Navigating Toxic Work Peers: Strategies for Dealing with the Resigned, the Snippy, and the Exaggerator

When working with people, we are commonly prone to working with difficult colleagues. Whether it's the peer who seems constantly disengaged, the one whose remarks are overly sharp, or the one who exaggerates every issue, these behaviors can impact team morale and productivity. However, understanding the reasons behind these behaviors and how to approach them can transform these interactions into opportunities for positive change.

"No one wants to be the "villain" in their own story." I use this often to illustrate the point that people often fail to realize the impact of their behavior on others. When toxic behaviors manifest, they are typically a stress response to an unmet need. The good news is that with a curious eye and thoughtful approach, we can influence the behavior of these folks and get them back to contributing to the goal. Try these practical strategies to help you manage these situations, improve communication, and motivate your peers to take constructive action.

The Resigned Colleague

This colleague often appears disengaged, unmotivated, or indifferent. They might sigh during meetings, seem unenthusiastic, or express doubts like, “This won’t work anyway.” If left unaddressed, their behavior can bring down the energy of the entire team.

What’s Going On?

This behavior may be a stress reaction. People can disengage when they feel unheard, undervalued, or stuck in a role that doesn't align with their goals. Such peers may be struggling with a lack of recognition or a sense of achievement, which leads to their passive stance.

How to Engage Them:

Ask Open-Ended Questions: Try questions like, “What’s the biggest challenge you’re seeing with this project?” or “How do you think we could approach this differently?” This shows you value their perspective and gives them space to voice their concerns.

Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their perspective without judgment. Statements like, “It seems like you’re feeling frustrated” can create an opportunity for them to open up and share more.

Motivate by Offering Control: Offer them a chance to influence outcomes. Frame their contributions as essential to the team’s success: “Your experience in X could really help us solve this problem. How would you approach it?”

By validating their feelings and showing that their input matters, you can encourage the resigned colleague to become more engaged and proactive.

The Snippy Colleague

This type of colleague is quick to criticize, often using sharp or passive-aggressive comments. Their feedback can feel overly harsh or dismissive, making interactions tense and uncomfortable. However, this behavior usually signals underlying stress or frustration.

What’s Happening?

This reaction often stems from feeling undervalued or insecure, leading them to become defensive or overly critical. When a colleague’s need for connection or recognition isn’t met, their communication can become snippy as a form of self-protection.

How to Defuse the Situation:

Acknowledge Their Emotion: Acknowledge what you sense in their tone. For example, say, “It feels like you’re frustrated by this situation?” This approach shows you’re open to understanding their point of view.

Ask Calibrated Questions: Shift the focus to problem-solving with questions like, “How can we ensure your concerns are addressed moving forward?” This encourages them to engage constructively and feel part of the solution.

Reaffirm Their Value: If their behavior stems from feeling unrecognized, remind them of their strengths: “I appreciate your attention to detail; it’s helped us catch issues early before. How would you approach this next step?”

By showing empathy and recognizing their contributions, you can transform critical behavior into constructive participation.

The Exaggerator

This colleague tends to blow issues out of proportion, turning minor challenges into crises. They may use dramatic language, anticipate worst-case scenarios, or escalate minor concerns unnecessarily. While this behavior can feel overwhelming, understanding its root causes is key.

What’s Driving This Behavior?

Exaggeration can be a way of coping when someone feels a lack of attention or control. Dramatic behavior is often a call for validation or reassurance, serving as a way for the individual to regain a sense of importance or support.

How to Ground the Exaggerator:

Practice Empathy: Respond calmly and show you understand their concerns. For instance, say, “It sounds like you’re worried about the impact this could have. Can you walk me through what you see as the biggest risk?” This signals that you take their concerns seriously and allows them to feel heard.

Reframe the Issue: Offer perspective by breaking the problem into manageable parts. “It’s true that this could be challenging, but what’s the first small step we could take to address it?”

Invite Them to Be Part of the Solution: Shift their focus from escalation to action by involving them in problem-solving. “Since you’re great at spotting potential issues early, how would you suggest we tackle this?” This approach redirects their energy toward productive action rather than amplifying concerns.

By addressing their need for attention or influence, you help them channel their energy into constructive action.

Navigating difficult behaviors in the workplace requires a blend of patience, empathy, and strategic communication. Rather than confronting colleagues directly, seek to understand the motivations behind their actions and guide the conversation toward a more positive and collaborative outcome. With these strategies, you can turn challenging interactions into opportunities for growth and teamwork.

The next time you encounter a colleague who appears disengaged, critical, or dramatic, apply these approaches to create more productive and positive work relationships.