Navigating Life’s Twists & Turns: A Personal Meditation on Pregnancy

Welcome to?Working from Aum?- my monthly amalgamation of observations, insights, and practical guidance to help women live as leaders inside and outside of the workplace. Written by Upasna Gautam: A Senior Product Leader at CNN, Board of Directors at the News Product Alliance, mindfulness teacher of over a decade, avid public speaker in the tech industry, career coach for women of color, and first-generation child of Indian immigrants.

Happy Sunday and welcome to a special, extra edition of my newsletter. If you've been reading along since I launched this newsletter in January, you know that my content here has been very practical, actionable, and solely career development-focused. Today, I'm taking a departure from that topic to share a more personal reflection.

I'm cruising into week 22 of my pregnancy and today I'm coming through with some *real talk* about my journey.

If you know me, you know that I was never interested in having children. I also wasn’t really interested in marriage…until the universe sent?my husband Dr. Chris Menges my way.

It wasn’t well until after we got married that my “no children” stance changed to “okay maybe this is something I might want later.” When I came to that realization at age 36 (I’m 37 now), we decided to pursue embryo freezing to have the security in the bank in case my mind changed to a “yes.”

I’m grateful to be in good reproductive health for my age and a position to be able to make this privileged decision. Just as I was about to start my medication protocol to begin the embryo freezing process, I got off birth control, and immediately got pregnant. Needless to say...we were shocked. I looked at my husband and said, "Okay, I'm ready to do this now."

This isn’t something I "always wanted." I have not always "dreamed of being a mother" nor is it a "dream come true." In fact, for 36 years, it’s a role that I never cared to or wanted to take on. I didn’t care to have it until the moment it was right in front of me.

Why am I sharing this?

Because the key takeaway here is that it’s okay that your story and goals are different than everyone else’s. It’s okay to change your mind and chart your own path.

Over the last few years, I’ve remained focused on bettering myself (both personally and professionally) while practicing non-attachment - to focus on staying open to receiving what the universe has in store for me without attaching myself to a specific outcome.

After 10+ years of practicing and teaching meditation, the most important thing I've learned is that the most beautiful journeys don’t have a destination - they just have lots of surprising twists and turns. Sometimes the twist is gut punch, and sometimes it’s a delight.

Most of what comprises your being is invisible to everyone else. Get to know that part of yourself better, and you’ll become better at navigating the twists and turns.

This is a twist and a turn that I thought I’d never want to navigate. But here we are, ready to take it on and continue blazing this trail. ??

I'd love to hear from you and continue to the conversation. I share more content just like this on my Instagram and Twitter - be sure to connect with me there as well!