Navigating Care-giving While Tending to Your Mental Health
Georgia A. Bryce-Hutchinson, LMFT, Mental Health Consultant
Marriage & Family Therapist | Workplace Mental Health and Well-being Consultant and Trainer | Professional Development Coach | Speaker
The role of care-giving has its rewards. For many, there is that feeling of pride that comes with being able to honor their parents by giving back and serving them in their time of need. For others, tending to their children or other loved ones in their time of need means paying it forward. Care-giving allows for strengthening of relationships.
Care-givers would fare well in their role if their engagements were occurring in a vacuum, i.e., without the interference of work, deadlines, personal conflict, relationship issues, life. Seldom are most afforded this luxury, however, and finding effective ways to tend to the wellbeing of others while balancing one's personal life is often a very delicate dance.
A care-giver, as defined by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), is an individual who provides care to another person in need of some degree of ongoing assistance with everyday tasks on a regular or daily basis. We often think of caring for someone who is ailing, elderly or has a disability. I would like to expand that to include children since they are considered dependents.
Whatever the perspective, the care-giver is required to invest time, energy and resources to tend to the physical, mental, emotional, social, and possibly, the financial wellbeing of another.
This can be a monumental task. Care-givers have both the responsibility for caring for the recipient, but also to care for themselves, and very often, fare poorly regarding the latter. The CDC identifies the 45- to 64-year old demographic as the group that will predominantly bear the weight of care-giving.
This population, generally dubbed the "sandwich generation" or "caught-in-the-middle generation," literally sits at that stage of development in the family life cycle where there is the demand to provide support to both aging parents and children, be it minors or young adults. It is also a population comprised of active working adults.
The Care-giver's Challenge
With the prospects of a longer life expectancy comes the need for awareness that many of us will inevitably have to assume the role of care-giver at some point. Many of you are already engaging the process.
For those of us fully enveloped in our profession or running a business, it is important that we remain mindful of the pressures and challenges naturally associated with this role, as well as the undue stress that we can readily create for ourselves, unintentionally.
The CDC cites the following challenges associated with being in the care-giver role:
According to HelpGuide.org, common signs and symptoms of care-giver burnout include,
I believe the stress of care-giving can be more compounded by the following factors:
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Navigating Your Role as Care-giver
One of the most important steps we can take, particularly for those of us for whom the demand has not yet presented itself, is to get educated and start preparing for the role. Getting ahead of the journey could help minimize the stress impact.
It is important that care-givers are educated about the issue(s) our loved ones are faced with. Identifying available tools and resources, including appropriate services and service providers, will prove beneficial in helping to alleviate your own anxiety, fears and stress levels, as well as that of your loved one.
I've often iterated that we were never meant to do life alone. It is important for the caregiver to find others who can help with the process of care-giving, whether directly or indirectly.
Ask help of other family members and friends. That may involve them being physically present with your loved one to facilitate breaks, or them offering emotional, mental, social, or financial support to the individual or to you. Many people admit readily to having a support system, but that they fail to leverage it during times of need.
Your support system might also include professionals and support groups. The CDC cites a list of invaluable resources, including online support groups, respite care service locator, and organizations that advocate for individuals with specific diseases.
This is easier said than done, but if stress relief is something you crave in your role as care-giver to someone who is not so nice, it is necessary. It is hard caring for someone who makes the process even more difficult.
Understanding that there are many reasons why your loved one might be resisting your help can help make the experience more manageable. Feelings of fear may be present, including fear of being perceived as a burden, of losing independence and control, of being viewed as weak, of not wanting to owe anyone anything, of losing one's identity.
Genuinely seeking to understand what the "resistance" is really about and conveying respect regarding the concerns expressed, can help foster that well-needed alliance.
It goes without saying, put your oxygen mask on FIRST! Many of us might have to occupy the role of care-giver for a long time. Somewhere in all of this, you matter. You cannot afford to forget this. Managing your time, setting expectations, honoring your boundaries, and tending to your needs (including your physical health), must remain top priorities.
Your ability to care effectively and confidently for your loved one will require a clear mind and emotionally healthy disposition. Having a detailed self-care plan should be part of your care-giving regimen.
Georgia A. Bryce-Hutchinson is an accomplished Mental Health Consultant and Practitioner, who leverages an Environmental Engineering background to set the framework, language, and impact of coaching across corporate and one-on-one environments. She specializes in advising organizations and employees on mental health literacy, awareness and crisis intervention and devising preventative strategies to increase workforce productivity, engagement, and retention. Georgia has the ability to meet employees and people where they are in their lives, pivoting to support both the employee and the organization from an inside-out approach.?Connect with Georgia at?[email protected].