinka Doo” and his bidding Mrs. Calabash goodnight. Wherever she was. They were positive forces, those early television titans! In our musings we recognize their dignity in bringing laughter to our younger selves and realize they imparted goodness and worthiness within us also. It is a poignant perception, bittersweet in its memory, of our passage from those days to these.

Many of us remember electric-ball typewriters and mimeograph morphing into floppy disks that antiquated white out and correction fluid. Now we type massive amounts of data into computers on our laps and carry the world’s combined knowledge in our pockets or purses. We recall teachers determinedly drilling printing penmanship and cursive scripting into our fingers. Forsaken like hand-cranked rotary telephones, hand writing is no longer a skill as cursive composition cannot be recorded or read by many of today’s generation. Do we now, as elders, not bemoan their deficit, a deficiency fashioned from best intentions of preparation for the digital age? Yet the valuable skill of hand-eye-brain creative coordination or attraction of calligraphy cannot be found on keyboards. Thrills of mastering slants of lower-case “a,” numbers of humps in “n” or “m,” or closing towers of “t” and opening ones of “l” no longer are experienced. Our generation’s personal identities were influenced by our personal handwriting. We identify with our individual penmanship because it is ours alone. Wobbly writing by aged, trembling hands, maybe, but our scripting nevertheless. Time-honored touchstones of individual identity have been replaced by keyboards and thumb-texting. How fortunate we have been for our handwriting to grow old with us!

How fortunate we are to have come this far and be able to pause in our contemplative garden to review how we got here. Those bygone bumps weren’t quite as high as we thought then, the road not quite as rocky. Pains have passed, but the joys? Oh, they last! The future? “The past is prologue,” so the saying goes. If so, we take solace in knowing dreaded mountains will be molehills, and apparent rugged roads will be smooth. We relax in our recliners and relish the peace in our contemplative gardens, grateful and reassured of who, what, and where we are right here, right now.     

“A View From A Wheelchair”

Recently I had an uncommon experience. I was pushed in a wheelchair through a crowd.

A view from a wheelchair is quite different from the ones I normally see. Ordinarily I am not wheelchair-confined; however, Degenerative Disc Disease, Spinal Stenosis, and arthritic knees render walking and standing rather uncomfortable. Typically my “sight-milieu” is that of an erect, albeit short, person. Obviously, the wheelchair view is a seated one, seen from a situation in which I have little or no control. As I mentioned, I was pushed through a crowd.

Join me for the trip. I do the best I can to sit back and relax and take in the busy bustle surrounding me. There is a great deal of hubbub through which my navigator drives me, for I am in a dynamic major U.S. airport being propelled amongst the multitudes towards my departure gate. This is a new experience since I used to be upright in those hordes as I maneuvered through them.

No longer do I need to concentrate on where I’m going or how to dodge others. I can observe differently now. From this fresh perspective I see great focused intensity as people concentrate on gate destinations. I witness joy and sadness of arrivals and departures. I observe indifference to me as well as consideration for me. There is a fleeting “instant-of-fun” as a laughing family pushes a wheel-chaired loved one towards me in a “wheelchair chicken” game. That is certainly different! They turn away, and somehow bodies keep separating in front of me much like the Red Sea must have parted for Moses.

It is unique, this experience, this view from a wheelchair. I am more a part of a crowd than I ever have been. I have a sensation of being “in the belly of the beast” as opposed to being separate. People ebb and flow and surround me, and the impression is of moving through one enormous living entity that vacillates around me as well as buoys my passing. With no control over my passage, I surrender to the surreal situation and thoroughly enjoy and appreciate the circumstance.

There is a heightened awareness of human diversity that develops during this zig-zagging journey. From my wheelchair viewpoint I am freer to consider the myriad multiplicity of people than when walking. Numerous individuals sensing the world via their own filters keenly impress me as I observe the variety of folk in their diversity of dress. Each forms his/her reality from his/her perception. Once again I am struck that perception is reality, and reality is perception. Each of us discerns the world through our singular experiences of it. And I am being thrust through this throng like an icebreaker breaching sea ice. This passing through is a bit of a ballet, an improvised choreographed exchange between wheelchair and humans. It is an uncommon experience to appreciate.

Yes, my view from a wheelchair was unique. Henceforth, when I fly, I will need to be among “special needs” passengers and request wheelchair service. Initially, I was averse to asking for such service because I felt I was not “handicapped enough,” nor did I want to “intrude” upon those who may be. However, traversing major airports and struggling through masses and Security are issues now met better through wheelchair service. I experienced kindness, caring, and even fun while in my wheelchair. I saw a different view – a view from a wheelchair.

“Active Resting vs Passive Resting”

Recently I had eye surgery. Among the surgeon’s post-op instructions was the directive to engage in “Resting Activity” for two days. A friend asked me to explain the difference between “Active Resting” and “Passive Resting.” I would like to share my tongue-in-cheek answer for the rest of The Unenlightened who wish to know.

Not many people consider the distinction between Active Resting and Passive Resting. It’s good to pass along that information for the general purveyance of such knowledge. First of all, Active Resting involves a lot of twitching – also reaching, squirming, wriggling, writhing, fumbling, and fidgeting. Perpetual adjustments of one’s recliner is a hallmark of Active Resting. Examples would be changing one’s recliner to the sitting position, fumbling in a Holding Basket by one’s feet for a light blanket, spreading the blanket around one’s feet, and returning the recliner to a more reclining position while attempting to adjust the pillows under one’s feet and the blanket at the same time. Then deciding one doesn’t want the blanket after all, so one reverses the process.

Another example would be taking one’s Lasix and continuing to fidget with the pillows between popups to the toilet or a handy urinal or bedpan, depending upon the restor’s gender. One must be careful with portable toiletries in Active Resting, however, since half-filled urinals or bedpans could conceivably be overturned when one is fumbling for a light blanket in the Holding Basket, thereby rendering the blanket unusable as well as compromising the basket’s woven straw integrity. Some medical professionals recommend medical marijuana for active restors, which might not be a bad idea since a knocked over half-full urinal would merely be an object to ponder upon instead of a calamity for the marijuana-infused restor.

Active Resting shares similar motor movements with babies in cribs. Passive Resting, on the other hand, shares a similar symptom with passive-aggressive behavior. One indicator of passive-aggressive behavior is procrastination. In Passive Resting, the behavior is not exactly procrastination; instead, it is what many resting experts call “Lazy Martyrdom.”

The symptom especially surfaces when one has a caregiver. Although Passive Resting correctly does not exhibit the symptoms of Active Resting since passive restors rest still…(another name for Passive Resting, by the way, is “Still Resting.” The name fell out of favor during Prohibition days, however, and never really regained its popularity since stills, by and large, are things of the past. A little known historic irony is that Elliot Ness was an Active Restor whose business was destroying stills, rather a paradox.)…a passive restor might whine a bit to his/her caregiver that he/she really needs an ice pack/Tylenol/book to read/cup of coffee/blanket from the Holding Basket/urinal…whatever…and ask the caregiver to please fetch the item because the passive restor just can’t move because it hurts/gurgles/is sore/will become dislodged again…whatever.

The optimal resting protocol is a blend of Active and Passive Resting where the restor does stay still without too much twitching but does pop up and walk to the bathroom when the Lasix kicks in. Portable urinals or bedpans in Holding Baskets are opposed by the majority of Resting Experts and are highly discouraged for both Active and Passive Restors.

So there you have it. The “popular phrase” is “so there you have it in a nutshell.” However, in Resting Expert Circles the phrase is “so there you have it in a recliner.” Some scattered rural resting experts also use the phrase, “so there you have it in a basket” or “in a pot.” I hope this has enlightened the reader as to the nuances of resting.

An addendum is that both Active and Passive Resting can be accomplished in bed; however, the best active resting is done in a recliner that can be constantly adjusted, especially an electric recliner. The concern with those, though, is when the power suddenly goes off and the restor is stuck halfway between resting down and sitting up in what is known in the Resting Industry as the “Bent Straw” position. Such an occurrence and position is especially distressing when the restor was beginning the process of reaching for the portable urinal in the Holding Basket.

“Through Santa’s Eyes”

It started in the late 1960s. It began as a lark, an escapade, an adventure – almost, one could say, as a frolic. I was living in Charlotte, NC, and I was jobless. Oh, I was “self-employed” in the sense I peddled my handmade macramé belts, headbands, flower-pot hangers, and handbags out of a baby carriage. Those were my “hippie days,” garbed in the obligatory tie-dyed shirt, bell-bottomed pants, and headband, hawking my wares as I pushed the colorfully string-festooned, macramé-draped carriage along sidewalks. Requisite shoulder-length hair and a full beard completed my “freak” look, as we often called ourselves then. Memories, anyone?

I thought, “I could be a Santa with my full beard and long hair.” Those were the days when real-bearded Santas were rare, so perhaps – just perhaps – I might have a chance in securing a Santa gig for the season. The only trouble was that my hair and beard were red. “Oh, no problem,” thought I. “I could bleach them white. I’ll approach the manager of a downtown department store and convince him he needs me as Santa.”

Dressed as conservatively as possible, I did just that. As I recall, the Bon Marche was the prestigious department store in Charlotte. I sought out the manager, explained the store needed a real-bearded Santa, and told him I would bleach my hair white if the store would furnish the Santa suit. The manager hired me, itself a “Christmas miracle,” as I look back upon it. The manager of an upscale, name-brand department store hiring a hippie off the street who said he would bleach his beard so the store could have a real-bearded Santa? Unheard of! But…it happened!

 With help from friends I “home-bleached” my hair and beard, and, unbeknownst to me at the time, I began a “career”, a “career” that lasted roughly 40 years, featuring numerous bleachings. “Department store and mall gigs” gave way to “town Santas” as I personified him for Port Townsend and Bothell, WA as well as for Melbourne, FL. As professional entertainers, my wife and I portrayed the Yuletide Characters for years in numerous venues as we presented our special Christmas Show. I wore my last Santa suit in 2010.

The first few years as a “mall Santa” remained as the escapade in which they began – a light-hearted lark. That changed the day a driver had a medical emergency event and drove his car through plate glass windows of a mall into a group of school children who had just finished visiting Santa on the second floor and were walking on the first floor to re-board their school bus. I heard the boom, the clatter of glass crashing, and the screams of adults and children. I suppose I could have remained on the “Santa set” without blame. However, in that instant, the thought that “I am Santa. Santa comforts. Those kids need Santa now,” hit me like an epiphany. I rose from my “throne,” rode down the escalator, and walked into a horrendous spectacle of hysterical children, some lying injured, some standing in shocked sobbing, all horror-struck. About the only thing I remember is kneeling, holding children, soothing them, telling them it will be all right, and hearing “thank yous” from adults. It was as if the Spirit of Santa called; I heard and answered, not knowing what I would do or say when I came upon that scene. It didn’t matter. “Santa” was there, and “Santa” brought the needed comfort to traumatized children. “Santa” knew what to say. I didn’t.

From that moment forward, the portrayal of Santa transformed from a trivial escapade into a serious purpose – from a superficial adventure into a meaningful mission. I felt the “seriousness of Santa’s Spirit,” for how could Santa comfort frightened, hurting young ones whose safe world had shattered in shards of glass from a vehicle exploding through mall windows by coming upon them with jolly “Ho, Ho, Hos?” How indeed? No, Santa has a profoundly deep empathetic, loving, soothing, quiet side to his merry joviality and jolliness – a side I found in that very moment. Perhaps it is more appropriate to say it found me.

As the years passed, I and “Santa’s Spirit” became more intimately acquainted. I began to “see through Santa’s eyes.” I saw – I understood – an unfathomable, unconditional acceptance of every person as an equal member within the family of humanity. I recognized a basic goodness within each of us. Sadly, I also saw an unwittingly misguided ignorance which utilizes Santa as a stern controller who “rewards good children” and “punishes naughty ones.” I witnessed a mother staring out a store window so anxious her husband would find a parking spot she completely missed behind her the remarkably beautiful experience her daughter was having with Santa and Mrs. Claus. Through Santa’s eyes I saw the world’s angst embodied in that woman, an anxiety blind to beauty in all its forms. I watched unaware parents commit unconscious abuse as they forced panicked, terrified toddlers upon Santa in order to get “a cute photo the family will laugh about for years to come.”

In awe I also saw the absolute, innocent, deep-seated wonder in children’s eyes as they marveled at the incredible pageantry and colors of the Christmas Season. Through Santa’s eyes I beheld the joy, cheer, gladness, and optimism this annual Celebration of Light imparts to our human family in the midst of a wintery, cold, dark world. I observed renewed gentleness, respect, and goodwill in which we interact with each other, for it is in this Season of Renewal that we, once again, “see each other through Santa’s eyes” if we only take the time to look. Through Santa’s eyes I saw rekindled hopes, dreams, and promises of a kinder, gentler, caring humanity. This Season invites us all to look through Santa’s eyes to see – and be – the same.

Will I ever “see through Santa’s eyes” again? I would not have to bleach my hair or beard now. That suit I wore last in 2010 still hangs in my closet, the boots tucked underneath the robe. I’ve seen extraordinary sights through Santa’s eyes: an elderly man on the back edge of a large mall crowd saluting me on my “throne,” institutionalized troubled teens hugging each other after a Santa visit, jaded adults weeping as, somehow, childhood Christmas hurts were healed, and a distressed group of school children devastated by a car shattering a plate glass window.

Through Santa’s eyes I’ve seen hurting and happiness, depression and delight, anguish and awe. Most of all I’ve seen benevolence, generosity, kindness, and genuine appreciation for others. I’ve seen the good. It’s there for all to see if we but look through Santa’s eyes. Once we have, how can we not continue to do so?