Navigating the Tightrope: A Woman's Reflection on Neurodivergence

Writing this article serves as both introspection into the experiences of being a woman and the challenges of navigating neurodivergence, all while harboring dreams. As a child, grappling with gender stereotypes proved challenging. Dubbed a "tomboy," I straddled the line between my father's appreciation for my lack of girlishness and his expectations for me to conform to traditional gender roles. Comments ranged from innocuous advice like "girls need to cross their legs when they sit" to discouraging remarks about career choices based on my gender. "Even if you're strong enough to become a firefighter, do you really think they'll make you do the actual job? No they won't because you are a girl." He once told me. Reflecting on my father's behavior, I understand that his actions, although rooted in sexism, were driven by a protective instinct for his daughter.

And he wasn't alone to hope for women's rights all while continuing to harbor sexists thoughts...

I went to an all girls school. The nuns would often times remind us that we as women could achieve anything we wanted, but wouldn't shy away from sexist remarks of the such: "women should wear skirts and not pants." (Although our uniform permitted pants).

Simultaneously, while contending with societal expectations as a girl, I was also neuro-atypical, expected to mirror the behaviors of my neurotypical peers. Diagnosed with dyslexia, my only support was being advised to focus on one language, without any apparent special treatment in other aspects of my education. They knew I was different, yet I was evaluated on the same criteria and held to the same standard as my peers.

It's perplexing to reconcile being expected to act differently than male peers while, neurologically speaking, knowing your different but being expected to conform. It's odd to think... It seems like a doom if you doom if you don't scenario, if you ask me. And yet, here I am talking about it years later. The dichotomy creates a challenging scenario.

The under-diagnosis of females, non-binary individuals, and minorities, in general, presents a pervasive issue. I question whether a paradigm that expects different standards based on gender, ethnicity, and other differences, yet demands uniform behavior based on neurological differences, perpetuates this problem. This is particularly evident in testing and evaluations, often applying the same criteria regardless of individual differences.

The tightrope bias becomes relevant here: an assertive woman is labeled as "bossy," while an assertive man is hailed as a "boss." The metaphor encapsulates the limited range of acceptable behavior for those from non-dominant groups compared to the leeway granted to individuals from dominant groups.

In 2024, discussions around neurodiversity, inclusion and gender roles are still evolving. I had to rewrite this conclusion a couple of times. I also have to do a Mea culpa. Putting thought into this article, I also realized that although I'm quite an advocate, I've probably said or thought in a stereotyped way at some point. I obviously don't want to blame anyone on my actions, but it just goes to prove, how intrinsically societal, educative and family influences can have an impact on one. From skepticism of the future to hope, my emotions often change on the subject, but I wanted to leave it on a positive tone. I spoke earlier about wanting to be a firefighter and my dad's discouraging comments.

Today oddly, my partner is a firefighter and many of his colleagues are of female gender and I am totally happy to see that they didn't let sexism stop them. 20 years later stereotypes and stigma still exist, yet we are seeing a change and as slow as the process may be, it fills me with hope to see.

I see so many people advocate for a better more inclusive world, I'll name a few: Grant Harris, MBA, Certified Diversity Executive (CDE)? , Thomas Woodhams , Dave Thompson , Crystal Bowen , Tara Langan, B.Mgmt , Kevin W. , Pierre Escaich out there. If you take the time to read my articles and educate yourself in whichever way on the subject of diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI), and more specifically neurodiversity, you are also part of the change the world needs so much of so let me thank you too.