Navigating Grief: My Journey Through Pain, Healing, and Growth

Grief is a universal experience, yet it manifests differently for everyone. It is raw, unyielding, and deeply personal. The loss of my mother in January 2016 was a pivotal moment in my life—a moment that reshaped my understanding of pain, resilience, and healing. Grief, as I once read, is like carrying a needle in your pocket. Most of the time, you forget it’s there. But then, you reach in, prick yourself, and feel an all-consuming, bone-aching hurt. The pain ebbs and flows, repeating the cycle over and over. This is how I feel, even years later.

The Day Everything Changed

On a cold January afternoon, about five months after starting a new job in Illinois, I received the phone call that would shatter my world. Returning home from the farmers’ market, I heard the most devastating words: “Your mom has passed.” In an instant, I froze, my grocery bag slipping from my hand as an uncontrollable scream escaped my lips. I collapsed, drowning in tears, my chest tightening with a pain I had never known. The rest of that day is a blur. I can’t even recall how I made it back to my apartment.

My workplace granted me a few days to grieve, but soon, I had to return to “business as usual.” On the outside, I appeared functional, but inside, I was crumbling. I would retreat to the bathroom to cry, then wipe my tears and carry on with my work. This facade of strength began taking a toll on my health—physically and emotionally. The weight of grief was unbearable.

Cultural Nuances and Prolonged Grief

In Ghana, where my family is from, funerals often take months to plan due to customs and traditions. My mother’s funeral was no exception, taking place in March. Unfortunately, I couldn’t attend, a regret that continues to haunt me. The delayed goodbye and lack of closure made navigating my grief even harder. I believe prolonged funeral planning can exacerbate the grieving process, dragging out the pain instead of allowing for timely healing.

Compounding the pain was the lack of clear communication from my family back home. In an effort to “protect” me and my siblings who also lived abroad at the time, they withheld the gravity of my mother’s condition until it was too late. This only intensified the shock of her sudden passing.

The Struggle to Cope

After my mom’s passing, I sank into a deep depression. I isolated myself, shut out loved ones, and tried to carry the weight of my grief alone. My health deteriorated; I experienced severe chest pains, frequent panic attacks, and stopped eating properly. But deep down, I knew this was not the life my mother would have wanted for me. She was my greatest source of encouragement, a wellspring of wisdom and prayers, and I owed it to her memory to find my way back.

Seeking Help and Embracing Change

The turning point came when I decided to seek professional help. Virtual therapy sessions became a lifeline, helping me confront my pain and begin the healing process. Around the same time, my cousin encouraged me to move to Atlanta, Georgia, to be closer to family. Though hesitant at first, I eventually took the leap, resigning from my job and starting anew in Atlanta.

This decision was transformative. Being surrounded by a strong support system of family and friends was instrumental in my recovery. It reminded me that seeking help—both professional and from loved ones—is not a sign of weakness but a necessary step toward healing.

Lessons Learned

Through this journey, I’ve learned several vital lessons about navigating grief:

• Acknowledge Your Pain:?Suppressing grief only prolongs the suffering. Allow yourself to feel and process the pain.
• Seek Professional Help:?Therapy can provide invaluable tools to cope with loss and manage overwhelming emotions.
• Lean on Loved Ones:?Let those who care about you be a source of comfort and strength. Isolation can deepen the darkness.
• Embrace Change:?Sometimes, a fresh start is necessary. Don’t be afraid to take a step back or make a bold move to prioritize your well-being.
• Advocate for Compassionate Leave:?Organizations should recognize the need for time to grieve, much like maternity or paternity leave. Grieving employees need time and space to heal.
• Communicate Openly:?Families should strive for transparency during crises. Shielding loved ones from difficult truths can cause more harm than good.
• Honor Your Loved One’s Memory:?Channel your grief into actions that reflect their legacy and what they would have wanted for you.

Moving Forward

Grief doesn’t have an expiration date. It lingers, often resurfacing when least expected. But it’s possible to carry that pain without letting it define you. Today, I’m grateful for the love and support that helped me through the darkest days. I still have moments of sorrow, but I’ve learned to navigate them with grace and resilience. You cannot do away with it entirely. In the wise words of Vision (from the WandaVision TV show), “What is grief, if not love persevering?”

If you’re grieving, know this: You are not alone. Seek help, lean on those who love you, and give yourself permission to heal. It’s okay to take a step back, but don’t get stuck. There’s light ahead, even after the deepest loss.