Navigating Difficult Conversations

R U OK? Day is on 12 September 2024, and it's a reminder of the importance of checking in on the wellbeing of those around us—especially at work. Asking “Are you OK?” can open the door to meaningful conversations, but how we listen is just as important as asking the question.

When someone at work is not OK, offering support through a meaningful conversation where listening is equally as important as speaking is vital. One of the most powerful tools you can use in these situations is active listening. This isn’t just about hearing their words; it’s about being fully engaged and empathetic and creating a space where they feel understood. Here’s how to practice effective active listening in the workplace.

Maintain Eye Contact

Eye contact around 70% of the time is one of the most important non-verbal signals in communication. It shows that you’re focused on the person speaking and are fully present in the conversation. Maintaining eye contact around 70% of the time reassures the other person that they have your full attention, fostering trust and openness.

Keep an Open Mind

Active listening requires an open mind. It’s important not to jump to conclusions or interrupt the speaker to finish their sentences. Slow down your mental pace and allow the speaker to share their thoughts without feeling rushed. By keeping an open mind, you show that you are non-judgmental and ready to listen to their experience as it unfolds.

Paint a Mental Picture

Firstly, try and stay present and clear your mind to totally focus on what the other person is sharing. As the person speaks, allow your mind to create a mental model of what they are sharing. This could be a literal image or a set of abstract concepts that help you stay engaged. By forming a mental picture, you can better understand their experience and respond thoughtfully.

Empathise: Try to Feel What They’re Feeling

Empathy is the cornerstone of active listening. It involves putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and imagining what they are feeling. While this can be emotionally taxing, it is one of the most effective ways to build trust and rapport. Empathy shows that you truly care about the person and their wellbeing.

Reflect Back and Validate Their Feelings

Reflecting back what you’ve heard demonstrates that you’re paying attention and understanding the speaker. Use phrases like, “It sounds like you’re feeling really frustrated,” or “I can understand why you’d be upset.” This validation reassures the person that their emotions are recognised and respected. Paraphrasing not only confirms your understanding but also deepens the connection.

Ask Permission Before Asking Questions

When you need more information, always ask permission before delving deeper. For example, say, “Would it be okay if I ask more about that?” This approach respects the speaker’s boundaries and makes them feel in control of the conversation. It also helps build trust, as they know they aren’t being pushed for answers.

Use Growth Mindset Language

When the person expresses feelings of helplessness or frustration, using growth mindset language can be empowering. For example, if they say, “I can’t do this,” gently remind them that they can’t do it yet. The term yet creates a growth mindset. For example,? it offers the opportunity to learn how to do it in the future rather than “can’t do it” which suggests the person will never be able to do it.? This reframing can help shift their perspective, showing them that challenges are opportunities for growth, and that with effort, things can improve. When they express negative feelings about failure, you can remind them that failure is an opportunity to learn and grow. When validating feelings let users know that intelligence, abilities, and talents can be improved with EFFORT and persistence over time.

Tolerate Silence

Silence can be uncomfortable, but it is often in these quiet moments that deeper thoughts and feelings emerge. Resist the urge to fill the silence, and instead, allow the speaker time to reflect. Silence can give the speaker the opportunity to process their thoughts more fully and continue the conversation with greater clarity.

Paraphrase to Show Understanding

When you paraphrase what the speaker has said, it shows that you’re listening and are engaged. Use phrases like, “So what I’m hearing is…” or “It sounds like you’re saying…” to summarise their points. This not only clarifies their message but also deepens the connection and ensures you are both on the same page. Importantly, don’t feel you have to solve the problem or issue, sometimes acknowledging there may not be an immediate or simple solution can be just as validating.?

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are a great way to invite more detail into the conversation. Questions like, “How do you feel about that?” or “What do you think might help?” encourage the person to explore their thoughts and feelings further, without feeling pressured to give a specific answer.

Active listening is more than just hearing words—it’s about being present, showing empathy, and creating a safe space for honest conversation. By using these techniques, you can help your colleague feel supported and understood during difficult times.

For more resources on improving communication skills and emotional wellbeing, explore our Applied Education & Training Courses.

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