Navigating Grief During and After Divorce

Article published in The Divorce Magazine on 4 September 2024

Divorce is a profound life event that often leaves individuals grappling with a myriad of complex emotions, akin to those experienced during bereavement. To illustrate, let’s delve into the story of John, a fictional character who recently finalised his divorce.

John, a 40-year-old marketing executive, had been married for 15 years before his marriage unravelled. The divorce was not something he anticipated, and the emotional toll it took on him was immense. In the initial stages, John struggled with denial, refusing to accept that his marriage had come to an end. He found himself questioning what went wrong and replaying past events in his mind, hoping to find a solution.

As the reality of his divorce sunk in, John’s denial turned into anger. He was angry at his ex-wife for initiating the divorce, angry at himself for not doing more to salvage the relationship, and angry at the unfairness of the situation. This anger often manifested in outbursts and moments of frustration, making it difficult for John to communicate effectively with those around him.

Despite his anger, John found himself bargaining with his ex-wife in a desperate attempt to salvage their relationship. He promised to change, to be better, to do whatever it took to make things work. However, as time passed, he realised that bargaining was futile and that the decision to divorce was final.

As John grappled with the reality of his divorce, he experienced periods of deep sadness and depression. He mourned the loss of his marriage, the dreams they had shared, and the future they had planned together. He felt overwhelmed by feelings of loneliness and emptiness, struggling to find meaning in his life without his partner by his side.

Through it all, John found solace in the support of an online support group. The other members listened without judgment, offering a shoulder to cry on and words of encouragement when he needed them most. John also sought the guidance of a divorce coach, who helped him navigate his emotions and ensure they didn’t impact his ability to get a low conflict divorce. The support he received helped him feel less alone in his experience, but also allowed him to visualise his life after divorce and to get excited about the new opportunities he was suddenly faced with.

Gradually, as time passed, John began to accept the reality of his divorce. He realised that while the pain would always be a part of his story, it did not define him. He focused on rebuilding his life, rediscovering his passions, and creating a new sense of purpose for himself.

In many ways, John’s journey through divorce mirrors the grieving process associated with bereavement. Both involve the loss of a significant relationship and the need to adjust to a new reality. Just as mourning a loved one requires time, patience, and self-care, so too does navigating the emotional aftermath of divorce.

If you or someone you know is struggling with grief during and after a divorce, it’s essential to acknowledge and express your emotions. Seek support from friends, family, or support group, and engage in self-care activities to promote healing and resilience. Remember, while the pain may feel overwhelming now, brighter days lie ahead.