Navigating Emotions at Work – A Practical Guide

When Barry’s jumping up and down with excitement and Janis is throwing staplers at the wall one may ask oneself, how acceptable are emotions at work?

There’s so much talk these days on authenticity but to what extent is ‘authenticity’ suitable for professional interactions?

For example, is it OK to cry at work?

Laughing too loudly isn’t, not in one open plan office in which I worked. I was hauled in front of HR for that.

Prior to that job I’d spent 4 years unpinning every emotion I saw, nurturing and intensifying it at drama school. Regulating those emotions was now the name of the game and I felt like I’d been stuffed into a sealed box.

However, according to research on emotions conducted at Cambridge University in 2024, feeling is doing.

Researchers realised that although we may cognitively decide that something is rational with techniques such as a pros and cons list, we don’t actually do it unless we buy into it emotionally.

In fact, we wouldn’t have survived if it weren’t for emotions. ?If you could only make decisions with all the facts at hand, you’d never do anything. Think of the recent elections. It’s emotions that make you drop the ballot in the box, not the brain.

From an evolutionary perspective, they served as a shortcut to action when all the facts weren’t available, or the brain couldn’t depend on logic to act.

Hence, the emotions motivate and propel action.

How we may act depends on the emotion. For example, fear might lead to avoidance while guilt may urge you to make amends.

The point is how emotional can you be at work and what emotions are ‘acceptable’?

Balancing Emotions with Effective Business Communication

All business communication skills depend on driving the actions of others as well as your own, and this depends on your ability to master emotions: yours and theirs. You can’t be persuasive without that.

In order to dig deeper into how to handle your emotions at work, I switched on to the 10 Per Cent Happier podcast with host Dan Harris, interviewing Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy, authors of ‘No Hard Feelings: Emotions at Work and How They Help Us Succeed.’ Here’s what I discovered:

1. Be Less Passionate About Your Job

If your job is the be all and end all, that can be an issue when it all goes tits up. You may hit a time when it’s no longer right for you but if you’ve neglected other areas of your life, such as a social life or developing other interests, any bumps you hit in the road will be like monolithic roadblocks. There’s no proportion. Also, without the space to exhale, you may find yourself burning out. Having other joys in your world diminishes the need for your career to be your life.

2. Dance the Drudge

In another life, I was an EFL teacher, teaching English to non-natives. The thought of teaching past continuous, yet again, literally, reduced me to tears – on a daily basis. ?I was building up my business from scratch, had no other income and knew I had to get by without going bonkers. The only way was to focus on what was in my control. The result was teaching through the music I loved in place of the textbooks and arranging more socials with my colleagues. Creativity and friendship got me through. Nothing else.

Clients sometimes get by the mundane in dispersed teams using Zoom, or get out the house and work some place where you can’t hear the neighbours. Nearly every job, no matter how creative it may be, has a certain amount of monotony to it.?Some jobs are completely monotonous or become that way. To get through it without imploding, find a way to squeeze some satisfaction from it, albeit until something better comes along.

3. Emotion Is Part of the Equation

Blocking emotions can lead to poor decisions. You absolutely need your emotions in order to make decisions. The sobering tale of Elliot, here , validates how decision-making becomes seriously flawed when emotions can’t be used. Value your emotions. They’re your guides. Which leads me to the ones we try to hide or deny…

4. Don’t Shame but Name

Recognise the need behind the emotion. When something you care about is violated, anger arises. Dig deeper—what need is driving this emotion? This may inform you of a boundary that’s been breached.

With emotions that tend to carry a degree of shame in some societies, we try to bury them. Instead, understand why you’re feeling a certain way. In her book, ‘The Artist’s Way’, the seminal self-development book, Julia Cameron, asserts that emotions such as envy should be held up to the light. What’s making you envious? Recognise what this says about your needs and desires. Don’t ignore the basics either. You may think you’re bi-polar but actually it’s hormones, lack of sleep, a bad diet or an overloaded schedule that’s making you feel fragile. So instead of judging your emotions, which increases the pain of having them, realise that they’re valid and ask yourself what the root causes may be.

5. Differentiate Between Helpful and Unhelpful Emotions

Some emotions help decision-making; others need regulation. Discern wisely.

An example of an unhelpful emotion might be as follows:

Anger (Uncontrolled): Uncontrolled anger can cloud judgment. You’re still furious about a previous departmental meeting overrunning when you arrive late at a client’s site and this affects how you use your communication skills with your client. When we’re angry, we may react impulsively without considering long-term consequences. It’s essential to regulate anger to avoid making rash decisions. This research on Page 7 shows what you probably already know: one emotion can spill over into a completely unrelated situation -and not necessarily for the better. Noting when this is happening is a starting point to mitigating the unwanted effects of this.

Here’s an example of a useful example:

Regret: Regret is a relevant emotion because it helps us learn from past experiences. When we feel regret, we recognise that a different choice might have led to a better outcome. For example, regretting not investing in a stock that later skyrocketed can guide future investment decisions. I’m not advocating a life lived in regret but by channelling that into a constructive action or helpful mindset means the regret becomes a ‘learning experience’ that is of value.

6. Your Stories Aren’t Facts

Dan Harris stated, “Paranoia loves a vacuum.” We often create a story around an action and that can make us feel sad or angry. For example, someone’s rude to you and you think it’s because they dislike you. You later discover that they’re like that with everyone initially due to chronic shyness. In the meantime, you’ve created a meaning around an interaction without checking out the facts.

Instead of relying on a presumption of perception, building rapport to overcome conflict, is an essential aspect of effective communication skills training . Such interventions, like any good coaching, help you to develop both your internal monologue and the interactions with others so prevent these kinds of misunderstandings.

7. Psychological Safety Matters

Dr. Amy C. Edmondson, a Harvard Business School professor who introduced the concept, defines psychological safety as the belief that expressing ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes won’t result in punishment or humiliation.

As children, we naturally learn by asking questions without worrying about others’ reactions. It’s psychological safety which allows you to raise a silly idea that shifts the direction of the company or recognise when you need time off. Creating a culture where these can be expressed is vital to maintaining and developing talent as well as the very survival of a company.

In fact, a 4-year study to discover why some companies outperform others revealed that the biggest differentiator by far was psychological safety within teams. Here, it’s up to the general culture, the tone of which is set by leaders. If they’re not creating the psychological safety that individuals need there are work arounds, something that can be covered in.

8. Selective Vulnerability

Emotional culture cascades from leaders. As a manager, how to model openness without oversharing is core influence skill. One CEO, who wanted to uphold transparency and mutual respect, talked in inductions of being bullied at school for being gay and how this brought on a deep depression as a teenager. By modelling the very values he was aiming to uphold, the behaviours within the company were reflected back. Inclusion wasn’t just a buzzword, but a way of being.

This is not the same as hosing unfiltered emotions over everyone, but opting, instead for a degree of openness. The fact that Hillary Clinton didn’t convey enough emotion, helped her lose the election in 2016. We now expect leaders to be more emotionally attuned.

9. Company Culture vs. Emotional Culture

Explicit company culture (e.g., “put the customer first”) coexists with implicit emotional culture shaped by small gestures. Nurses caring for patients and venting during breaks exemplify this. However, when Brenda’s flying across you on the Board table to snatch your laptop from your palms, you may need a conversation on what’s acceptable or whether she needs a holiday. If you’ve joined a company that seems to be formal and contained, it may be that there’s more empathy than a less formal company that could be more cut and thrust. Observing the norms will help you to understand how much emotion that culture can ‘hold’.

10. Collaborate on Acceptable Norms

If you find that you’re in an organisation which is suppressing your ability to express how you feel, to the detriment of your work, then knowing how and when to raise this is key to your communication skills.?It’s possible to change the status quo, or to create channels where there’s more of an outlet for your feelings. One starting point is group agreement on norms like camera usage, messy desks, latecomers, and acronym explanations. Onboarding often reveals these unwritten rules, proving a structured environment to start these more candid dialogues.

Here’s one I’ve added to Liz and Mollie’s list:

11. Words Are Medicine

When dealing with emotional colleagues, empathy and active listening is vital. It does mean you may need to draw some boundaries but one technique you can use to help reduce their impact is the technique of labelling. A brain imaging study by psychologists revealed that verbalising our feelings makes sadness, anger and pain less intense. This is why talking your emotions through with the right person or journaling can be so therapeutic. Likewise, labelling can be used very effectively when listening to an emotional colleague. It’s even used by hostage negotiators. I describe how to use it.

Your Actions:

1. If emotions are overwhelming you, or undercutting you, acknowledge that this is happening.
2. When it’s a spill-over from another event, declaring it, without an outpouring of anger or frustration, helps to regulate this and prevents others from misinterpreting you.
3. Looking at how you manage the emotion is important. Does working help diminish this? Would talking it through help? Is the emotion telling you something is lacking like sleep – or respect? Don’t discount what information you retrieve from a feeling. It’ll often give you the best next step.

If you’re struggling with influence skills to steer others, overcome frustration or achieve more credibility at work – no matter how you feel, check out my communication training courses . I’ll help you get your voice heard in the way you intend.?

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