Navigating the Ambiguity of Executive Reference Calls for Friends

I assure you, we speak to very senior individuals (seasoned CEOs, career administrators...) who possess great maturity in judgement, but when contacted to talk about a friend, they find it more challenging. And that's only human...

Executive Search: A headhunter contacts you to discuss a former colleague who happens to be a friend or good acquaintance. You want to help without saying anything that could harm them, knowing the recruiter will ask about potential weaknesses. What to do?

First, understand that the reputations of executives are always assessed confidentially before contacting official references.

Your friend is likely on the path to being hired, and there's little risk that your testimony will be disqualifying.

This call is also an opportunity for you to connect with a recruiter, demonstrate your relational skills, judgement, and ability to handle ambiguous situations while adding value. If your portrayal is too flattering and you have nothing to say about areas for improvement, your testimony might lack interest. You might not help your friend and leave a somewhat dull impression.

I can assure you that those who demonstrate availability, listening skills, situational intelligence, kindness (towards the evaluated person), and a sense of nuance are often called back to source candidates and, one day, for an exceptional opportunity. Especially in a small market like Quebec.

Of course, you can discuss it with your friend beforehand. But if you gather too much information and repeat a prepared speech, it will be noticeable, and your integrity might be questioned.

The exercise is not always easy; take it as a challenge and even as an opportunity!

A first piece of advice: prepare for the exchange with some notes:

- Build a two-column chart: What are their major strengths? What are the downsides of those strengths? (based on your observations).

Classic examples:

- Very confident people handle pressure well and expect to succeed, but they may sometimes choose to ignore their mistakes.

- Very ambitious leaders can be intimidating for some, may be impatient, and compete with colleagues.

- Very sociable people are energetic and easily form relationships, but they can also take up a lot of space, be theatrical, and exhaust others.

- Creative people can get bored easily and overlook details.

- Kind people tend to avoid confrontation, etc.

These are stereotypes that need to be nuanced, but you get the idea...

Executives often have to make decisions on the spot, and we later discover the context of their choices, which might have caused them stress... This helps us understand certain behaviors. Piece together the story. Imagine different scenarios. For example: How would they have reacted if they had the support of a particular person? If they had certain information?

Recall the challenges they faced. How would you have handled it in their place? Did your friend achieve excellent results overall? Remember complex situations where they might have been less comfortable. How did they overcome their difficulties?

Did they have excellent relationships with almost everyone? With whom was it perhaps more difficult? What was missing for them to get along well with that person?

Put things in perspective: They succeeded in the organization, perhaps also because there was a good alignment of values? How would they react in a company with a very different culture?

Ask yourself: What advice could I give them to continue developing their career? What advice could I give to their future boss?

During the discussion, you can also ask the recruiter about their own perception. Have a quality, in-depth HR exchange. These discussions are sometimes stimulating and inspiring for both parties. Remember, it’s an important exchange for you too! Suggest keeping in touch, maintain the relationship.

Decitre et Associés inc.

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Thanks for your interest and reactions