National Grief Awareness Week

Today marks the start of National Grief Awareness Week.

The death of someone close to you is an experience that we will all no doubt go through at some point in our lives. For me, it was losing my dad.

National Grief Awareness week provides an important opportunity to remember that periods of grief following a bereavement, no matter how long ago, are a completely normal response experienced by many. It’s the chance to support those who are grieving by listening as they share their own thoughts and feelings.

Many of us worry about mentioning the person’s name who has died. We worry we might upset a friend or colleague who has experienced a bereavement. Talking about loss and encouraging people to share their stories helps people feel less alone. You don’t need to try and fix their pain; simply being present, giving your time, and expressing empathy can be incredibly powerful.

Many talk about stages of grief (Kübler-Ross, 1969): denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These can provide guidance and feel reassuring that grief will be a journey, but it’s important to remember that grief is personal and unique. Many people do not experience these feelings in stages or in this order.

Some people have asked me when does grief stop? I don’t think it ever does. But, periods of grieving become less intense and can come and go. When I think of my dad I often feel a number of different emotions. Sometimes it's intense sadness but other times it's relief that he is no longer suffering from debilitating illness. Other times I can just feel myself smiling even though I am still grieving. Some people do have a delay in experiencing their grief and that is also OK. We should try and accept how we are feeling rather than expect to feel a certain way.

The Ball and the Box analogy is helpful and something I often share. Grief can feel like a bouncing ball in a box with a red button. The box represents life and the bouncing ball is grief. From time to time the ball hits that red button and we can experience pain. We miss the person who has passed and feel loss. At other times the ball bounces around causing no pain. As time goes on the grief ball gets smaller and other life experiences and memories fill the space in the box. Of course, the ball still knocks that red button but less so, and as the ball is smaller, the pain feels less intense. This enables us to start thinking about the person we have lost in different ways. We start living with grief and it becomes part of our life. This analogy has provided many, including me, with much comfort and a compassionate understanding about grief. Sometimes a pang of grief can hit you when you’re not expecting it.

Grief can be expressed in different ways. It’s common to be left feeling anxious, helpless, and sad by the situation. You may feel you want to withdraw. People can be distracted and often preoccupied by thoughts of the person they have lost. It can also be common to feel relief, guilt or anger, even towards the individual you have lost. It's important to share how you are feeling with friends, family, or a healthcare professional. If you are struggling to find the words, sharing the Ball and the Box analogy can be helpful for letting others know that you are in pain. It is crucial you give yourself time to feel how you feel and remember your grief will change over time. Try and remember to maintain a routine and engage in good self-care. Many of us at times of distress forget the power of eating and sleeping well and refrain from using substances like drugs and alcohol.

For many people, grief will become less intense over time. However, for some, intense distress associated with grief remains for a prolonged period of time (many months or more). People experiencing prolonged grief can find themselves preoccupied for much of their time thinking about the person they have lost, often finding it hard to accept what has happened and get back to normal everyday routines and tasks. It’s really important for people to recognise when they might need extra support and reach out for help.????

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If you or someone you know is struggling to adjust following a bereavement it may help to speak to someone. Perhaps start by opening up to a friend or family member; having this additional support may be all that is needed. For a majority of people, the intense feelings of grief will fade within the first 6 months.

If symptoms don’t start to taper off by this point, it could be a sign of complicated grief. If you think that more support is required, speaking to a GP or therapist may help manage distress following a bereavement.

Please find more information, advice and support here: https://www.helloself.com/we-help-with/bereavement