Navigating rumination

I laid there in my bed, in the darkness of the night. It was calm and soothing, yet once again, sleep eluded me. "I hope I didn't make her feel bad at supper," I thought to myself. "I hope I didn't say anything inappropriate. And what about that time as a kid when I made my friend sad... or that other time at my part-time job when I wasn't cool with a colleague?" The thoughts and questions poured down like rain, weighing on me like a ton of bricks. I often find myself questioning events from years ago, unable to let go, caught in long bouts of rumination.

A few examples of what my rumination may look like: the time I took a chance and got turned down by someone I looked up to, the mistake I made that lost a check, the awkward thing I said...

Neurodivergent individuals may be more prone to rumination. To define rumination would be to say that it involves continuously thinking about the same thoughts, over and over, typically on negative things. This tendency is particularly noted in conditions such as autism, ADHD, and various mood disorders.

And to be frank, it's not surprising. What people call hyperfocus—the intense ability to focus on one thing while disregarding others—contributes to rumination. Neurodivergent individuals can become fixated on thoughts and worries, their cognitive style fostering repetitive thinking patterns.

Emotional regulation also plays a role in the challenges of rumination. It's difficult to shift away from thoughts or feelings once they start, especially when processing emotions isn't straightforward. Talking about emotional regulation brings me to why we ruminate. Many factors contribute to feeling apart from others—we doubt ourselves, our behaviors, and our thoughts. Questions like "Why do I perceive this differently?" or "Am I the weird one?" or "What's wrong with me?" can occupy a lot of mental space, leading to rumination. To be frank, there often isn't a clear answer to these questions. We feel remorse for making others feel bad because we empathize with their pain, yet struggle with knowing how to address it, particularly as we are aware of our differences.

Conflicting feelings also make it less straightforward for us all but specifically for neuro-distinct individuals when it comes to rumination. It can be overwhelming to process and reconcile such conflicting feelings, often leading to prolonged rumination and difficulty in finding clarity or resolution.

For instance, consider a person with ADHD who has recently been promoted to a managerial position at work (a situation I've observed). On one hand, they feel proud and accomplished, excited about the new responsibilities and recognition. On the other hand, they feel anxious and uncertain, concerned that their colleague who didn't get the promotion might feel hurt. These conflicting feelings of pride and fear of causing harm can create a whirlwind of emotions, making it challenging for them to fully embrace their success and potentially leading to heightened anxiety.

People will tell me oftentimes: "Stop overthinking things." And it's probably good advice, but it's not that easy...

Rumination and heath

Ruminating poses serious risk factors for developing mood and anxiety disorders. It's also found to increase the risk of a range of chronic health problems, including cardiovascular disease. Some studies suggest that rumination is a symptom of anxiety and depression, while others propose that it can contribute to the development of these conditions. However, debating its classification isn't as critical as addressing its impact on daily life.

Don't get me wrong, I think ruminating can be healthy to some extent: it allows you to learn from mistakes and engage in introspection. However, when it begins to disrupt your quality of life and prevent you from being fully present in the moment, action is necessary.

How to Kick Rumination to the Curb?

Self-compassion: Also known as self-love and self-kindness, it's crucial to accept that you aren't perfect but you are more than enough. Making mistakes is a part of being human, and it doesn't diminish your worth.

Mindfulness: Notice when you're ruminating. Be mindful of your emotions and surroundings. Learn to manage intrusive thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. When I catch myself ruminating excessively, I actively take charge of my thoughts.

Prevent thoughts from spiraling: One of the best pieces of advice I received was from a friend who is a social worker. He suggested countering every negative thought with three positive ones. This practice gradually reshapes thought patterns, a technique that has proven effective for me.

Creating a positivity wall has been immensely helpful. Whenever something lingers in my mind, I find a positive quote, write it on a sticky note, and place it on my wall. This visual reminder serves as a constant source of encouragement.

Focus on what you can control: Humans often dwell on things beyond their control—past events or uncertain futures. Accepting that not everything is within our power is crucial. Wasting time trying to manage uncontrollable factors is counterproductive.

Distractions: When I feel myself ruminating, I redirect my focus by engaging in activities. Keeping busy—whether through learning a new hobby, assisting others, or exercising—has been effective in shifting my attention away from negative thoughts. These activities redirect my focus to more productive and fulfilling endeavors.

Rumination, while natural to some extent, can become overwhelming for neurodivergent individuals, and individuals in general. It can hinder personal growth, affect relationships, and even impact physical health over time which is why it's so important to address if it starts to impede your everyday life. By actively managing rumination, we can strive for a healthier balance of reflection and present-moment engagement, promoting well-being and resilience in our daily lives. I hope some of my tricks may have helped you and also I'd add don't hesitate to talk to someone about your rumination whether that's a friend, a relative or a professional.