Navigating Grief in Your 20s – By Ndaba Ndebele

There is nothing that changed my life more in my 20s than losing my father.

Grief is not unique to your 20s, but grief in your 20s is a unique experience because it's a time when you're most confused and lonely, and without the guardrails that school and family provided us, our shared experience diminishes, our paths start to diverge and twist and turn leaving us feeling untethered, and it is then that we rely deeply on those familiar anchors that provide us stability.

My father was my anchor.

By the time he passed I had been living in Boston for a few years. While living in the U.S. was a great opportunity and quite the adventure, being so far away from home often left me feeling isolated and adrift. It was difficult trying to navigate a system that wasn't built for you, as was the constant struggle to find a sense of belonging in a land so far from my own. Though I deeply valued the friendships I had made in Boston, I always felt myself longing for connections with people who had shared my specific life experiences. The loss of my father stripped away my strongest link to home, leaving me to grapple with grief while simultaneously navigating the already complex landscape of young adulthood.?

With the loss of my father, so many of my fondest memories of him will now start with "I remember when" and not "Dad, remember when". So many of my core memories feel fantastical because he's no longer here to corroborate them. I've also had to confront the fact that we will never create new memories nor share important milestones.

To navigate grief in your 20s, you need to truly rely on your support system. I don't know where I would have been, or who I would have become without my family and friends. Therapy also played a crucial role in really understanding my journey through grief, and it is a jouney. Grief is not a temporary emotion that fades away, rather it becomes a part of you, like an extra limb that could either drag behind you or help you run faster. You can try to hide it in a dark corner, where it'll just grow and fester or you could embrace it!

This experience helped me through the loss of my best friend earlier this year. Rather than trying to outrun my grief, I allowed my grief to guide me, understanding that it's not an obstacle to overcome, but a path to walk - one that would lead me through pain, yes, but also toward healing and a deeper appreciation of the connections we forge in life.

I have learned to love my grief, and to see it as the most beautiful gift, for to love someone so much that their loss could affect you so deeply speaks to the depth of our capacity for connection and the indelible impact others have on our lives. It is purest expression of the human experience, it is all the unexpressed love.

In sharing this personal experience, my hope is to offer solace to those who may be facing similar challenges. Remember that grief, while intensely personal, is also a universal human experience. It connects us across generations and cultures, reminding us of our shared vulnerability and strength.

Your 20s will be a time of loss, not necessarily through the death of a loved one, but you may experience the loss of friendships, career, your sense of home, your dreams and your aspirations. In moments of loss, don't let the grief encompass you, let it serve you!

As you navigate your 20s, embrace both the joys and sorrows that come your way. Each experience, however difficult, contributes to the tapestry of your life, shaping you into the person you are becoming. And in those moments of loss, remember that your grief is a reflection of the love and connections that have enriched your life – a bittersweet gift that, ironically, I hope to never lose.

Written by: Ndaba Ndebele

Navigating the Twenties Emma Reinecke Ms Zinhle Novazi

#navigatingthetwenties #youngprofessionals #grief

About the Author Ndaba Ndebele : Ndaba is an NYC-based Software Engineer at Google, specializing in tools and infrastructure for data quality and model evaluation in Google's AI Models.