Navigating your emotions

Navigating your emotions

When Sian arrived at my door, she was exhausted, on edge, unhappy, consumed by anxiety and desperate for change.??She was so busy running away for the emotions that threatened to consume her, she was living in one area, shopping elsewhere and attending exercise classes in a few different places all so that she could drown out the negative emotions, thoughts and self talk.??She described herself and her life as ‘chaotic’.

In our discovery meeting I introduce clients to their emotional vessel and just for a minute they can breathe, as the realisation hits about how full their emotional vessel is.

What is the emotional vessel?

Do you remember a time in your life when your heart was broken? Maybe a friend let you down, a partner walked out, a family member broke your trust,??a situation that happened or didn’t happen, a job you did or did or did not get.??Left with powerful emotions, you gracefully suppress them and move on.

I’m sure you have plenty of stories from your past where you were left with powerful emotions.??If you were lucky enough to be taught the art of emotional processing, expressing and releasing, your emotional has been a safe space.??But for those of us who were taught to avoid emotions loke the plague, at some point those emotions we have been stuffing down for many years come back to haunt us.

Society does not encourage emotional sharing, there are clearly defined parameters and social cues that tell us to stop talking about our emotions, whether subtle or direct, we stop talking about our emotions.??Our emotions have to go somewhere, the emotional vessel is the space in your body where you stuff and store those unexpressed emotions from all of the things you have been through that left you with powerful emotions.?

You can get away with suppression for many years without too many consequences, a few leaks occasionally but on the whole, it’s ok.??

The problem is that your emotional vessel has a limited capacity and will eventually become full, this is when you start to feel and see the consequences.??A full emotional vessel is when anxiety and depression are at their worst, you feel overwhelmed, stressed and your mind is on overload, constant intrusive thoughts and negative self talk, it’s exhausting, all consuming and overwhelming, reducing your capacity to cope.

The rollercoaster

Have you ever had a volcano moment???

A moment where one small thing happens and you blow your top, overreacting but you just can’t stop until you feel a point of relief and you can breathe again and you created a small space in your emotional vessel. But because of your overreaction you feel guilty and it starts to fill back up very quickly, depending on how bad things are this can happen hourly, daily, weekly, or monthly.??Other people withdraw from friends and family until they feel able to cope again but the roller coaster of feeling better, worse, better worse goes on,

When your emotional vessel is full, your body and mind want to help, they are really clever, they know that stress is coming tomorrow and know that you need some more capacity to cope so they help you empty enough to face the next lot of stress.??This comes in many various forms of behaviours that help you cope and survive those mentally and emotionally challenging days. (visit this link for more information on behaviours?https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/top-six-survival-mechanisms-when-overwhelmed-hayley-t-wheeler- )

Stopping the rollercoaster

The emotional vessel helped me understand why I felt the way I felt when I was in my darkest place, why I was depressed and why I felt so stuck, my emotional vessel was full.??Learning to process, express and release the emotions stuck in my emotional vessel was enlightening.??I had been afraid of my emotions, doing all I could to suppress??them all of my life and having to be honest with myself about them was scary, but I had to stop the roller coaster, and now I am so glad I learnt the art of processing, expressing and releasing my emotions.

Processing emotions is a skill to learn, it is a conscious choice to become aware of your emotions, emotional memories, emotional state and emotional reactions.

Processing emotions starts with emotional honesty and allowing yourself to wholly experience emotions. There are eight steps to emotional processing

1.?????Acknowledge how you feel and the impact of how your feel

1. Identify the emotions that are in your emotional vessel from past life experiences and are overwhelming you
2. Feel the physical, mental and emotional impact of the emotions you are experiencing
3. Choose how to express your emotions behaviourally
4. Express your emotions in a positive and effective manner
5. Release the emotions that are keeping you stuck
6. Pledge or a promise to yourself??about what you are going to do to look after yourself in the future
7. Gratitude practice to remind yourself of all the things that are good in your life, that make you smile, have taught you things.

Expressing emotions, when it is a choice, is a healthy way of communicating, however, when emotionally fuelled, it is often negative. Communicating your emotions in a healthy way is beneficial, although when done when in emotional turmoil in the moment, it often ahs negative implications, more of a rant than expressing.??It is a more effective as a long term emotional management strategy, when you learn to communicate them

Emotional releasing is about truly communicating the emotional impact of your life experiences and letting them go and replacing them with new emotions and new intentions Example

1.?????I am feeling overwhelmed and I am impatient with my children, resentful towards my partner and I am feeling lost.

2.?????Past feelings frustrated, hurt, heartbroken, sad, frustrated

Current: disempowered, angry, stuck, empty, numb,?

3.?????I have frequent headaches, stomach pains, bad back, low in energy, tired

4.?????I want to remove myself from the situation before my impatience comes out and I realise my partner doesn’t know how to help me, I don’t know how to help myself

5.?????When my partner tells me to go and get help, I get angry and frustrated that I need the help, I feel resentful that he doesn’t know how this feels and I can’t seem to help my self.

6.?????I am letting go of feeling overwhelmed, irritable, frustrated, hurt, heartbroken, sad, resentful, disempowered, angry, stuck, empty and numb, and choose to be happy, enjoy my children and partner, I choose empowerment, insight and love.

7.?????I promise that I will write a daily journal to continue to express my emotions and keep track of my emotional state

8.?????I am grateful for my family, for my dogs, walks on the beach, nature, my home, my friends, my family.

This work is an extraction from the EmotionMind Dynamic programme find out more here?https://www.emotionminddynamic.co.uk/emotionmind-dynamic-programme/