Navigating Challenging Times with EQ

Entering one more week of “social distancing”, I am one of the millions of human beings whom, from our homes, begin to perceive time as a long Sunday that marks our limits. The omnipotence of the individual, his freedom of movement and all his other freedoms are suspended. In turn, this generates a variety of reactions and responses - and each one seems valid from our uniqueness as people. Emotionally, for many of us the state of amazement has become a portal to re signify our daily practices, and somehow let slip away our idea of self-importance.

Maybe it's good news after all.

Time is out of joint wrote Shakespeare in Hamlet. Certainly, despite the fact that in many homes and work teams people have been adapting to a new normality, this pandemic is a kind of parenthesis for something that was installed in the world: the industrialization of time, a phenomenon that had taken over our more intimate spaces; regulating that to be vested with (and be of) value, you must be constantly doing something, and in turn, that “wasting” time is an absurd and illogical pursuit. 

Precisely on how to spend time during quarantine, a few days ago I heard Pepe Mujica, former President of Uruguay, propose "talking to the one you have inside." Wise words. 

Self-awareness connects me with my singularity; a self that makes me unique and unrepeatable and allows me to come face to face with emotions, thoughts and attitudes that make up my integral self. Quite possibly, empowered with self-knowledge, I will then be able to consider the dilemmas that this global crisis has brought to the table, starting with the validity of my emotions as a source of data and the recognition of my peer’s otherness. Therefore, the awareness of my emotions, as well as my perceptions, thoughts and values provide me with valuable information to understand how I can reconcile my expectations with the common good, with a sense of citizen responsibility and how to increase empathy with one another. So, what are my options to achieve a way of living without succumbing to individualism and disconnection?

Let's say that before the Covid nightmare19, when there was no time for anything, these dilemmas were, to say the least, peripheral for many and even considered philosophical. With good reason, Karl Jasper wrote there are three variables that push human beings to rethink questions of their existence: wonder, doubt and borderline situations. Even, judging by the testimonies of those who are in the first row of containment of the epidemic,  medical and security personnel, this astonishment has been replaced by the horror.

How to be my best version using EQ

In the face of the rawness and intensity of all these emotions that push us to the edge, emotional intelligence can provide us with a space of hope to continue connecting with intention and purpose. The Six Seconds Model presents three frameworks that are useful for managing my emotions and making better decisions, more aligned with whom I am and how I want to project myself to the world.

So, I start first, by acknowledging this shocking emotions, my resistances, and identify patterns that are reinforced by uncertainty and fear. What strategies do I have to recognize right before slipping into the trance of fear where my perception narrows? When this happens, activity of the prefrontal cortex decreases, and so it becomes incredibly challenging to remain open to collaboration and solidarity, as these both attitudes are supported by empathy.

The second perspective allows me choosing better alternatives and action that honor my singular Self,  and are aligned with intention. For example, many of us are disgusted, furious  and even depressed by the way in which this crisis is being dealt with in different spaces: people don’t respecting physical distance, insufficient regulations to curb the pandemic, etc. With such state of the matters in the outside world, what are my best options to get through all of this? What can I do to improve my connection at home or team dynamics with my coworkers? Thus, this is a time to go inwards and find opportunities that otherwise I was distracted to appreciate before Covid19. Currently, I’m finding myself trying these strategies:

·      Listening with my whole being - active listening is about listening not only to what the words say, but also looking at the non-verbal language of emotions.

·      Avoid desire of controlling everything – allowing for enjoyment and flexibility with my time.

·      Ask without judging – as I actively listen my curiosity increases,  and I save myself energy by not  assuming what is not.

Finally, my third perspective is focused on purpose.  How do I intend to get out of this crisis? Not only thinking about my family financial prospects, but on what other opportunities is this hiatus of time giving me. It is not about imposing myself that I learn a new language in a month, or become proficient in something new in record time to “take advantage” of time. But, if I exercise my empathy, starting with myself and re-evaluating some aspects of my life, I would definitely be focusing on my purpose. Of course, this will be more efficient if I can reframe my perspective of the situation, that is, rethink it as a challenging reality instead of a threat (or a situation that I’m complete helpless to confront)

Actually, challenge and threat are so different to each other, both psychologically and biologically, because when I feel threatened, all my creativity and innovation are blocked. On the contrary, when I frame this situation as a challenge (temporary and somehow manageable) I am able to stay focused and face the crisis. Even biologically, this mindset generates different biochemicals and my brain receives a greater influx of oxygen.

As we continue to live in this kind of uncertain parenthesis, I am able to see some things with renewed clarity: finding courage to rec connect with archived dreams and projects and what is truly important in my life. Perhaps the greatest lesson of this virus is that we are all connected beyond borders, races and ideologies, and that we could be doing more to help each other  through this short journey of  life.   So, I am hopeful when this is over, many more people will feel true this famous Hemingway’s phrase: There is nothing noble in being superior to your neighbor; true nobility is being superior to your former self.