Navigating Disenfranchised Grief: ACKNOWLEDGING THE UNSEEN STRUGGLES

Navigating Disenfranchised Grief: ACKNOWLEDGING THE UNSEEN STRUGGLES

Meenal was grieving the loss of her pet dog. It was almost a month since the dreadful day and she was still deep in her sorrow. People would come and say, “it was just a dog”, “you can always get another one". What they failed to understand was; the pet was a family member to Meenal, with whom she shared an unconditional and strong bond.

Rhea was 3 months pregnant when she went through a miscarriage. Even after 6 months of the loss, she was unable to get back to her normal life. She was crying all the time, not wanting to go back to work, or her regular routine. Her friends and family would say, “it was just a fetus, it wasn’t even born”, “miscarriage is very common in the first trimester”, “you can always try for another baby”, “you didn’t even hold the baby, why are you behaving like this”. What everyone ignored was that for Rhea, her 3-month-old fetus, was her baby, with whom she was already emotionally connected, and had planned a beautiful future together.

Gaurav was divorced for almost 5 years. One day, he got a call from a friend informing him about the sudden death of his ex-wife. He went into a complete shock and cried for days together, unable to process the news. People said to him, “you were divorced, then why should her death bother you”, “she didn’t love you and left you, then why are you crying over her”. They failed to understand that he loved her and they shared a life together, and just because they were divorced, did not mean that she was not a part of his life.

?

GRIEVING a loss is extremely hard, and it becomes harder, when the people in your life are unable to understand or recognize your loss, and you feel isolated, with invalidated feelings.

DISENFRANCHISED GRIEF, a term coined by Dr. Kenneth J. Doka in 1989, refers to the pain experienced from a loss that is not acknowledged on a personal or societal level, depending on societal norms, cultural expectations and personal beliefs. This kind of grief is often minimized or not understood by others, which makes it particularly hard to process and work through. This leaves individuals grappling with disenfranchised grief feeling isolated, misunderstood and alone in their sorrow.

It encompasses a wide range of situations, like:

·?????? the loss of a pet

·?????? unrecognized relationships

·?????? loss of an abusive partner or family member

·?????? Loss of a?miscarried, stillborn, or aborted child, or a child given up for adoption

·?????? Loss of an ex-partner

·?????? Loss of a person someone was in a private relationship with, that others don’t know about

·?????? Loss of an?LGBTQ+?partner that can’t be discussed because one or both partners weren’t out yet

·?????? Loss of one's citizenship

·?????? Loss of one’s home or home country

·?????? Loss of one's rights, independence, or sense of safety, etc.

Complexities of disenfranchised grief:

The complexity of disenfranchised grief stems from several factors:

·?????? Hidden nature of the loss: Disenfranchised grief often occurs when the loss is not socially acknowledged as significant or worthy of mourning. Examples of hidden losses include, the end of a non-traditional relationship, the loss of a job, etc. Because these losses are not openly recognized, the bereaved individual may feel isolated and unable to express their emotions openly.

·?????? Lack of social support: Due to the lack of societal recognition, individuals experiencing disenfranchised grief may find it difficult to seek support from others, leading to feelings of abandonment and?loneliness.

·?????? Stigmatization: In some cases, individuals facing disenfranchised grief may face stigmatization or judgment from others, which adds an extra layer of complexity to their grieving process. This can create a sense of shame and make it even harder for them to cope with their emotions.

·?????? Internal conflict: People experiencing disenfranchised grief might struggle with conflicting emotions. They may feel guilty for grieving a loss that society doesn’t deem significant or feel like their emotions are not valid, which can lead to internal struggles and emotional distress.

·?????? Ambiguous loss: Disenfranchised grief often overlaps with ambiguous loss, which refers to situations where the loss is not clearly defined or easily identified. This can occur in cases of missing persons, those with dementia or severe mental illness, or situations where there is no physical evidence of a loss, like in cases of stillbirth.

·?????? Complicated mourning process: The inability to openly mourn and process the grief can lead to complications in the grieving process. Unresolved grief may persist, leading to prolonged emotional distress and potential long-term negative effects on mental health.

·?????? Difficulty in finding closure: Closure is essential in the grieving process. However, individuals facing disenfranchised grief may struggle to find closure due to the lack of validation and recognition of their loss.

?

Emotional impact of Disenfranchised grief:

This type of grief can have very different effect on a person’s mental well-being. The emotional impact can be unique to the individual.

·?????? Isolation: People experiencing this type of grief might feel “left alone”, with the feeling that their grief is not “legitimate”, as others might not understand or validate their loss.

·?????? Unresolved emotions: Grieving without validation can lead to unresolved emotions and prolonged grief.

·?????? Guilt?and shame: Due to societal norms, individuals might feel guilty or ashamed about their grief, further complicating their emotional state.

·?????? Invisibility: Disenfranchised grief can make individuals feel invisible, as if their loss doesn’t matter or isn’t worthy of recognition. This can intensify feelings of sadness,?anger, and frustration.

·?????? Impact on?self-esteem: The lack of validation may lead individuals to question their feelings and worthiness, contributing to a negative impact on self-esteem and self-worth.

·?????? Long-term effects: If disenfranchised grief is not acknowledged and processed, it can have long-term effects on mental and emotional well-being, potentially leading to?depression,?anxiety, and other psychological issues.

?

Strategies to help find strength in the face of disenfranchised grief:

·?????? Recognize and validate your feelings: The very first step is to accept and validate your own feelings, without any judgment, even if others do not recognize it.

·?????? Journaling: Writing down your feelings, by being completely honest with your emotions, is a good way to validate what you are going through.

·?????? Practice mindfulness: It will help you acknowledge and accept your emotions.

·?????? Perform a ritual: Rituals performed during the grieving process give you an opportunity to experience and express your grief. Depending on the circumstances, you can opt for a ritual such as?writing a letter, holding a small ceremony, planting a tree of remembrance, or performing any other act that is meaningful to you.

·?????? Seek help: Take help from professionals, who specialize in grief. They can provide a safe space to openly express your feelings, provide validation and recognition to your grief.

·?????? Therapy: There are many forms of therapies that can help one with disenfranchised grief. They are: Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT), Narrative Therapy, Art Therapy, Support Groups, etc.

In conclusion, grieving is hard, and grieving for unrecognized loss is harder.

As Angeleena May said, “When grief is not recognized as valid by others, people may start to question their own feelings and feel anger, shame, or guilt for experiencing grief”.

But remember, all grief is valid, no one gets to tell you that your loss is insignificant. You have the right to grieve the loss, no matter what it is.