Navigating Parenthood: Time-Tested Strategies for Raising Resilient Children

Having met several parents, both young and old, during my thirty-odd years as a Teacher and a Principal, and being a mother of two very independent and creative young men, I have come across most of the challenges commonly faced by both the producers and their products! Let me tell you this, parenting is pleasurable, generally, but most of the time it is pretty scary as we are always in doubt if we have done right by our children; this is a fact!

My parents brought up my siblings and myself pretty well. We have turned out to be decent human beings. I used their techniques to bring my children up, and now I am sharing some of the tried and tested ideas with you.

Lead by Example:

Never do what you don't want your children to do, be it swearing, lying, using gadgets... whatever! A rule is a rule, and it applies to everyone.

Be a Solution Seeker, not a Whiner:

It was the unwritten rule at home that if we had a problem, whatever may be the cause, we would look for a solution. In case we complained about someone, the first question would be what our role in the issue was!

Handle Failure Responsibly:

Teach your kids that to fall is not to fail; refusal to get back on one’s feet is! Failing in a task or a test is just that; it's a sign that more work needs to be done.

Readers are Leaders:

Get into the habit of reading. Watching our parents read and listening to them discuss various subjects has had a great impact on us. Love for books came naturally, it was never forced.

Abuse Never Works:

Never yell, use abusive language or get physical when angry. Be very firm. Let kids sulk or starve; a ‘NO’ remains a firm ‘NO’!

Never Bribe Children:

Gifts and treats are rewards for work done well. We were told what was expected of us and why we had to do it. Honest feedback was given; sugar-coated corrective measures were never an option.

A place for everything and everything in its place:

This was our mother’s cardinal rule. We learnt to be good housekeepers before we became teenagers.

Honesty Always Works:

When my parents did not know something, which became more common as we grew up, they were always honest about it. Our father would make us refer to the Encyclopaedia or the dictionary, and then clarify things. It's much easier these days.

Physical Activity is a Time to Connect:

There was never a weekend when we did not spend time together. Despite my father being an advocate and my mother an M.D. The gynaecologist and Obstetrician made time for us. It gave them time to know our interests and aptitudes, our likes and dislikes, and for us, it was a time to understand and appreciate the fact that we were loved unconditionally.

Be Unconditional in your Love:

We were reprimanded in no uncertain terms and appropriately ticked off when we did something wrong; it was made clear that our actions were unacceptable, not us. They supported us, always, but never our wrongdoings.

Never Speak ill of Anyone:

We were strongly discouraged from speaking ill of others or gossiping. The 4-way test was applied in this case: Is it true? Is it fair? Does it build goodwill? Is it beneficial to all concerned?

Empathise with Those in Need:

“What goes around comes around." This was the mantra at home. No one in need was turned away.

Give reasons not orders: We were told what to do and why. We were allowed to question and ask for an explanation. We were allowed to make decisions, provided we took responsibility and stood accountable. That was the condition.

These are some lessons I have used and they have worked for me. They will for you too. I always tell my students, the teenagers in particular, to be kind to their parents. I want them to know that the anger expressed by mothers and fathers is out of fear for the future of their children in this highly competitive world. Now I tell you parents, be kind to your children, they are equally stressed out and apprehensive.

Happy Parenting!

Rama J. Sudev