Navigating the Inner Split: Embracing the Transformation of Motherhood

Motherhood is often celebrated as a magical journey. But let’s be real—it’s also messy, challenging, and filled with moments that make us question everything we thought we knew about ourselves. Over the past 2 years, I’ve been really struck by the concept of matrescence—the process of becoming a mother, in the same way adolescence is the process of becoming an adult. Just like that teenage phase, matrescence is an intense transformation that changes us on every level—physically, emotionally, and socially.

It’s not just a shift in what we do; it’s a fundamental shift in who we are. Matrescence is a spiritual awakening, an invitation to step into a new version of ourselves. It can feel thrilling, but it’s also terrifying. Everything that once felt stable is suddenly in flux. You’re meeting a version of yourself that you don’t fully recognize yet. It’s uncomfortable, and if we’re being honest, sometimes we’d rather hide it than embrace it.

And then there’s mum guilt—the constant feeling that we’re somehow falling short, that we’re not enough. Mum guilt is woven into the very fabric of modern motherhood, fed by both societal expectations and our own high standards of what it means to be a “good mother.”

As Zoe Blaskey says, “What arises when guilt leaves is just a bone-deep feeling of worth as a human, a woman, and a mother.” Imagine that. Imagine if we could strip away the guilt and just feel worthy—just as we are.

The reality, though, is that guilt keeps so many of us from embracing our transformation. It tells us we’re failing when, really, we’re navigating a complex, beautiful journey. The more I learned about matrescence, the more I realized that I wasn’t alone. The guilt, the confusion, the feeling of being torn in two different directions—all of it is a natural part of this experience.

As Dr. Aurelie Athan says, we experience an "inner split" when we try to be the woman society says we should be while also being the kind of mother we long to be. We want it all, and we think we’re failing if we can’t balance it perfectly.

But here’s the truth: this “split” isn’t a failure. It’s a sign of how much we care—about our children, our dreams, and about doing both well. The inner split is real, and it’s hard, but it’s also a sign that we’re showing up fully for everything that matters to us.

This is where connection becomes so important—starting with the connection we have to ourselves. Before we can connect deeply with our children, our partners, and our communities, we need to nurture our own relationship with the evolving person we’re becoming. It’s about recognizing that we can be both—both the woman with ambitions, goals, and desires, and the mother who loves with everything she has.

As Amy Taylor-Kabbaz says, "Matrescence is an invitation to redefine connection—first with ourselves, including our bodies and emotions, and then with others." Only by reconnecting to our true selves can we embrace the beauty of who we are becoming.

For me, the shift happened when I realized that guilt was holding me back. It wasn’t serving me, my children, or my career. It was keeping me small and making me afraid to step into my full power. Once I started letting go of the guilt, I found that I could redefine success for myself. Success isn’t about being perfect or having all the answers. It’s about embracing the messiness, celebrating the small wins, and giving myself the grace to grow into this new role.

Motherhood is not just a role; it’s an evolution. And the best part is that we get to define what it means for us. We get to decide what kind of mothers we want to be, what kind of women we want to be, and what kind of partners we want to be. But this takes courage. It takes the willingness to be vulnerable, to show up in our messiness and admit that we don’t have it all figured out. If you’re like me and need a reminder, let me say this clearly: You are a work in progress, and that’s more than okay. It’s okay to feel lost sometimes. It’s okay to question everything. That doesn’t make you a bad mother—it makes you human.

To all my fellow mamas out there: You are not alone. You are navigating one of the biggest transformations of your life, and you are doing it with love, courage, and strength. The inner split, the guilt, the doubts—they are part of the journey. But so, too, is the joy, the connection, and the sense of purpose that comes from raising the next generation.

We are on a journey of becoming. Let’s redefine what motherhood means for each of us, not based on anyone else’s expectations but on our own truths. Let’s support each other, with no judgment or 'shoulds' because when one women rises, we all rise. ???

If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Share your experiences in the comments below!

And if you are in Singapore and want to join a community of mothers who uplift and inspire each other through every step of this incredible journey From Me To We is the (Lean In) mothers circle for you, we can't wait to meet you!

#Matrescence #MotherhoodUnfiltered #InnerSplit #MumGuilt #SheThrives #SelfCompassion #RedefiningSuccess