Navigating Leadership, Attachment, and Self-Care: A Personal Journey from Coffee to the ER

Date: December 20th, 2021. Montevideo, Uruguay.

Temperature: Min 18oC (64oF) | Max 28oC (83oF) - Sunny.

Location: Atorrante Café, 9:30 a.m.

Book: Design as an Attitude - @Alice Rawsthorn

I moved downtown six months ago and I'm still captivated by its architecture, hidden gems, and lively corners. December is a chaotic month here, especially in the days leading up to Christmas. People rush around with bags full of gifts and their bodies show the strain from the endless "despedidas"—a whirlwind of food, drinks, and festivities that lasts all month. In the midst of this, grabbing coffee at 9:30 a.m. at a nice café with a colleague, just a few blocks from home, seemed like a perfect plan.

I arrived at the café, book in hand, grabbed a table, ordered some coffee, and started reading while I waited. My colleague arrived a few minutes later. We ordered something to eat, caught up on work, and shared stories about these wild December days. It was enjoyable and fun, as it usually is when we get together, but something felt off. I had a sense that this wouldn't be just a casual coffee meeting, and I was right. After some small talk, we got to the main point: she was leaving the team. I was genuinely happy for her because it was a fantastic opportunity—a new country, a new culture, a different industry, and a role she was ready for. We discussed timelines, made off-boarding plans, and hugged. She left, seemingly content with how it all went.

I gathered my things, went home, checked my manager's schedule, found a time slot, and shared the news. More plans were made and adjusted as needed. Done. Next meeting. But I couldn't focus, so I postponed it and went for a walk. When I returned, it was nearly lunchtime. I checked if my partner could join me for lunch, and fortunately, she could. Halfway through lunch, I felt my heart racing at 140 BPM, and my Apple Watch was lighting up like a Christmas tree. I started feeling chest pressure. Within minutes, I was in a taxi, struggling to breathe and feeling more pressure. I was convinced I was having a heart attack. I made it to the ER, received excellent medical care, and stayed in the hospital for two more days for monitoring and testing. Despite being an ex-smoker, obese, sedentary, over 45, and stressed—all classic risk factors—my heart was fine. It turned out that panic attacks can mimic heart attack symptoms. These were also addressed during my hospital stay.

Why am I sharing this story? Here are a few takeaways:

1. Attachment might affect your relationships and take a toll on you. Be prepared to cope with it. I wasn't.
2. Management and leadership demand a lot mentally, physically, and emotionally. As much as you give, you need to take care of yourself. I wasn't doing that.
3. Don't be foolish. Avoid long walks in 28oC heat. It likely didn't help. Find healthy ways to relieve stress.
4. Be kind to your team and yourself. Cherish the memories, opportunities, fun moments, achievements, and challenges overcome. Look forward with positive thoughts.
5. Remember, team members who leave might return later.
6. Maintain connections.
7. Try to avoid such situations. If they occur, be grateful for those who help you through them.

In conclusion, those late December days transformed into an unexpected lesson in leadership, attachment, and self-care. They underscored the importance of staying attuned to my well-being while managing the complexities of team dynamics and personal relationships. Moving forward, I’ll carry these insights with me, aiming to balance responsibilities with self-compassion and resilience. Let's embrace challenges, cherish connections, and always find ways to take care of ourselves and each other.

NOTE: It is worth mentioning that today I have a way healthier life, train regularly, and lost 12 kilos (26 pounds).

?? Thank you

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Andrés Richero has over 20 years of experience at the crossroads of Design and Software. He heads a global team of Design and Research professionals for an enterprise software platform. For the past decade, Andrés has focused on Design Leadership, Community Building, and Practice Development. Proudly, he's Uruguay’s top mentor on ADPList.