Narcissists In Leadership

Is your boss, client, or colleague a narcissist? If you've ever been personally abused by a narcissist, then you will quickly see how their tactics apply in the workplace or professional world, too. It is my hope that those in this situation will recognize it and get out as soon as possible.

THE SAVIOR COMPLEX

The quickest way for a narcissist to feed their ego at work is to hire vulnerable people they can play hero to. This might be only between you and the narcissist or on display for others to see what a great person they are.

For one example of this, one of my former narcissist bosses used to get upset that I didn't race to get to the office when he cut our checks. He didn't like that I didn't need his money and would let the check sit over the weekend. He loved the co-dependence of my co-worker and did not care that she never showed up to a shift on time. In his mind, she would never leave him (that's the insecure attachment style of narcissists in the workplace). Unbeknownst to us, we were hired to feed his ego, not to work. In fact, he did not want our work to shine because it took the spotlight from him.

This brings me to my next point.

THE INVISIBLE COMPETITION

Even if they are your superior at work, if they perceive you are outshining them, they will sabotage you. Narcissists will sabotage you even if it sabotages or hurts themselves, EVEN in the workplace. If you say or do anything that even appears you think you are EQUAL to or better than them, you become their enemy #1.

NEVER THEIR FAULT

Take notice ANY person who doesn't apologize - because this is HALLMARK narcissist behavior. I just worked with a business owner as a strategist and she didn't have any answers to my questions about her business. She seemed to have zero hands on deck, so she could simply blame the people she hired for every mistake made - Instead of what good leaders do, which is having hands (or at least eyes) in ALL departments of their business AND taking responsibility, publicly and internally, for ALL mistakes made because they know 'the fish rots from the head'.

As a byproduct of this characteristic will come THE DEFENSIVE WRITTEN NOVEL when you address/confront them with something bothering you.

THE DEFENSIVE WRITTEN NOVEL (DWN)

Almost every narcissist I've worked with has written me the longest letter/email I've ever received from anyone when the relationship ends. You will especially get a DWN if they looked stupid to others or didn't look or feel like the winner of the situation. Like any relationship with a narcissist, it will switch back and forth between saying both mean and nice things and say YOU are the things that they actually are - like 'unprofessional'.

Is the written format because they know they aren't articulate when they explode in their interpersonal relationships? I can only venture to guess because I have never had a narcissist speak to me what they write in the DWN.

If you are a narcissistic abuse survivor, then you know: JUST GRAY ROCK. Don't respond.

THE BITTERSWEET TRUTH

They will go tell lies about what happened to everyone who knows you. I'm not going to make you feel better by saying they won't believe them, but I can offer you this comfort. If this is one or only a few times you've dealt with a narcissist, you will feel like it's the end of the world or that your reputation is irreparably tarnished. It's not. Keep going. I've been in business so long, I have a trail of positive reviews, case studies, and work samples to be proud of and they have a trail of burned bridges and broken relationships.

I CAN HELP

In all of the work situations I worked with a narcissist, I needed someone to talk to badly. Talking to your co-workers or peers is dangerous because narcissists surround themselves with yes men and flying monkeys. I had turned to communities, mentors, and coaches that helped me heal my exhaustion/confidence professionally and motivated me to grow my business... and now I am that person for many.

I offer business consulting and career counseling sessions, as well as resume makeovers and career strategy execution. I have incredible before and after stories of defeated professionals who now get paid well to do what they love with no one or any thing applying unnecessary pressure or stress.

If you found this article insightful, please comment and share it with your audience. I KNOW so many are suffering in silence around us. And if there is a podcast, YouTube channel, or other platform/community you know that would benefit from this conversation, I would love to guest spot as a subject matter expert.

Thank you for reading!

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