The necessary pain of letting go...

The Bigger Picture

During these unprecedented times of COVID 19, for a while at least, the whole world appeared to come to a standstill. And then the cogs of the world trade began to turn, albeit slowly, grinding back to life. We can argue when and how this present movement can escalate to the previous momentum (or even whether!); but there’s no debate over the pain the world is having to endure now.

Recovery is slow and tentative, and comes laden with revenues dropping across sectors, many companies going bankrupt, people losing jobs, others having to face reduction in their earnings… indeed, we are not out of the woods yet, and it seems to be a long trudge ahead through troubling times.

Recently some reputed business consulting and management research companies went about tracking leadership perspectives over the way forward, new practices, new demands and potential solutions for return to business health. There is no right or wrong answer, and the new awareness of the interconnectedness and inter-dependence of business ecosystems, and people, everywhere is heartening to see. Though, each company, industry and sector in different parts of the world will deal with it differently – each business reality is different and so are the decisions revolving around it. However, in this scheme of things, let’s dive through layers of meta-thinking and zoom to the primary asset of every employer – the employee.

The Particular Reality

On the one hand, there is the critical issue of business and industry morale on the whole, and on the other, the critical management of the employee motivation and psychological health in these chaotic times. Let me draw from real life as it is happening around us.

When a certain company had to lay off employees, an employee, who was a good or even high performer, told the HR person, “If my name is on the ‘list’, please let me know in advance.” Stories emerged in my HR community network about others with a cynical bent of mind who left cursing the employer. Some others even accused their seniors of conspiring to get them removed – this was heard: “I knew my name might be there, because I always spotted mistakes in the financial controller’s files, which would always get him into trouble, so they must have selected my name.”

The most common refrain is the shock and pain the employee felt for the ‘treatment’ they received despite years/ decades of loyalty and contribution. As HR people we are the most direct professional witness to the emotions people go through in this scenario. We fully understand what it feels like. Letting go staff is a most painful episode in HR work, and no one wants that to happen. But, due to compelling business reasons, they do. It is a painful reality of business and markets and economies. Which is why I felt compelled to offer a perspective that may not soothe pain, but could heal the wound.

It is true indeed that we ‘give’ a lot to the organizations we work for – time, energy, the best of our skills and intellect – and undeniably, this flow of commitment carries a lot of emotions with it. We put down our roots when we join, so to speak, and we grow through the years, and we become a part of the company’s structure and network. We identify with our roles and hierarchies so closely that our ego becomes bonded with it. And then, without even noticing it, we become emotionally dependent on it, our inner equilibrium swinging between positive and negative associations. If we reflect on our emotional graph through-out a given professional year in the company, we can see the highs and lows, the crests and troughs as well as the extremes and the hard-fought efforts to come back to balance. Eventually, we become office bullies, trying to assert our value to company, or hangers-on, refusing to leave even though we have worn out our utility or welcome.

The Context Is Not The Reality

No wonder, to be reminded of the reality of being a cog in the company’s business actually offends and upsets most people. This identification with the company is laced strongly with expectations subtle and plain, real and imaginary. Quid pro quo, but falling easy prey to very unrealistic expectations. RoC (return on commitment). Loyalty for promotion, higher pay, assured employment… we take all this for granted. We feel we deserve it, and it is our right, and that we have earned it. The company owes it to us.

It does not. The fact of the matter is, a job – which is easily forgotten – is a “Legal Employment Contract”. We are a small cog in the big wheel. No organization is obligated to ensure employment beyond reasonable, mutually agreed deliverables and consistency. In fact it deals with far bigger risks and uncertainties routinely than we could ever do in our individual capacities.

In business and in life, the past does not ensure the future, however desired. It is healthy to get rid of this bias - I have served the company for many years, the company owes it to me to keep me in the job. We are free to explore the market and seek alternative employment as and when we please, and the ‘job’ offered by the company gives us that independence. The company retains the same right for itself.

Revealing the nature of enlightened action, my own Guru, H. H. Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi, the revered founder of Sahaja Yoga, says, “One should be in balance by endeavoring to work through detachment. It may be a matter of duty, because she / he enjoys his own virtue.” I feel, in the first place - Why do you do so much? There is no need. If you are doing it, then you just do the work without any expectations in return – Just doing and enjoying should be the way it should be.

Doesn’t loyalty matter?

Of course, it matters. But there are limits and boundaries to this expectation. An employee stays longer in an organization not just because he is loyal. He stays because he likes what he is doing, he likes the pay and perks, he keeps receiving growth, or he is not willing to face change out in the market, or he is too comfortable in his role here. But linking loyalty to expectations of return beyond your commercial contract is being unrealistic. Especially when people routinely threaten to leave with an eye on getting a raise or promotion.

In mid-level days of my career, I recall a high performing employee quitting the job due to some internal ego clashes. He moved on thinking that it was easy to get a desired job elsewhere. Unfortunately, while leaving the organization, he also bad-mouthed the employer as his ego was flying very high. He did have an alternate option to join immediately. Unfortunately he could not settle into the culture of the place he joined; he discovered quickly that he was a misfit and quit his job soon. It was a bad career move; it took him nearly nine very long, frustrating months to get back into a job as good as the one he had left in a huff. He had believed he was doing a superb job and thought he could get away with a rash attitude. My employer was not willing to take him back, as he had put a major project as risk by leaving abruptly, besides bad mouthing the company. One has to realize – no one is indispensable. Life moves on, so should we.

For all the talk of loyalty, it is better to be loyal to values and ideals. And to people, when they consistently stand by them in all times. In the context of a company, we can admire and join in their way of doing business and treating people, and how their leaders behave in difficult situations. As long as we work for them, we do our honest best. When the context of value-exchange changes, we have to part and it is only natural, even if a little painful.

I look at it this way: I admired a particular company’s values and history, and joined to learn and give what I could. In time, my context changed and I left for better self-expression. Yet today, I continue to cherish, from afar, certain values the company continues to live.

In the big picture of life, one’s intrinsic value (beliefs, learning, self-development) needs to be constant, and one’s extrinsic value (the skills, jobs, achievements) needs to change. We are admired for our intrinsic value, and paid for the extrinsic value. The same applies to any company. It is celebrated for its principles, but if it offers me a job, a lot depends on how it all translates into an attractive contextual proposition for employment.

Values endure and cannot be priced, contexts are transactional and can change.

It is very clearly stated in Bhagvad Gita: “He who accepts everything as it comes, transcending all dualities, even minded in success and failure, free from jealousy, doing work as a sacrifice, though engaged in action, he is not bound.”

The joy of work, creative contribution to serving others, earning ethical pay, being detached from undue desires and expectations, being free to pursue what is sublime and meaningful in the big picture of life… What wonderful hints that come into fantastic relief in these times!

When things do not work out the way we want to, there is frustration. However, if there is no “us”, there is no “our way”. If the situation calls for a certain action, then perform it. Without worrying about its success or failure. A success is in relation to someone who succeeds or fails. It is the ego identified as the doer which feels success or failure. I think it is better to surf and enjoy the waves of context, and be firmly rooted in reality.

Be Prepared

When a company goes bankrupt, what do you do? Instead of moaning, whining, cribbing or becoming cynical, it is best to explore progressive options, stay focused and build things from scratch. If a person has the necessary potential, there is nothing to fear about the future.

Of course, with one not having a job, it is bound to result in insecurities, especially if you have not planned your finances well. These insecurities creep in, because we choose to have a life obligating ourselves into loans to meet material expectations that we set for ourselves. All these fears / insecurities only lead towards poor health for one self.

I found that it is better to plan the financials so well that the dependency of having a job is ruled out. At least, to tide over when a job crisis hits. I suggest that a 20% of your earnings be set aside. Take it off the top of your income. The money is not to be used for day-to day things. It is to be saved and only saved for rainy days. Even if you start out with small amounts, start putting money away. It’s amazing to see how fast it adds up. Duty to your-self is an act of self-love and helps to create self-worth. It’s amazing to see how this experience brings more good in your life.

In all of this, I agree with what late Dr. Kalam said – “Love your job and not your company”.?When you love the job, passion comes into play; with passion in the job, you will do well automatically since you will benchmark yourself to do better each time. Studies have shown that people who are able to pursue their passions at work experience flow, a euphoric state of mind that is five times more productive than the norm.

We must have the will power to leap away whatever be the stakes, be it the parting with a friend or money or a job, heads held high, with faith in oneself and goodwill flowing.