Navigating Professional Disappointment

Disappointment and setbacks are hallmarks of any professional journey. Ultimately, these situations can be opportunities for strong learning, but it can be hard in the moment to feel nothing but a sense of loss and frustration. How quickly one evolves beyond those natural emotional reactions can make the difference between dwelling in the valley of self-pity or climbing back up to a future of forward progress.

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It is fair to acknowledge your feelings rather than trying to suppress them. Normal to be upset or frustrated when things don’t go to plan. Speaking from personal experience, showing a brave face, and claiming it doesn’t really matter just pushes that emotional football down the field and can distort your next steps. Work through those feelings but don’t let them consume you.

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Take some time to reflect on what happened and what you think went wrong. Focus your energy on analyzing what was within your control and what you believe was due to external factors. Blaming others or claiming matters were out of your control is usually not helpful, and possibly not accurate. There may be external factors, but you need to ask yourself what decisions/action you took or did not take that potentially factored into the outcome.

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One of the most regrettable experiences I have as I mentor talent is where I need to point out how their choices and actions have potentially adversely impacted their goals. Perhaps they failed to think far enough ahead in their journey and have now let options slip away as time passed. Or made choices that limited their ability to attain their desired goal.

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Every disappointment offers a learning opportunity. Understanding what went wrong and what you can do differently in the future can make a difference in the long term. Use the experience to learn and adapt. Maintain some perspective. Setbacks are a natural part of any journey. You need to keep the big picture in mind and focus your energy on the future. Put simply, make defeat the rocket fuel for victory.

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Setbacks should be instructive, not defining.

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Having a ‘Plan A’ without a ‘Plan B’ (and potentially ‘Plan C’) is a risky approach. I’ve seen many times over my career where individuals, teams (and sometimes organizations) place their bet into one approach only to be left scrambling when the situation goes poorly. While not all professional setbacks are predictable, those potential obstacles are usually known. Failure to anticipate those situations and know your possible next steps leaves you with little time to respond and you are off balance as a result.

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Remember that most individuals and organizations are not intrinsically ‘wired’ to act in your personal interest unless you give them reasons to be so. This may sound a bit cynical but keep in mind that any decision to choose you for an opportunity, a promotion, means they are not choosing someone else. The choices that individuals and organizations make in offering you those options reflect their assessment of your capabilities and potential relative to others. Your job is to help them see how your personal interests (landing an opportunity, that choice assignment, or a promotion) aligns with their goals.

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This scenario works in reverse where you need to be careful to avoid creating situations or perceptions that actively decrease your chances of being selected for opportunities and advancement. As I reflect upon my biggest career setbacks, I have come to conclude (much to my disappointment – hindsight is ‘wonderful’) that my choices and my actions directly led to the disappointments I experienced.

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Remain flexible in the face of setbacks. If a brick wall is impeding your journey, rather than complaining about its presence, focus instead on what approach allows you to best deal with that obstacle. Oftentimes this will require adapting your plans or exploring new opportunities. Don’t be that person who keeps driving into a cul-de-sac over and over, expecting it to become a road. Speaking from personal experience, sometimes those forks in the road lead to even better adventures.

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