Navigating criticism with confidence ??

Welcome to Quick Confidence! This weekly letter delivers a spritz of stories, tips and actions that will build your confidence and power. Each tip bolsters confidence in your body, mind, and relationships so you can lead yourself and others to greatness. Quick Confidence is also a book! Get your copy to carry confidence wherever you go.?

Imagine appearing on the Today Show in front of millions of viewers to discuss a book you’ve worked really hard to write and publish.?

You’re on cloud nine and feeling like nothing can bring you down thanks to the outpouring of support and kind messages from friends and colleagues. As you’re riding this massive wave of positivity, you stumble upon a scathing book review on Amazon. One that specifically targets your television appearance.?Yikes!

The next thing you know your confidence is teetering on the edge.??

Although this is a very specific (and, admittedly, personal) scenario, I think most people can relate in some way. Maybe you’ve got a killer winner’s streak going – turning projects in before the deadline, getting praise from several sources, feeling confident about your finances, finally seeing results in the gym.

Then you have a couple of bad days that snowball and suddenly one person’s criticism rings louder than all the praise combined, and undoes all your progress.

Unfortunately, criticism and negative experiences tend to have a more substantial psychological impact than positive ones. In studies where participants viewed positive, negative, or neutral images, negative ones produced the strongest response in the cerebral cortex. That’s because we’re hardwired to have a negativity bias.?

Being hyper-aware of bad things may have been a helpful defense mechanism in times when real danger lurked around every corner. But for us modern humans, this outdated programming has lost its utility and serves only to fill us with unnecessary despair.?

So, how can you kick these dark thoughts to the curb and reinforce the shield around your positivity bubble? Here’s what helped me after reading a review that almost crushed my spirit:

Quick Confidence Tips for Remaining Confident When Someone Tries to Burst Your Bubble:

1. Mindset: Cultivate compassionate curiosity. Instead of allowing negativity to erode your confidence, adopt a mindset of compassionate curiosity. Shift your focus from taking it personally to understanding the big picture – a critic’s motivations and perspective, your role in the solution, and the difference between the reality of the situation and your perception of it. In the case of the person who left me a scathing review, she admitted she has struggled with “negative confidence” and I started to become curious about how that must feel for her. How lousy that probably feels, I thought! By reframing these bad feelings in a curious way, you can transform them into valuable tools for personal development.
2. Interpersonal: Ask for honest, constructive feedback. While it’s essential to have a supportive network of friends, family, and colleagues who see the best in you, I’d urge you to also seek people out who are willing to provide honest feedback, even if it may seem critical. Establish a mutually beneficial arrangement where both parties share their goals, aspirations, and areas of improvement. By actively seeking constructive criticism, you will build resilience to negativity and foster a stronger growth mindset. These people can also be great discussion partners when you get critical feedback from someone else.
3. Embodied: Seek out beauty and goodness. When someone’s passing dig replays over and over in your mind, drowning out every other thought, you can shift the focus onto what works and what's good. Go for a walk and admire the trees in your neighborhood, pointing out specific characteristics that are pretty. Put on your favorite feel-good tunes and dance alone in your room until it doesn’t feel awkward anymore. Wander aimlessly around town and buy yourself something special to celebrate getting to that high point. No matter how life tries to knock you down, remember, no one can rob you - in a permanent way - of your wins!

Preserving confidence in the face of negativity is a multi-faceted journey that requires resilience, adaptability, and innovative strategies. It won’t happen overnight, but these Quick Confidence tips will help you solidify your positive mindset when life tries to bring you down.

Your turn! Has a negative comment or critique ever shaken your confidence? How did you handle it and were you able to regain your morale? Please share in the comments, I love hearing from you.

Confidence is key to making an impact as a professional — and especially as a leader.

And my book, Quick Confidence: Be Authentic, Boost Connections, and Make Bold Bets on Yourself, can help you with both.

You’ll learn confidence-boosting strategies for overcoming intimidation, making a memorable entrance, and stoking the confidence in those around you. PLUS, you'll get effective mental and physical routines to lock in everything you learn.

What you'll find in Quick Confidence are techniques backed by scientific research that go beyond the over-used “fake it till you make it” advice. Instead, you'll make changes to your self-image and well-being that are lasting and authentic. Order your copy today!