National Family Day: Five Ways to Support Anyone Struggling to Start a Family

Today is National Family Day; a celebration of the people who bring the most meaning to our lives. From immediate to extended to work to friends (the family we choose), families form in all sorts of ways -- some conventional, others less so.?

A day like this can carry a range of emotions for people. For those struggling to start a family, it can be an extremely difficult day. I know this firsthand. Our journey to parenthood wasn’t easy for my husband and me. After years of trying, we turned to invitro fertilization (IVF) to have our two kids – James and Victoria, completing our immediate family of four.?I feel a deep sense of gratitude for everyone who provided tremendous support throughout our IVF journey -- some of the most trying times in our lives.

In honor of National Family Day, here is bit about our experiences while starting a family and some of the most meaningful support received along the way.

From my family to yours, I hope it may help you personally or help you care for loved ones going through something similar.??

Making the time and space to listen.

During my IVF treatments, it meant the world to have someone beside me—literally or figuratively. The process can be exhausting in more ways than one, so simply showing up can be a huge help. That’s especially true for those who come across roadblocks. When I learned there was a problem with my second pregnancy, I couldn’t reach my husband—but a member of my work family was there to support me and help calm me down enough for the drive home. Just being there to listen and care is one of the single best ways you can provide support.?

Learning more about what your loved one is going through.

Fertility drugs can be miraculous and helpful for those trying to get pregnant, but they can make the process even more emotional. It’s a very difficult physical experience, too. Dealing with infertility is overwhelming to begin with, let alone the side effects! With one-in-eight families struggling with infertility, you might know someone going through this right now and not even realize it. If a loved one has shared their struggle with you, and you haven’t experienced infertility yourself, do some research to understand the emotional, physical, and financial toll it takes. Don't assume they want advice; be there to listen. Showing interest shows that you care. And the more you understand it, the better you can empathize.?

Lightening the load.

With all the appointments, preparations, processes, and emotions involved, trying to get pregnant can feel like a job of its own – whether you’re undergoing fertility treatments or not.?Stress is a huge factor working against you.?Give your loved one grace and?encourage them to do the same for themselves. Having a full plate at work and at home can make even small tasks feel insurmountable at times. If you know someone working through fertility issues, be mindful of this. Little things mean a lot. Anything you can do to lend a hand if someone you care about is going through this can make a world of difference.?

?Asking the right question.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” is the most common question people ask those going through a tough time. While the sentiment behind the question is well-meaning, the question can feel overwhelming to answer. I love the advice author and leadership research expert, Brene Brown shared during a podcast about the best way to offer support in both personal and work settings. She suggests asking: “What does support look like for you?” Asking this question allows space for visualization and a moment of reflection on the possibilities – it could be bringing dinners for a week or just being available for vent sessions via text, phone or in person. Some people are more transparent than others about their needs, and people appreciate different things. I will always remember the colleague who baked me a loaf of bread, which was a lovely gesture.??

Acknowledging grief without minimizing it.

Unfortunately, not every infertility story has a happy ending. Grief is a real part of this process for many families, including my own. It’s important to give those emotions the room they need to resolve. If someone you know experiences a loss or is grieving the process, try to refrain from pointing out positives. This probably isn’t the moment for the bright side. We all want to lift our loved ones’ spirits, but this can actually minimize what they may be feeling. You don’t need to cover up their grief – just be there to help them through it at their own pace.??

Infertility is deeply personal, and it touches everyone differently. I recognize what moved me might not be as meaningful for others. But I hope by sharing the ways our loved ones supported us, you’ll find ways to better support those around you who are having similar experiences. And if you’re going through it – you’re not alone. I’ve often found that when I share my experiences, people open up and feel comfortable sharing their own. The more we share, the more we can learn from and support each other, and the less alone we’ll feel.??

I want to express my sincerest gratitude to those we call family. Their kind, loving support eased the stress of our journey and helped us gain the emotional and physical strength we needed to get through it.? So, today we have a lot to celebrate! Our family of four that almost wasn’t, and the beautiful souls who supported us. For you, we are forever grateful.?

If you’re on your own journey to parenthood and are comfortable sharing, please drop a note in the comments.??

#NationalFamilyDay #IVF?