The Nature of Your Anger

The Nature of Your Anger

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A Unique Journey

On this journey, you’ll explore the ever-unfolding, present moment of your life and learn to see it with new eyes. You may also discover that, by mindfully embracing your journey through each and every moment, you come home to yourself and truly connect with your most reliable source for creating more satisfying relationships and experiencing a rich and joyful life. So, if you would like to discover more about yourself and your anger, and learn how not only to gain better control of your anger but also to function more effectively as a force for good for yourself, for others, and for this world, then read on!

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The Nature of Anger

Feelings of anger or tolerance, intense emotions like hatred or love, intentions to make war or to make peace, whatever the feeling, thought, or action, it lives and dies inside each one of us, as a response in each human heart to something we feel, or think, or as a reaction to someone or something around us. Whether or not the emotion is sustained or grows, or fades and dies, depends in large part to how we treat, consciously or unconsciously, the reactive stream of thoughts and emotions that unfolds within and flows constantly through the present moment of our lives.

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It's true for all of us. Something happens—a car cuts us off on the freeway, a colleague makes a thoughtless remark, a friend sends a kind note and suddenly a feeling or an emotion rises up inside us. It could be blame or gratitude, judgment or acceptance, and even feelings of boredom or of interest and engagement. The amazing range of human feelings and emotions begins with some event—a sound, a sensation, or a thought, for example—which then triggers a reaction in mind and body. The emotions can come and go very quickly, or they can linger. How we relate to the emotion makes all the difference in whether they will linger or fade away within us.

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The emotion of anger is also like this. How angry you feel or how angry you become in response to any given experience, even whether you become angry at all—it all depends on what happens inside you: what bodily sensations you feel and what you think.

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Perhaps you have had the experience of anger (or related feelings such as blaming, judgment, irritation, or rage) taking over your life for a moment or much longer. What did that feel like in your body? What were your thoughts telling you then?

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Perhaps someone has told you that anger has become a "problem" for you—at work, as a health issue, in a relationship, or in some other way. Have you been aware of the anger inside of you, or is this surprising news?

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Or, perhaps you have, at some time or another, felt that anger "energized" you, and that it helped you get something you wanted. Possibly only afterward did you realize the pain your anger caused, and may be even then you dismissed it by saying something about "the end justifies the means." Or, equally likely, perhaps you never noticed or truly realized the depth of harm to others that your anger caused.

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This is the nature of anger—and of being human; it is a complicated and richly poignant experience. At times, anger happens in your awareness—you know you are angry, you know why, and you know how you express your anger. But at other times, anger happens out of awareness—you may not even know that you are angry, much less why or how your anger affects those around you. Anger arises and is expressed through your ongoing flow of thoughts, bod y sensations, and the expression and actions that those thoughts and sensations command.

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The mental activity and physical reactions that fuel your subjective experience of being angry require a significant amount of energy too. One might say that the expression "burning up with anger" points us to the degree of intense energy present in the emotion of anger. And, because it takes deeply formed habit patterns of connection and communication among your mind, your brain, and your body to produce and sustain anger, we will often use the expression habit energy to refer to this energetic and habitual perspective on anger and its related feelings.

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What is your personal, subjective experience when anger visits you in the present moment? Where is it "burning you up"? Can you feel the anger in your body, your mind, or your relationship? Does anger erode your sense of well-being and belonging in the world? What does this emotion arise in reaction to? Do you feel disrespected, threatened, or vulnerable perhaps? What relationship do you take to the anger when it comes to you? Do you become angry at the anger, or do you feel that you become the emotion—that you are "just an angry person," for example? What if you could become more aware and discover the answers to these questions? When you think about your responses to your emotions, would you like to respond differently? In short, would you like to be a different kind of person?

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The choice we have about our anger is the same choice we have about so many other aspects of our lives: will we turn toward our anger and seek to better understand and manage it, or will we let our habit energy of living, thinking, and acting "in anger” and “from anger" dominate our lives, actions, and the impact we have on others and our world?

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I invite you to turn toward your anger, learn to understand it, and find healthy ways of managing it. I invite you to dive deeply into your personal experience of emotions—especially anger and its related feelings—by accessing your ability to inhabit the present moment mindfully, to become more aware of what happens in your mind and body as you experience particular emotions, and to relate differently to those emotions.

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Imagine for a moment that your experience of and behavior around angry feelings could be very different. Imagine that anger, blaming, judgments, irritation, and rage could lessen in frequency, intensity and duration. Imagine that the power anger has in your life and relationships could diminish.

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Imagine that you could live your life in a way that acknowledges and experiences anger, but that is not limited or distorted by angry feelings or outbursts. That could be a profound transformation and a radically different life! If your anger were less intense and controlling, maybe you would not feel as isolated or alone, or be plagued by second guessing, or worry about what you have done or need to do because anger hijacked you again.

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So how do you get from your life today to the one you just imagined? Mindfulness will help—and I will teach you how to use mindfulness to deal with your anger. I'd like to share one core beliefs with you, because you may find it helpful: “No matter how much a person thinks is wrong with them; I believe there is more right than is wrong." The "more right" piece has to do with human intelligence, the capacity to learn and to relate to others, and the ability to know ourselves. It also has a lot to do with the basic human capacity for awareness called “mindfulness,” so let's take a closer look at mindfulness now.

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What Is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is something you already have, at least as a potential. When you are mindful, you're aware of what is happening now, in this very moment, without judging or getting lost in the thoughts and plans about fixing or changing anything. Mindfulness does not do anything! It simply notices, without judgment.

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You can think of mindfulness as a mirror that accurately reflects what appears before it. Mindfulness sees clearly what is present. That is what makes being mindful so important if you want to know what is happening inside your mind and body as well as in the world around you. You can also think of mindfulness as a talent like musical ability. Your ability is innate—it is already there—but for the talent to bloom fully, you have to develop certain skills with your instrument, and you have to practice. I will introduce you to the basic mindfulness skills and offer helpful guidance for practicing those skills.

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Human beings have literally been practicing mindfulness for thousands of years and have amassed enormous amount wisdom about meditation practice and mindfulness. You will be able to draw on this wisdom as you take up the meditations and reflective practice I teach. You will join an ancient tradition of those who seek to cultivate and nurture awareness centered in the present moment. And, as you practice mindfulness, you will also become a scientist because the ancient traditions of mindfulness and meditation are now being embraced and explored by modern science in fascinating and almost unimaginable ways. Let's take a brief look at what science is learning about the brain, stress, and health and their relationship to anger.

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Neuroscience, Stress, and Health

Your brain changes depending upon how you use your mind! This is the conclusion of a revolution in brain and medical science over the past several decades. The name for this dynamic and plastic quality of your living brain is neuroplasticity.

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The implications for having a "neuroplastic" brain are enormous. For example, the mental activities that you deliberately choose (for instance, a positive activity like saying “thank you” or reminding yourself to be grateful or “count your blessings”) will results in a stronger brain basis for that activity over time and increase the likelihood that those thoughts and feelings will reemerge. And similarly, because that habit energy of familiar mind patterns is so strong, those patterns associated with feelings like chronic anger, frustration, scorn, and criticism can easily fires.

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Anger in its many forms can be like this, an old habit energy suddenly appearing in the present moment with alarming intensity. Given the reality of neuroplasticity, this raises two important questions: Do you “practice” being angry? What would happen if you practiced being mindful?

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The way you use your mind changes your brain. In other words, just as you have to exercise your muscles properly in order to stay healthy and for those muscles to do what you ask them to do, you also have to exercise your brain properly in order to cultivate the qualities that are important to you and to let the ones that are not helpful or constructive fade away.

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Through the practice of mindfulness, you will have the opportunity to explore your own mind using powerful inner technologies of meditation and reflection.

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Simply using your mind in this contemplative way actually alters how your brain works; and that can have a powerful positive impact by reducing your stress, benefiting your health, and empowering you to better understand and control strong emotions like anger.

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And if you wish to become less angry and critical and instead become more positive, joyful, kind, and compassionate, then it helps to know your brain can also change in that direction.

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The choice we have about our anger is the same choice we have about so many other aspects of our lives: will we turn toward our anger and seek to better understand and manage it, or will we let our habit energy of living, thinking, and acting in anger and from anger dominate our lives, actions, and the impact we have on others and our world?

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So, let’s explore mindfulness-based approach to living, which simply means learning to cultivate greater awareness in approaching whatever life brings you. Greater awareness will bring you increased understanding and the ability to manage difficult emotions like anger. The greater awareness that comes from mindfulness practice will also empower you to stay present and connect more deeply with what you value most, as well as offer more effective action in the face of challenging situations.

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Your innate power to change is based in mindfulness, which is another name for awareness.

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Mindfulness meditation: deepening awareness and insight, and helping you become more compassionate, kind, and loving.?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? –Accept. Adapt. Adjust.?