Navigating Grief and Finding Strength: The Power of Support Networks and Collective Healing

Grief has a way of completely consuming us, leaving us lost and broken. It's in these moments of profound loss that we discover the true power of human connection and resilience. Today, I find myself grappling with the sudden passing of my dear friend, Howard Marcus Buford (Big Marc). His departure has left a void in my life, but amidst the waves of grief, I am slowly finding the strength to pick up the pieces. I want to share my journey of navigating grief, the importance of support networks, and the power of collective healing.

A Coolness That Transcended:?Growing up, I was never considered cool. I was smart, occasionally funny and hardworking, but coolness eluded me. However, Marcus Buford was the epitome of cool. We became friends at the age of seven while playing pee-wee football. Even then, Marcus stood head and shoulders above the rest, both figuratively and literally (he eventually grew to 6'5"). He possessed an unmatched athleticism and charisma. By the time we were 11 years old we, like many kids, would pretend to be our favorite pro players, but in my neighborhood, you would hear the kids younger than us calling out during a pickup basketball game that they were in fact "Marcus". Despite his larger-than-life presence, Marcus embodied humility and grace.

Granting Permission to Be Myself: Marcus recognized and celebrated my individuality from an early age. As a kid who brought books to football practice so I could read during downtime, he saw that I did things differently. Marcus declared to others, "O does his own thing, and if anyone has an issue with that, see me about it." It was his stamp of approval that allowed me to embrace my uniqueness. He played a significant role in shaping my choices, empowering me to resist peer pressure, and navigate a challenging environment. My mother's support in me was unwavering but there is something powerful when the most popular kid around has your back as well. Marcus' belief in me instilled a sense of confidence that still resonates today.

Supporting Unconventional Paths: Throughout life, I made choices that diverged from the norm. From attending a high school outside my neighborhood to relocating across the country for a new job, Marcus consistently supported my decisions. His unwavering presence reassured me that it was okay to carve my own path. Even when I embarked on a risky career shift moving from the security and prestige of a big job at a Fortune 20 to a brand-new start up in the then nascent business of Artificial Intelligence in 2007, Marcus stood by me. He would regularly throw his arm around my shoulder in some crowded place and say to me that he admired my confidence in holding court in a cigar bar without feeling any pressure that I was not partaking in cigars or drinks. His message was as simple as an adult as when we were kids, "Do your thing bro, I have your back".

The Loss of a Remarkable Individual:?Last weekend, Marcus passed away suddenly, with no signal or warning. To know him was to love him. Marcus was not only a remarkable athlete, earning a Division 1 football scholarship, he was an incredible person, a great father and loving husband who married his High School sweetheart. In the business world all he did was work for the biggest brands in the world and win over and over. Target to Macy's, Nike to Amazon, he ascended through the ranks with humility intact. During his Nike days when he oversaw massive logistic operations, I would regularly hear him tell people that he "sold shoes".?Despite leading thousands of workers, he never even had a plan to create a LinkedIn page until capitulating to me in one of our last conversations. His loss is immeasurable, impacting family and friends alike. While my story is just one among many, I feel compelled to share my process of picking up the pieces, even as I am still within that process.

Finding Light Amidst the Waves of Grief:?Upon receiving the news of Marcus' passing, grief crashed over me like relentless waves. I cried uncontrollably, fearing suffocation by my own sorrow. Hope, joy, laughter, and purpose seemed to evaporate from my mind. In that moment, I contemplated quitting my job, severing ties with friends, reducing my circle to my immediate family and resigning myself to a life overshadowed by grief. But slowly, as I began notifying mutual friends, I discovered a flicker of light in the conversations. Sharing tears with others moved me in a way that crying alone couldn't. As I sought to comfort those who were also experiencing profound loss, I found solace myself. Opening my heart to the grief of Marcus' family and friends reminded me that my pain wasn't exclusive and allowed me to find strength in supporting others.

The Power of a Supportive Network:?Throughout this journey, the outpouring of love and support from my network of family and friends has been instrumental. To all those who reached out, offering prayers and words of encouragement, please know that your efforts made a difference. Though I may not be able to respond individually, your messages reached me and inspired me. The realization that I am not alone, that I have a network of support, has been paramount in helping me navigate this profound loss. I am eternally grateful for every one of you.

“OMG I’m so sorry to hear.??Please let me know how I can cover for you”

“Just thinking about you Orlando.??Can’t imagine the loss we’re here for you”

The Support of my work family:?Returning to work, I have been met with incredible support from not only my Afiniti colleagues, but also from customers, prospect and partners many of whom I'm only just building relationships with now. Their protective and caring nature surpasses all expectations.

“Take the time man.??We got this covered”

“you’re always there for people.??Let others be there for you too”

“Just checking on you bro.??Love you and I’m here”

One thing that gives me comfort is that I know Marcus left this world knowing how much I appreciated and loved him because I would tell him this openly. I learned long ago the importance of giving praise while people are still able to hear it. I tell the people I love that I love them, and I admittedly revel in the fact that it makes some of them uncomfortable. I still do my own thing (Thanks Marc!) Grief is a complex journey that tests our strength and resilience. It is in the darkest moments that we discover the power of connection and find the strength to pick up the pieces. The 7 stages of grief Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance and Processing is a very real thing; however, I should note that these stages aren't necessarily linear so the journey from acceptance back to denial could easily just depend on your mood in the moment. Marcus Buford's impact on my life was profound, and as I navigate this grief with my family, I am reminded of the importance of supportive networks and collective healing. Let us be there for one another, for it is through unity that we find solace and emerge stronger on the other side.

Thank you Marc, I love you bro.