Navigating your own Autistic Meltdowns as a mom: Recognizing, Coping, and Recovering with Self-Compassion

For late-realized, high-achieving moms on the autism spectrum, the journey of self-discovery often brings with it a newfound understanding of the complexities of sensory processing and the potential for adult autistic meltdowns. As high-maskers adept at camouflaging our neurodivergent traits, it's easy to overlook the signs of impending sensory overload until it's too late. But we can navigate these challenging moments with resilience and grace by learning to recognize the rumblings of a meltdown, developing coping strategies, and embracing self-compassion in the aftermath.

Recognizing the Rumblings: Understanding Sensory Overload

For many autistic moms, sensory overload can trigger a cascade of overwhelming emotions and physical sensations, leading to what is commonly known as a meltdown (or, for some, a shutdown). These meltdowns may manifest differently from person to person but are often characterized by intense feelings of frustration, anxiety, or anger, and rage accompanied by a loss of control.

As late-realized, high-achieving moms, we may be skilled at pushing through discomfort and ignoring our body's signals until they reach a tipping point. But it's essential to tune into our sensory experiences and recognize the early warning signs of overload. These are known as "rumblings." This may include heightened sensitivity to noise, light, or touch, feelings of agitation or restlessness, or a sense of being overwhelmed by our surroundings. You may also notice a lack of basic self-care, not feeding, watering yourself, or feeling stuck in a loop doing an activity and unable to redirect your attention or change tasks.

Coping Strategies: What to Do When a Meltdown is Unavoidable

Despite our best efforts to manage sensory input and prevent meltdowns, there are times when overload becomes unavoidable. In these moments, it's crucial to have coping strategies in place to help us navigate the storm with as much resilience as possible.

One effective strategy is to remove ourselves from the triggering environment and find a quiet, calming space where we can decompress and regain our composure. But, as moms, this can be almost impossible if we lack the support to step away from our children or overwhelming environments where we are the primary caregivers for minors. This might mean retreating to a dimly lit room, putting on noise-canceling headphones, engaging in deep breathing exercises, or practicing deep sighs to regulate our nervous system.

Additionally, practicing self-compassion is essential during and, most importantly, after a meltdown.

Instead of berating ourselves for losing control, we can remind ourselves that meltdowns are a natural response to overwhelming sensory input and are not a sign of weakness or failure.

By offering ourselves kindness and understanding, we can alleviate some of the shame and guilt that often accompany meltdowns.

Talking to any family members or other loved ones who witness your meltdowns is also important. Debriefing sessions help your loved ones understand they did not cause you to lose control. Children are susceptible to internalizing any very emotional events as their fault, so make it a point to explain to your child/children that they did not cause the meltdown in any way, explain why it happened, and explain that they are safe. You will always love them, and it's not their fault.

Recovery and Self-Care: Nurturing Body and Mind

After a meltdown, it's essential to prioritize physical recovery and self-care to replenish our energy reserves and restore balance to our nervous system. This might involve engaging in activities that soothe our senses, such as taking a warm bath, cuddling with a soft blanket or plushy, listening to calming music, walking in nature, or grounding at the beach or on the earth.

Self-compassion plays a crucial role in the recovery process as we learn to forgive ourselves for the meltdown and treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer to a friend in need. This might involve practicing grounding exercises, journaling about our emotions, or seeking support from a therapist or support group.

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As late-realized autistic, high-achieving moms, navigating adult autistic meltdowns can be challenging, but it's also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. By learning to recognize the rumblings of overload, developing coping strategies, and embracing self-compassion in the aftermath, we can navigate these challenging moments with resilience and grace, nurturing our body and mind along the way.