Navigating the Workplace After Bereavement: My Journey and Lessons for Employers and Colleagues

Content Warning: Death, death by suicide, grief and bereavement.

Introduction

Grief is fragile and unpredictable; it doesn’t wait until you feel strong enough to face the world again. Work emails pile up, meetings continue, and at some point, you’re expected to walk back through the door as if everything is the same. Or at least that’s how it can feel.?

But how do you return to work when grief has quietly rewritten everything you once knew?

I’ve been through this a few times, and each experience has been different. When my mum died suddenly from a heart attack, there was no warning, no preparation. I had travelled home for Easter, expecting to visit her in hospital for what was thought to be a nosebleed. Instead, I was taken into a family room, where I was told she was gone. I was 26. This was 2012. In the days that followed, I convinced myself that returning to work would help; that keeping busy would keep the grief at bay. And for a while, I guess it did.

Then, 20 months later, I lost my dad to suicide. This time, work wasn’t an escape. The weight of grief felt heavier; the exhaustion more overwhelming. I showed up, but I wasn’t really there. My leadership suffered, my patience ran thin, and eventually, I was called into a meeting to address complaints about my management style. But nowhere in that conversation was grief acknowledged. I wasn’t struggling because I was unfit to lead; I was struggling because I was grieving.

And now, grief has found me again. Another loss, another return to work, another realisation that grief isn’t a single experience; it’s deeply personal, different every time, and impossible to package into a neat, manageable timeframe. But one thing remains constant: how a workplace responds to a grieving employee will be remembered for a lifetime.

Your organisation has a choice. It can be remembered as the place that provided support, understanding, and flexibility - or as the one that followed rigid policies, adding unnecessary challenges to an already difficult time. The decision matters, because for those of us who have lived through it, workplace responses to grief stay with us long after we’ve settled back into our roles.

My Experience: Grief in the Workplace

Initial Challenges: The Illusion of Coping

Returning to work after my mum’s death felt like walking into a world that no longer made sense. Everything was the same—emails, meetings, deadlines—but I wasn’t. I was exhausted, distracted, constantly on the verge of breaking down. But, I convinced myself that staying busy was the best way to cope. Looking back, I’m not sure if I was coping or just running. I didn’t stop to process, didn’t give myself space to grieve; I just kept moving.

And then, before I had the chance to fully absorb that loss, my dad was gone too. A sudden loss to suicide. This time, the weight of grief was unbearable. The same tactics that had helped me “manage” after my mum’s death; keeping busy, throwing myself into work, failed me completely. I was detached, struggling to concentrate, impatient with my team. My performance slipped, and people noticed. My team raised concerns about my leadership, and it was addressed formally. But grief wasn’t part of that conversation.

This is the reality many grieving employees face. Workplaces often expect us to return as if grief can be left at the door, but that’s not how it works. Research from Marie Curie (2021) highlights that grief significantly affects cognitive function, including memory, concentration, and decision-making. Expecting employees to perform at their usual level without adjustments is both unrealistic and harmful. The assumption that productivity should immediately return to normal after a short period of leave is flawed—and in many cases, damaging to both the individual and the organisation.

The Importance of Support: Small Actions, Big Impact

In those first few days, weeks, even months back at work, colleagues have the power to either lighten the load or make it even heavier. And often, it’s not the grand gestures that matter most, it’s the small, thoughtful moments that remind you you’re not alone.In those first few weeks back at work, a colleague quietly took over a task I was struggling with. My manager gave me the option to leave early when I needed to. Someone made me a cup of tea and simply said, No pressure, but I’m here if you want to talk. These weren’t grand policies or formal processes; they were small acts of kindness that told me I wasn’t alone.

According to Harvard Business Review (2021), grieving employees benefit most from workplaces that balance professional expectations with genuine human connection. A simple check-in; How are you today? rather than How are you? This acknowledges that grief isn’t linear and that some days will be harder than others. When employers and colleagues normalise these conversations, they create an environment where people feel safe being honest about their struggles.

Grief’s Persistence: Why Long-Term Support Matters

One of the biggest misconceptions about grief is that it fades within a set timeframe. The Widows’ Handbook (2022) shares accounts from people who returned to work expecting to feel better after a few months, only to find that grief resurfaced in waves; triggered by anniversaries, unexpected reminders, or simply exhaustion. This aligns with my own experience; years later, I still have moments when a song, a smell, or a casual comment brings everything rushing back.

For organisations, this means support shouldn’t be limited to the initial return-to-work phase. Inclusive Employers (2023) recommends ongoing flexibility, such as allowing employees to take mental health days or adjust workloads during particularly difficult times. A workplace that understands this isn’t just a “good employer” it’s a place where people feel valued beyond their productivity.

The Role of Colleagues

Empathy and Understanding: The Power of Presence

Grief is isolating. Often, colleagues don’t know what to say, so they say nothing at all. Others, with good intentions, offer platitudes like Time heals or At least they’re in a better place, which can feel dismissive. The most meaningful support often comes in quiet, thoughtful moments; simply acknowledging someone’s loss without trying to “fix” it.

One of the most supportive things a colleague ever did for me was offer to handle a difficult meeting on my behalf, recognising that I wasn’t in the right headspace. It wasn’t a grand gesture, but it was exactly what I needed that day. Sue Ryder (n.d.) stresses that practical help; offering to cover tasks, checking in without pressure, or just sitting in quiet solidarity can make a grieving colleague’s return to work significantly easier.

Avoiding Assumptions: Asking the Right Questions

Some days, a grieving colleague may seem fine; others, they might struggle with basic tasks. Inclusive Employers (2023) suggests avoiding assumptions and instead using open-ended, low-pressure questions like:

• How are you feeling about work today?
• Would it help if I handled [specific task] for you?
• Is there anything that would make things easier for you this week?

These questions allow grieving employees to express their needs without feeling forced to perform too much emotional labour.

Creating a Supportive Culture: Making Grief Visible

A workplace that acknowledges grief; rather than expecting employees to suppress it, is a workplace where people feel genuinely supported. Marie Curie (2021) recommends normalising conversations about loss, offering bereavement awareness training for managers, and ensuring policies reflect the realities of grief. Employees shouldn’t feel like they have to choose between their grief and their career.

How Will You Be Remembered?

Grief lingers, shifts, and resurfaces over time. A workplace that truly understands this isn’t just offering a benefit; it’s shaping how employees remember their time there for years to come.

Every organisation has a choice. You can be the employer that supported, listened, and adapted. Or you can be the one that followed rigid policies, failing to see the person behind the role. And that choice? It won’t be forgotten.

References

• Harvard Business Review. (2021). Your Colleague Is Grieving. How Can You Help? Harvard Business Review.
• Inclusive Employers. (2023). A Guide to Grief Support in the Workplace. Inclusive Employers.
• Marie Curie. (2021). Respecting and Supporting Grief at Work. Marie Curie.
• Sue Ryder. (n.d.). Returning to Work After Bereavement. Sue Ryder.

The Widows' Handbook. (2022). Widows’ Stories: Going Back to Work After Bereavement. The Widows’ Handbook.