Navigating Moral Differences in Therapy: Holding Space Without Losing Yourself

“We are all much more simply human than otherwise.”

—Harry Stack Sullivan

?Therapy is a deeply personal and relational process. As therapists, we hold space for people with diverse worldviews, values, and beliefs—many of which may differ from our own. But what happens when a client’s values or opinions stand in direct opposition to ours, especially on deeply divisive moral issues?

?In recent years, moral and political issues—such as party affiliations, social justice, or global conflicts—have polarized people in ways that feel personal and deeply uncomfortable. For therapists, the challenge lies in maintaining professionalism and empathy while also navigating our own emotional and moral boundaries.

?When Differing Views Build Connection

?One of the most surprising aspects of my work has been the ways in which connection can flourish across moral divides. I remember working with a client who, after months of therapy, made disparaging remarks about Indian people—remarks that, in any other context, I might have met with anger or defensiveness. Instead, I was struck by my lack of anger.

Reflecting on that moment, I realized it was because I had come to know the client as a person. My reaction stemmed from the depth of our therapeutic relationship. Having spent months working together, I could see him beyond his biases. I could still see his humanity, even as his words challenged me. This didn’t mean I condoned his beliefs, but it allowed me to use the moment as a tool for exploration and growth.

This experience wasn’t isolated. In many cases, I’ve found that working with clients who hold different or opposing views has led to some of the most meaningful therapeutic work. Many times, I have even be surprised to find shared values underneath those differing opinions. These relationships remind me of the potential to move beyond judgment and connect with the person beneath the opinion.

As therapists, we are uniquely positioned to hold this tension. By asking thoughtful questions and seeking to understand perspectives on a deeper level, we can model tolerance and openness, even when we disagree. The goal isn’t to agree with every client but to honor their humanity while staying connected to our own.

Ways to Build Connection Across Differences

• ?Ask Questions: Seek to understand the experiences that shaped the client’s beliefs.
• Model Acceptance: Demonstrate that disagreement does not negate respect or empathy.
• Focus on the Person: Look beyond the opinions to see the client’s core needs and values.

?Acknowledging the Struggle

?Navigating these situations is not always straightforward. There are moments when I feel the weight of my own values and beliefs in the room. Therapy demands that we hold space for our clients, but it also asks us to be honest with ourselves. If the discomfort becomes too great—if it feels like it smothers my ability to see the client’s humanity—then I know it’s time to step back and reassess.

This is a deeply personal process. Each therapist must ask themselves:

• Can I continue to serve this client effectively?
• Is there space for my humanity in this work?
• Am I bringing curiosity, rather than judgment, into the room?

These are not easy questions, especially in a world where moral and ethical divides feel more pronounced than ever.

Using Discomfort as a Tool

Therapy often asks us to lean into discomfort—not to dismiss it, but to explore it. Discomfort can be a powerful tool for understanding, offering insights into both the client and ourselves. By asking questions and seeking to understand the experiences that shaped a client’s beliefs, we can transform tension into an opportunity for connection.

At the same time, discomfort should not overwhelm us. If it becomes impossible to hold space for a client without compromising our well-being or integrity, then it’s necessary to reconsider the therapeutic relationship.

When to Draw the Line

There are times when the gap in values feels insurmountable. For me, this tipping point comes when:

1. I can no longer show up for the client in a way that supports their healing.
2. My emotional well-being is at risk, making it impossible to remain present and effective.

Stepping back in these situations isn’t about rejecting the client—it’s about ensuring that both of us can thrive. Therapy is a partnership built on mutual trust and respect, and those foundations must remain intact.

Practical Strategies for Navigating Moral Differences

• Self-Reflection: Regularly evaluate your ability to remain present and effective.
• Supervision: Seek guidance from colleagues or supervisors when faced with challenging cases.
• Curiosity Over Judgment: Approach difficult conversations with a desire to understand, not to change.
• Maintain Boundaries: Be clear about your limits and prioritize your well-being when necessary.

?Leading with Humanity

Navigating moral and ethical differences in therapy isn’t about following a checklist or finding easy answers. It’s about leading with humanity—ours and our clients’. While therapy is, and should always be, about the client, it is deeply rooted in the humanity of the therapist and their ability to show up as a whole and compassionate person.

When this becomes impossible, it’s time to reassess and navigate the ethical dilemmas inherent in our work with intention and care.

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