Navigating Mental Health during Uncertain Times

Why is it so difficult to talk about mental health? If we hurt our knee, have a bad headache, or are experiencing some other physical ailment, we wouldn’t hesitate to talk to a doctor, pharmacist, family member, or friend. So why when things don’t feel quite right in our brains and with our emotions do we choose to just ignore it? I believe in quite the opposite of the rather jolly and typically British “Keep Calm and Carry On”, and “When You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going” quotes as really, they encourage us to ignore what we’re actually feeling, accept it’s our fate, and somehow find a way to get a grip!

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

In some parts of the world there is an even greater stigma attached to the subject of mental health. It’s as though it’s a mark of shame or embarrassment to a family if one of its members is experiencing a mental health issue, and so it makes those who are struggling feel ashamed and as though it’s something they should hide. Society casts a dark cloud over it, often seeing mental health as an extreme state, even perceiving that those who experience mental illness must be crazy or mad and therefore be avoided or hidden away.

The reality is that one in four of us will experience issues with our mental health at some point in our lives. Here in Hong Kong, it’s estimated that at least one in seven people will face a mental health problem, and while no one should face that alone, the reality is that many will choose to suffer in silence for fear of discrimination. When left undiagnosed and untreated, it can have serious health, social and economic consequences.

This week, I had the opportunity to interview Dr Hannah Reidy as part of the Taking Care Series at Chubb Life. Hannah is a registered Clinical Psychologist and CEO of Mind Hong Kong, the mental health charity. I asked Hannah a number of questions about how we can better look after our own mental health, as well as look after others, especially in these uncertain times. Here are the top ten key points that I took away from our conversation:

1. Mental illness isn’t contagious; you can’t catch it by being kind. Notice changes in people’s behavior that may indicate something isn’t right. If you notice that people are sleepy all the time, distracted, withdrawn, less productive, working very late at night, less participative in work/family chats, or more or less emotional than they would normally be, then this could be a sign that they are not OK. Choosing the right moment, and being sure to practice your own active listening, gently point out anything that concerns you. If they say they’re fine, just let them know that you’re always here for them, and then check in again at a later date. If you’ve shown them care, they will be more likely to open up to you. 
2. Don’t worry about saying the “wrong” thing. You don’t need special training to approach someone if you’re worried about changes in their behavior. You know your friends, family and colleagues better than a professional and are much better placed to know if they’re acting differently. Try and ask open questions rather than closed ones like, “are you OK?”, which will prompt a yes/no answer. Ask questions such as, “what’s been going on for you recently?” or “How OK are you?” as these will likely lead to a more helpful conversation. Last year, Mind Hong Kong ran a campaign called, “How OK Are You?” and you can find out more about the tools and techniques by clicking here. 
3. Loneliness can drain your energy. Working from home when you’re not used to it, being in lockdown, quarantine, or isolation, can all be lonely experiences, even when you have access to family and/or friends. Make sure you create some structure to your day, including concentration breaks, time for lunch, time for exercise, and time for family. Be sure to continue any new practices that have worked well at home when you return to the office. Even if you are fatigued from work calls during the day, make the time to connect virtually with the people you care about. This makes a huge difference to your wellbeing and will help you feel that you have more control over the situation.
4. If you have children, accept that you’re not going to get a full day of silence and concentration if you’re working from home. Consider when in the day you’re less likely to be disturbed and plan your creative time and time for private calls into those slots to maximize your chances to concentrate. Keep your children up-to-date with what’s happening around Covid-19 and any changes to restrictions so that they are aware and feel safe. If they have social media accounts, try and encourage them not to get caught up in the bad news stories, instead ensuring you give them the facts as you hear them.
5. Remember that this isn’t permanent. When we’re feeling anxious and low, we pay far more attention to our more negative thoughts about the bigger picture of what’s happening in the world. It’s important to focus on the things we can do to control what’s happening in our own lives, starting with what we can control today and this week. While these things may seem less significant, it’s actually only because our mind makes it that way. Redefine what matters to you in the short term as this will really help with your mood. Focus on the short-term things that make you feel good, rather than worrying about future things that you can’t control. It means you will start to value the small things and you may even find it refreshing to not be so focused on the future.
6. Try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s all too easy to feel like you’re failing when you’re trying to juggle being an employee, colleague, friend, parent, family member, and feeling as though you’re not managing any of your roles well. Feelings of guilt and feelings of failure are heightened when you’re unsettled by the uncertainty, alongside spending more time at home. As humans we prefer balance and certainty, but remember you’re doing your best
7. Ditch the mobile phone to limit late night anxiety. It’s easy to feel heightened anxiety late at night, especially when trying to fall asleep and especially with easy access to a mobile phone. Our phones are made to be addictive and rewarding, and so when our brains don’t know what to do, they crave us getting more information and knowledge, which is when we reach for our phones which in turn feed our anxiety. Leave the phone out of the bedroom and use an alarm clock instead. If you can’t sleep due to anxious thoughts, get out of bed and do something else. It’s important to associate your bed with sleeping, and not with being restless. So, get up, make a (non alcoholic) hot drink and find an activity that doesn’t involve a digital screen. Once you’re tired again, go back to bed. This speeds up the process of getting to sleep.
8. Schedule in some “worry time” earlier in the evening. Before your usual bedtime routine, take some time to write down the things that were worrying you the night before or, indeed, that day. When you’re feeling calm, rational and more awake, you’ll have more perspective and either acknowledge that it’s temporary or come up with solutions that might help.
9. Don’t put a timeframe on when things will be back to “normal”. The Covid-19 pandemic is a world-changing event, and it will take a long time for a new sort of normal to be established. If we try and put a timeframe on it, we will actually feel worse. There are ways to stay happy and positive in the here and now. I’ve personally found the resources on the Action for Happiness website extremely helpful.
10. Use your annual leave to take a break but accept it will look different. People are working really hard and, when this is coupled with a backlog of anxiety and stress, we need to take a break. People need things to look forward to in blocks of time that are different from their everyday norm. Accept that you’re unlikely to be travelling overseas this year, and instead consider what can you do in your own country that breaks your routine, and relaxes you. Don’t save up all of your annual leave as you will likely burn out before it arrives.

This isn’t an easy time for any of us. And while we are all in the same storm, we are not all in the same boat. I hope you’ll have found some of what I learnt from Hannah helpful to you, your family, friends, or colleagues. The most important thing as we continue to navigate the changing tide is to remember you’re not alone. Don’t hide away, and don’t be ashamed if you’re not feeling as well as you would like to.

There are plenty of resources available to help if you or anyone you know is struggling. As well as consulting your healthcare plan or visiting your GP, many organizations offer confidential Employee Assistance Programmes. There are also many resources available online. The Mind Hong Kong website offers free advice and guidance, including key phone numbers to call to speak to someone. Resources are available in both English and Chinese. Alternatively, use google to find a similar service in your home country.

Take care and, remember, you’re doing great! ??