In my?last article?I introduced the concept of the ‘silent question’ that each of us holds at the back of our minds when confronted with change. ‘The way we perceive the answer to that question will determine our response to the change, and this becomes a subconscious test of our readiness to cope.’
In our work we identify nine of these silent questions, each of which responds to the basic fears associated with one of the nine?Enneagram?types. The questions can also be affiliated with the three?centres of intelligence. Each of us tends to engage with at least one of these.
I introduced three of those silent questions last time. This time I will list all nine (including those covered in the previous post), grouped by the centres, to provide you with an easy reference. My hope is that by accessing these questions one after the other, you might be able to identify the one that most rings true for you.
Silent questions of the body centre
- ‘Who or what is trying to control me?’ This question comes from a desire to check whether a chosen path of change is something the person can control or that could otherwise make them vulnerable (their basic fear). They will withdraw and analyse what is happening before either fully committing themselves to the change or fighting against it.
- ‘Do I really want to be drawn into this?’?A person who silently holds this question is likely torn between the conflicting responses of others to a change. They can see all the possible advantages and disadvantages involved and will attempt to alleviate tensions (both in themselves and others) by listening to everyone.
- ‘How can I prove that I am right?’?is the silent question held by someone whose first reaction to a planned change is to see all the faults in it. This person believes that their opinion is generally closest to the ‘right way’ to move forward. They see themselves as having worked through the situation in a rational and logical way. Others should therefore listen to their plan as a result.
Silent questions of the heart centre
- ‘How can I help and offer my availability to others?’?This silent question is held by a person who is highly attuned to feeling the impact that a change will have on others, regardless of how the change may affect them. They believe that if they are looking out for others, they will ultimately be looked after themselves, though this may not be the case.
- ‘How do I get you to notice me and what I am doing?’?is the silent question held by someone who tends to see change as creating opportunities. They turn these opportunities into actions long before others have even come to terms with what is changing. Sometimes this means dismissing their own and others’ concerns about, and reactions to, the change.
- ‘Why does no one appreciate the feelings and emotions inherent in the situation?’?is a silent question held by someone who feels poorly understood with regard to their aspirations about the change. They will point to the history of how this has been the case in the past within the organisation or community. They will often argue that it is time to devise more creative solutions to the problems posed.
Silent questions of the head centre
- ‘What more do I need to know?’?Someone holding this question is likely to withdraw from conversations around a change, instead reflecting alone on the issues and consequences of what is happening. This person’s basic fear is to appear incompetent or incapable. Holding this question and focusing on the details allows them to distance themselves from feelings and vulnerability – both personally and in others.
- ‘Am I going to be okay here?’?is the silent question held by a person who tends to wonder about the true intentions of those who have made decisions about the change. They will work to verify this by cross-checking the information they have been given previously. Their constant questioning and their defending and justifying of current processes and practices can cause others to avoid involving them in planning for the change.
- Someone who, when confronted with change, holds the silent question?‘How do I move on?’?is likely to already be tired of existing routines. They are keen to progress with new ideas. They can quickly see the interesting and exciting possibilities that a change might bring. At the same time, they don’t want to get trapped into precise roles or have to deal with uncomfortable experiences too quickly.
All of the silent questions and the context around them described here are associated with?average levels?of?emotional health.
At higher emotional health levels, with a more active?inner observer, we are able to recognise the silent question we are holding in the face of change.?With this awareness of the silent question – when we can notice it and acknowledge it as a component of our coping strategy – we can shift our perception and understanding of what is happening and create an alternative response. In the moment of awareness, we the?behavioural freedom?to?choose?a state we desire rather than allowing our?automatic reactions?to dominate.
The material covered in these last two posts does assume you have some knowledge of emotional health. Our book?Working with Emotional Health and the Enneagram?is?a good place to start if you would like to explore emotional health and concepts like the silent questions in more depth.
